


Glorious

by SilverHeart09



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Cheeky bit of Thasmin, Custard Creams, F/F, Family, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, One-Shots, River is in chapter 20, Tinsy bit of smut in places, Twelfth Doctor makes a brief appearance too, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-08-03 13:22:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 78,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16327070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverHeart09/pseuds/SilverHeart09
Summary: 'I got a new attitude and a lease on life and some peace of mind.'A series of one-shots surrounding the Thirteenth Doctor and her new friends as they explore the galaxy. Lots of fluff but also a bit of whump thrown in there too. Chapter titles inspired by the song lyrics.





	1. I got a new attitude and a lease on life and some peace of mind

**Author's Note:**

> Background for this story - The Doctor and her Fam visited a planet which produces a gas that, if breathed in, makes you feel a little bit high.

‘Is your hair blue? Cause I think it's gone blue.’ 

The Doctor peered at a strand of her hair. 

'Nope,’ she said. 'Although that would be cool, I've never had blue hair.’

'I had blue hair when I was a teenager,’ Yaz replied. ‘It was cool.’

‘The ceiling is moving,’ Graham remarked. 

‘Sexy! Are you making the ceiling move?’ the Doctor asked.

The TARDIS made an irritated grinding noise in response.

‘I think that's a no,’ Ryan said. ‘Also, why did you call it Sexy?’

'Because she is,’ the Doctor retorted, sounding offended. 

The four of them were lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling. It was warm in the TARDIS and the lights were down low.

'I really want pizza,’ Yaz said, yawning. ‘Can we get Dominos?’

The Doctor scoffed. ‘If you want pizza I’m gonna take you to Naples to meet Raffaele Esposito. Best pizza I’ve ever had.’

She tried to sit up, managed to lift her head, then laid back down again.

‘I’ll take you to Naples as soon as I can stand up.’ 

‘How long is that going to be, exactly?’ Graham asked. ‘Something is digging into my shoulder.’

Ryan twisted his head to have a look. ‘Oh yeah,’ he said, ‘you’re laying on my shoe.’

‘Stop leaving your clothes everywhere,’ the Doctor grumbled. ‘S’not a wardrobe.’

‘I’m trying really hard to give you a pointed look at your coat on the console, Doctor,’ Yaz said. ‘But I can’t move, so I’m going to need you to picture it instead.’

There was a pause. 

‘Okay, I’m picturing it and my response is - my TARDIS,’ the Doctor said. 

There was another pause and they heard a shuffling, grunting sound.

‘What’s that?’ Yaz asked.

‘It’s me,’ the Doctor said, ‘I’m trying to wiggle to the custard cream dispenser, I’m hungry.’ 

‘Can we go back to my original question please,’ Graham asked. ‘When, exactly, is this stuff going to wear off?’

The Doctor frowned. ‘It’s difficult to say,’ she said. ‘Soon. Ish. I think.’

‘And you’re sure it it’s harmless?’

‘Not sure. Almost certain. More than likely. Most probable.’

‘Not exactly filling me with confidence here, Doc,’ Graham said. 

‘Well we’re still alive aren’t we?’ the Doctor said. ‘Honestly, you humans. So pessimistic. I bet you’re the glass-half-empty type aren’t you, Graham?’

‘I’m a realist,’ he shot back.

‘I’ve never smoked weed in my life,’ Yaz moaned. ‘If the police find out they’ll fire me.’

The Doctor frowned. ‘Technically, you still haven’t. It’s not actually weed, just has similar effects. You also didn’t smoke it, you breathed it in.’

‘Have you ever smoked weed, Ryan?’ Graham asked.

‘Nope,’ Ryan shot back, too quickly. 

‘Can I just say, you guys are amazing,’ Yaz said dreamily. ‘I love you guys.’

‘Oop, there’s stage two,’ the Doctor said. 

‘Run me through the stages again?’ Graham asked. ‘Stage one is heavy limbs and/or partial paralysis, then what?’

‘Stage two is feelings of love and happiness, and stage three is snoozetime. Then when you wake up it’ll have worn off and we can all go and get pizza from Naples.’

‘You’re so pretty, Doctor,’ Yaz said. ‘You’re like the prettiest.’

The Doctor blushed.

‘You guys are so cool,’ Ryan said. ‘I would totally go out for pizza in Naples with you.’

They heard a sob. 

‘You alright, Graham?’ the Doctor asked.

‘I just love you guys so much,’ he said. ‘Ever since Grace… you’ve all just been there for me. It’s just so nice to still have a family.’

Ryan and Yaz started crying and the Doctor screwed her face up. 

‘Oh guys, don’t get me emotional, I ugly cry,’ she said. ‘But since we’re sharing our feelings, which is totally due to the gas or whatever, I love you guys too. Regenerating is so hard when you wake up and you’re alone, but you guys were there and you looked after me and you gave me a comfy sofa and let me stay while I was working out how to get my TARDIS back and you’re just the best best friends ever.’

Ryan started wailing. 

Then there was quiet, and the sound of snoring.

 

* * *

 

Yaz blearily opened her eyes and wiggled her toes. Her head felt fuzzy, like she was a bit hungover, and she was  _ super  _ hungry.

‘Yaz!’ the Doctor said happily, holding out a hand to help her up. The other hand, Yaz noticed, was holding a custard cream.

Once she was on her feet, the Doctor gave Yaz a hug and handed her the custard cream, then bounded away to the console and starting throwing levers and excitedly pushing buttons. 

‘Urgh, were we out drinking last night?’ Graham moaned, picking himself up off the floor slowly.

‘Is there any food?’ Ryan said, sidling over to the Doctor and looking pointedly at the biscuit. ‘Can I push the lever?’

‘Nu-uh,’ the Doctor said, but she obligingly put her food down on the pedal so a custard cream popped out. ‘You have that one, I’ve already eaten ten.’

‘Good job we do so much bloody running,’ Graham mumbled. ‘Can’t we get some proper food?’

The Doctor grinned at him and threw a lever.

‘Just you wait.’ 


	2. I made it through the darkest part of the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some serious Doctor!whump in this one. And Yas rescuing her, and also cuddles at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I think the Doctor and Yas deserve to spend more time together. Maybe not in this situation, but just in general.

‘Get off me!’

‘Doctor, it’s me, please calm down.’

‘Leave me alone, I don’t know you,’ the Doctor pushed Yaz away and stumbled backwards, face full of fear. 

‘Doctor, please,’ Yaz said, tears spilling down her face. ‘I need your help, everything’s going wrong.’

The Doctor stared at her, panicking. ‘Where am I? Who are you? What’s going on?’

She spun around and tried to run but her balance was all over the place and she fell, hitting her elbow hard on the stone floor. It was getting harder and harder to see and to concentrate as the room filled with smoke. 

Yaz pulled her scarf off and handed it to the Doctor. ‘It’s all right, I’m your friend and I’m going to help you. Put this over your mouth.’

The Doctor grabbed it but didn’t seem to know what to do with it, she kept spinning in circles muttering to herself, looking around her, frightened. 

‘Doctor,’ Yaz grabbed her hand. ‘We need to get out of here.’

The Doctor looked at her. ‘Where am I?’ she asked, frightened and slurring her words. ‘What’s happening?’ Her limbs were heavy and she started to sag heavily towards the floor.

‘You’ve been drugged,’ Yaz said, rushing over and supporting her. ‘But I’m your friend, we need to get out of here but we’re trapped. I don’t know what to do, you’re the one who always thinks her way out of things.’

Yaz swallowed down the panic building inside her. ‘Please, Doctor,’ she said, tears rolling down her cheek, she couldn’t tell if it was from fear or the smoke. 

All of their exits were blocked. The fire was outside the room but the smoke was pilling under the door and they were trapped in a circle in the middle of the room. The Doctor stood, dazed, her eyes glassy and confused, swaying on her feet. Whether that was from the smoke or the drug burning through her veins, Yaz couldn’t tell.

Yaz took her hand and pulled her down to the floor. ‘We need to get down,’ she said. ‘Put that scarf over your mouth.’

The Doctor obliged and lay down on the floor quietly. Her face was clammy and pale, her breathing laboured and in that moment, Yaz knew it was up to her to get them both out. 

She tried to remember her police training.  _ You’re stuck in a burning building, use your resources, what’s around you?  _

They were in the small brick cell where Yaz had found the Doctor chained to the wall, her screams for help echoing down the corridor. She’d raced into the room to rescue her and the door had slammed shut behind her, the sound of fire crackling starting a moment later. The large metal door was locked solid and the one window had been reinforced with metal bars across it. 

_ What resources do I have? What would the Doctor do? How do you get out of a locked room? _

Sonic Screwdriver!

Yaz crawled over to her companion and started patting down her pockets. The Doctor was still and her eyes were half closed, Yaz wasn’t even sure if she was breathing.

‘Don’t die,’ she whispered, ‘please don’t die.’

Mercifully, the Sonic was still in the inside of the Doctor’s coat pocket and Yaz gripped it tightly. She couldn’t open the door, the flames outside would trap them, but the window led to the outside. At least, she’s pretty sure it does. The smoke was now so thick she couldn’t even locate the window, but she pointed the Sonic in the vague direction she thought the window was in and pressed down hard on the button. The device whirred and bzzed and then there was several loud clunks as the bars fell to the ground. The window was glass, she could break it. 

‘Doctor? Can you hear me?’ Yaz pressed her fingers to the Doctor’s neck, her pulse was weak and thready. She didn’t have much time left. The scarf she’d had pressed against her mouth had fallen onto the floor. Yaz picked it up and tied it around the Doctor’s nose and mouth. 

_ I need to break the window, what do I have to break the window? _

Yaz patted the Doctor’s pockets again, looking for something heavy, something sturdy she could use to break the thick glass, but she came up empty. Empty sweet wrappers, a number of random bits of electronics, a  _ Wallace and Gromit  _ key ring and several coins in various random currencies, but nothing heavy.

‘No,’ Yaz cried silently, letting the coins drop through her fingers.

She lay down on the floor next to the unconscious Doctor and gripped her coat tightly, she’s so tired and can’t stay awake any longer. The room is black and the smoke is so thick it’s everywhere, in her eyes, her nose, her mouth. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, crying softly. ‘I failed you. I don’t know what to do.’

She closed her eyes and pulled the Doctor in close, burying her face in her neck.

_ She’s seven years old and she’s in a science lesson learning about physics. It’s boring and Yaz isn’t really paying attention, but they’re about to do an experiment so she opens her eyes for the last few minutes of the class.  _

_ ‘Now, who knows what will happen to glass when it’s heated?’ her teacher asks. He’s a funny man. He wears a bow tie and has honest-to-god elbow patches on his jacket. Ryan keeps calling him Bill Nye, Yaz doesn’t understand the reference. _

_ ‘It’ll break!’ someone yells.  _

_ ‘That’s correct,’ her teacher replies. ‘When heated, glass has a breaking temperature of 150 degrees celsius! It doesn’t melt until it gets to 1,538 degrees. We can’t generate anything that hot today, so we’re going to be heating it until it cracks instead. Everyone please gather round the table, and make sure you’re wearing safety goggles.’ _

_ Yaz gets up and stands next to Ryan as they all crowd round the table. Their teacher has rigged up a single sheet of glass over a bunsen burner and he lights the flame, they watch as the glass begins to turn black, and then… _

**Crack.**

Yaz opens her eyes at the sound. The glass in the window has broken, they have a chance, but she can’t carry the Doctor.

‘I’m going to come back for you,’ Yaz croaks. ‘I’m not going to leave you here.’

She crawls on her hands and knees and feels around on the floor for the bars that fell from the window. Once she can feel them solid in her hands, she clutches at the brick wall of the cell and pulls herself upwards until her hands feel nothing but air. She’s at the window.

She tries to look back but she can’t see anything, can’t see the Doctor. She reaches through the window and grasps at the empty air. They should be at the rear of the building, how big is the drop? What storey are they on?

Yaz crawls back, reaching out blindly until she feels her friend’s body where she lies sprawled on the floor. The Doctor wouldn’t leave her if the roles were reversed, she’d get them out. Yaz’s strength is almost gone but with the last of her energy she still manages to pull the Doctor over her arm and drag her to the window. She positions her back against it and with a deep breath pulls the Doctor up by her armpits, she’s heavy, but that works in her favour as her body weight over-balances Yaz and knocks her out through the window.

They fall. Yaz closes her eyes and holds onto her friend.

 

* * *

 

‘Yaz.’

Yaz feels warm and fuzzy. Her limbs feel heavy but in a good way, as though she’s buried under a duvet and is just waking up.

‘Yasmin.’

There’s someone calling her name, Yaz recognises the voice and she tries to open her eyes but it’s difficult, they feel so heavy and she’s so tired.

‘Yaz.’

A hand is in hers, and it squeezes tightly.

‘You’re all right, Yaz.’

She opens her eyes sleepily and is sure she’s dreaming. Her vision is blurry but that’s the blond head of the the Doctor leaning over her, smiling down at her.

‘Doctor…’

Yaz’s voice is thick and croaky, it hurts to speak but she fixes her eyes on the Doctor’s. 

‘It’s alright, don’t try to talk,’ the Doctor says. ‘We’re treating you for smoke inhalation but you’re going to be okay.’

Her vision is becoming clearer and Yaz is starting to recognise the high vaulted ceilings of the TARDIS. They’re not in the control room though, it looks like the medi-room. 

‘We were in a fire,’ she whispers.

‘I know,’ the Doctor says, smoothing down her hair. ‘You saved my life, Yaz. I won’t forget that, I swear I won’t.’

The Doctor is sat on the edge of her bed, holding her hand. She’s filthy, covered head to foot in dirt and soot. Her blond hair is almost black and her clothes are ruined, but to Yaz - she’s the most beautiful person in the world.

‘Are you okay?’ Yaz asked, tears springing to her eyes.

‘I am,’ the Doctor whispers. ‘You got us out of the building. Ryan and Graham were on the ground below. They caught us, sort of, it wasn’t a very big drop. They brought us back into the TARDIS, she told them what to do.’

‘The TARDIS talks to you?’ Yaz asked.

‘She does,’ the Doctor replied. ‘You can hear her singing sometimes, if you listen very, very carefully.’

‘I thought you were dead,’ Yaz said, and for a second she thinks she might start crying.

The Doctor clearly thinks so to, because she strokes Yaz’s hair softly. ‘Nah, me? Never.’

‘What did they do to you?’

The Doctor tries to block it out but it comes back, filling her with anxiety and fear. Her free hand squeezes the side of the bed. Harsh lights, chains holding her down, strapped to the wall while she’s held down by two aliens, a species she doesn’t recognise. They injected her with something, she still isn’t sure what it was but blackness crowded into her mind and when she woke up she was lying on the floor of the TARDIS with Ryan and Graham crowding over here and yelling.

‘Nothing I couldn’t handle,’ the Doctor said quietly, then she paused. ‘Well, maybe it was a little bit something I couldn’t handle. Oh come here.’

She crawled onto the bed beside Yaz and wrapped her arms around her. She smelt of dirt and smoke and for a second Yaz was transported back to the floor in the cell where she’d clutched her friend tightly as she lay dying. Yaz reached for the Doctor’s wrist and pressed her fingers against her pulse, feeling her two hearts beating steadily. She closed her eyes and fell asleep listening to the sound of the TARDIS humming gently. The Doctor was right, it did sound like singing. 


	3. and now I see the sunlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of fluff this time. I was also curious how the Doctor would react if she ever had to wear a swimming costume and whether she'd be shy or if she'd just go with it. I went with the former on this occasion.

The sky over the planet was a rich deep blue. It would have been dark if not for the thousands of lights illuminating the forest and the large moon, much larger than Earth’s, hanging in the sky, covering them and the ground in warm moonlight. There were billions of stars showing clearly above them and Ryan could see hundreds of spiral galaxies. With no light pollution anywhere on the planet, it was the clearest sky he’d ever seen. They were stood in the woods in a clearing where a small lake had formed, the light of the moon reflected in its surface and steam blowing gently off the top of it. 

‘What are all those lights?’ Yaz asked, looking upwards. ‘Are they fireflies?’

‘Sort of,’ the Doctor said. ‘They come here at this time every year to, well, make other sort-of fireflies.’

‘So we’re basically witnessing a mass orgy?’ Ryan asked.

‘Yep.’ 

‘It’s so warm here,’ Graham interrupted, eager to change the subject. 

‘That’s the moon.’ The Doctor pointed her sonic screwdriver up at the sky and checked the readout. ‘Yep, high levels of infrared radiation coming off it, producing heat. Don’t worry, nothing harmful.’ She tucked the screwdriver back in her pocket and put her hand into the water of the lake. ‘Feel this? Geothermally heated groundwater, basically a hot spring.’

‘Is it safe?’ Yaz asked, thinking of the water on Desolation, teaming with flesh-eating microbes.

‘Absolutely.’ The Doctor waded in, the bottom of her trousers and coat getting wet. ‘See? Perfectly safe. Thought you might want a bit of R&R plus…’ she checked her watch, ‘... in about an hour there’s going to be a light show.’

‘Do you still have your shoes on?’ Yaz asked.

The Doctor looked down at her feet, then back up at Yaz and grinned. ‘Yep.’

‘Did you bring us here to get in a hot spring?’ Graham asked.

‘Well you haven’t  _ got  _ to,’ the Doctor said, pouting. ‘It’s really nice though.’ 

Yaz slipped her sandals off, she debating rolling up the bottom of her skinny jeans but decided they probably wouldn’t roll up very far and the TARDIS had a laundry room. She had no idea how to use what she assumed was an alien washing machine, but there was a clothes airer there.

She padded softly in to join the Doctor, watching the ripples move away from her and spread out across the water. It was warm and the bed of the lake was soft against her feet.

‘See, told ya,’ the Doctor said, giving Yaz a friendly nudge with her elbow. She dropped her finger into the water and stuck it in her mouth, licking her lips as she considered. ‘Yep, salt. It’ll do wonders for your skin, fun to float in too.’

‘I don’t have a costume,’ Ryan said, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘And these jeans are new.’

‘There’s some in the TARDIS,’ the Doctor said, stepping out of the water. She grabbed Yaz’s hand and pulled her out with her. ‘I’m going to need your help, Yaz,’ she said. ‘Women’s clothes are one thing, woman’s swimming costumes are quite another.’ 

 

* * *

 

 

‘There’s a swimming pool.’ Graham frowned. ‘How long has this been here?’

‘Ages and ages,’ the Doctor said, rummaging through lockers that lined the pool, grabbing clothes at random and throwing them out behind her onto the floor. ‘The TARDIS moves things around and changes rooms every time she redecorates but she has her favourites. The swimming pool seems to keep coming back.’ 

Graham picked up a pair of trunks from where they’d been flung on the floor. ‘These’ll do for me,’ he said. ‘Is there a changing room anywhere?’

The Doctor, still with her head in the locker, pointed in a vague direction towards the other side of the pool, and Graham started to head towards it.

‘Wait, I’m going with you,’ Ryan said, grabbing another pair of trunks and jogging to catch up with him. ‘Really don’t want to get lost in this place, so many bloody doors and corridors everywhere.’

‘What on earth is this supposed to cover?’ the Doctor made a face, holding up a thin piece of stretchy material that looked to Yaz awfully like a mankini.

‘Um, no. Don’t wear that.’

‘Okay… this one?’ 

The next costume the Doctor was holding up looked like it came straight out of the 1800’s, Yaz was surprised it even still existed. 

‘What about this one? It’s a nice colour,’ Yaz said, holding up a blue, more modern, costume. ‘What size are you?’

The Doctor checked the label of her t-shirt. ‘This says “wash at 30”.’

Yaz rolled her eyes. ‘Just try this on,’ she said. ‘It’s nice, it’ll suit you.’

The Doctor scrutinised the tiny piece of clothing. ‘Where’s the rest of it?’

‘That’s it.’

‘How am I meant to get it on?’

‘I’m sure you’ll figure it out, are there any towels?’ 

The Doctor paused in her scrutinization of the tiny costume. ‘Try the cupboard above your head.’

Yaz reached up to lift the cupboard door and unleashed a cascade of towels which all fell on her head. 

‘Yep, thought they’d be in there.’

 

* * *

 

‘I’m sure it’s fine.’

‘It honestly feels like I’m not wearing anything.’

Yaz sighed. ‘Yeah, I get what you mean. Look, the guys aren’t out here yet, they’re probably lost in there somewhere. It’s just you and me. Come out and let me see.’

The Doctor stuck her head out the door of the TARDIS. ‘Promise you won’t laugh?’

‘I won’t! Now come out and let me see what you look like.’

The Doctor stepped cautiously out of the TARDIS. The blue costume fitted her perfectly but she had her arms crossed awkwardly across her chest.

‘You look fine,’ Yaz said. ‘Really, you look like any other woman going for a swim.’

‘Really?’ The Doctor looked down at herself.

‘Yes, really. But I get why you may be a bit self-conscious. It took me a long time to get used to wearing a costume in public.’

‘What did you do when you used to go swimming before?’ the Doctor asked, curious.

‘I used to wear a t-shirt over the top.’ Yaz shrugged. ‘I was very body conscious for a long time. But then, one day, I just decided that actually I wanted to start wearing what I wanted. And I did, and no-one said anything, so I carried on doing it.’

The Doctor nodded thoughtfully, but didn’t move from the safety of the TARDIS door.

‘Okay, well I’m going to get in the lake,’ Yaz said. She turned away and walked down the gentle incline into the warm water, gliding the tips of her fingers over the surface as she moved deeper in, the water climbing up to her waist. The stars overhead were like nothing she’d ever seen before, she could almost fancy that the galaxies were moving. 

‘What’s this light show then?’ she asked, calling back to the Doctor.

_ SPLASH. _

Yaz was suddenly soaked as the Doctor dive-bombed in next to her. She came up quickly, grinning from ear to ear. 

‘You’re gonna love it,’ she said. ‘This time every year there’s a massive meteor shower, all the planets in the vicinity watch it, but this is the best seat in the Universe.’

‘Why does no-one live here?’ Yaz asked, ‘where’s all the people?’

‘They don’t know about it,’ the Doctor said, tapping her finger to the side of her nose. ‘See that?’ She pointed up into the sky, it took Yaz a moment to realise she was pointing at the moon.

‘Wait… are we on the dark side of the moon?’ Yaz asked, mouth agape.

‘Yep, well technically we’re behind it. The inhabitants on the surrounding planets haven’t developed space travel technology yet, they have no idea this planet exists.’ She frowned. ‘I mean, technically it isn’t a real planet, it’s a dwarf planet, like Pluto.’

‘I was so mad when Pluto was declassified,’ Yaz said.

‘I’ll have to take you there, the ice cream sundaes are the best.’

‘You need a map on the wall!’ came a voice from the shore.

Yaz and the Doctor turned and saw Graham and Ryan walking out in trunks. 

‘Like hospitals, big map on the wall. That box is a maze, how many rooms has it got?’

‘Technically it’s infinite,’ the Doctor said.

Graham and Ryan stepped into the warm water and swam out to join them. Yaz and the Doctor were floating on their backs in the middle of the lake, steam rising off the surface around them. The two men followed suit and all four of them stared up into the sky.

‘When does the light show start?’ Ryan asked.

‘In three... two… one…’ 

The sky erupted into colour as streaks of light flew through the air. Blinding white light flashed in front of their eyes as the sky lit up and exploded around them. 

‘That’s like no meteor shower I’ve ever seen,’ Yaz said. 

‘It’s like the greatest firework display in the world,’ Ryan said, mouth agape. 

The shower lasted for around fifteen minutes and at the end it seemed to Ryan as though the galaxies were burning with light.

‘That was amazing,’ Graham said. ‘I wish…’ but he trailed off. 

‘Say it, Graham.’ The Doctor said. ‘It helps, trust me.’

There was a brief pause and Graham cleared his throat. 

‘I wish Grace was here to have seen it.’

‘Is she up there?’ Ryan asked. ‘I’ve heard that humans are made from stardust, do they go back to the sky when you die?’

‘I don’t know,’ the Doctor said. ‘The one thing I don’t have an answer for. I always like to think of Newton’s Second Law. The total energy in an isolated system remains constant over time. Technically it doesn’t apply to people, but if it did it would mean that when someone dies they’re not lost, they just return to the universe.’ 

There was silence and then:

‘Thank you, Doc,’ Graham said. ‘That actually really helped.’

Yaz pushed the water away gently with the back of her hand until she bumped into the Doctor’s side and floated next to her.

‘Doctor…’

‘Yes, Yaz?’

‘Can I just say…’

‘Yes, Yaz.’

‘I’m really glad we’re friends.’

The Doctor tucked her arm into Yaz’s.

‘Me too.’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who's been leaving me lovely comments! ^_^


	4. my grandma smiling down on me like whoo, that boy got bars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Ryan gets to save the day, fly a time machine, and have a heart-to-heart.

‘Right, what’s the plan?’ Graham asked. 

‘Not there yet, give me a sec,’ the Doctor replied, pulling on the shackles around her wrists and ankles, as though she expected them to fall off if she willed it hard enough.

_ Who knows,  _ Yaz thought.  _ Maybe they will.  _

‘Where’s the sonic?’ Yaz asked.

‘It’s in my coat, in the TARDIS,’ the Doctor said, tilting her head apologetically. ‘Sorry, knew I should have brought it with me.’

Yaz wriggled, trying to get to a better position on the stone floor, her shackles jangling as she did so. 

‘How long are we going to be here?’ she asked. ‘This floor is super uncomfortable.’

‘We are in a prison,’ Graham reminded her. ‘They probably aren’t designed for comfort.’

‘And how are we going to get back to the TARDIS once we’ve broken out?’ Yaz asked.

The Doctor grinned. ‘I love how you said  _ once  _ we’ve broken out, not  _ if.  _ I don’t like ifs, ifs are bad, too many variables. And I’ve actually had a thought about that. Can’t say 100% it will work mind.’

She peered up at the heavy metal ring above her head which their shackles had been secured onto. It was sticking half out of the wall and the stones were crumbling and starting to come apart.

‘Okay, I have a plan, well part of a plan. Yaz, do you have your phone on you?’

Yaz wiggled again. ‘It’s digging into my butt, so yes I have it.’

‘Okay, perfect. This is going to be a plan in two parts.’ She eyed the metal ring again. ‘Plan 1 is going to be uncomfortable.’

She leaned back until the back of her shoulders were against the floor and she’d managed to angle herself so her legs were up in the air. There were shackles around her wrists and ankles but there was a chain between them so she had a bit of give to move her limbs. 

‘You doing gymnastics?’ Graham asked, amused.

‘These shackles are new, chances of breaking them are very low. But that ring looks old and the stonework is shoddy. I’m hoping…’ (she was almost doing a headstand at this point) ‘... that if enough force is applied, it’ll come away from the wall.’

With that, she awkwardly raised her leg, and booted the ring as hard as she could, the momentum slamming her body back down on the floor. The stonework crumbled and the ring seemed to move slightly, but otherwise it was still very much attached to the wall.

‘Oh boy,’ the Doctor said from her position on the floor, staring up at it. ‘This is going to be fun.’

‘I hope Ryan’s okay,’ Yaz said as the Doctor got back into her weird shoulder/headstand position to have another go. ‘They didn’t get him, did they?’

‘No,’ Graham said. ‘I saw him coming out of the TARDIS when we were getting dragged away, he’d gone back in to get his jacket.’

‘That thing I should have done,’ the Doctor grumbled, booting the ring again then glaring at it for good measure. ‘Sorry about all this, by the way,’ she said, lying on the floor again. ‘Should have checked the scanner, the planet I was aiming for is unoccupied.’ 

‘Who knew a bunch of knights got so spooked by a magic blue box appearing out a thin air,’ Yaz said. ‘Where are we exactly? It looks like Earth.’

‘It is,’ the Doctor said, already wriggling back into position. ‘Britain. I want to say 5th century judging from their armour.’

‘Can’t you turn that box invisible?’ Graham asked.

The Doctor swore in a language he didn’t recognise as she missed the ring and kicked her boot against the hard stone wall instead. 

‘It sort of is,’ she said. ‘Low level perception filter on it so people tend not to notice and just walk straight past it. Doesn’t work so well when you’re standing in front of it as it materialises though.’

‘What will happen to us, if we don’t get out?’ Yaz asked.

‘Ooh that’s an  _ if,  _ Yaz. We were just discussing those,’ the Doctor said, tutting at her.

‘Okay, but really, what will happen? Be honest with me.’

There was a pause and Graham could see the expression on the Doctor’s face as she grappled with herself.

She sighed. ‘5th century, blue box just appeared out of thin air. We’ll be burned at the stake for witchcraft.’ 

‘Gosh, you better keep kicking then,’ Yaz said after a moment.

 

* * *

 

Ryan was not having a good time.

The Doctor had promised them a planet with grass a shade of green that couldn’t be replicated with paint. Blue skies and a waterfall that ran upwards. 

‘Completely uninhabited,’ she’d said. ‘Apart from the animals, but they’re all friendly. The lake is so clear you can see all the way down to the bottom. Amazing views of mountains and beautifully warm.’

With that, she’d tossed her coat over the TARDIS console and strode off towards the doors, Yaz and Graham in tow.

‘You coming?’ she’d called over to him.

‘Yeah, I’m just going to grab my jacket. I always get cold, even in hot places,’ he’d said, looking around the control room to see where he’d left it.

Then there was shouting, and he’d turned round to see the Doctor, Yaz and Graham getting dragged away by  _ actual knights. _

_ Not so uninhabited then. _

He’d wanted to go out after them, but the knights were currently guarding the box and he knew he wouldn’t even make it past the doors. So instead he’d been walking around the control room wondering what to do. He had his phone in his pocket but as soon as he’d entered Graham and Yaz’s numbers a ‘no signal’ bar had popped up. Go figure. 

‘Can you help?’ Ryan asked the TARDIS. ‘I think she’s got herself in a bit of trouble. The Doctor I mean. I’m not sure what your relationship is. I guess you’re not like owning a car, right?’

He frowned. ‘Actually, I’m pretty sure I heard her say “come to mummy” when we were on Desolation.’ 

He edged closer to the console and peered down at the controls.

‘Are you guys related?’ he whispered.

And then the phone rang.

 

* * *

 

‘Yes!’ The Doctor cheered as her twenty-second boot attempt paid off and the ring clattered out of the wall and onto the floor. 

‘Hey! What’s going on in there?’ a voice yelled from outside the cell. There was a shout of ‘get the keys!’ and they heard heavy footfalls and the jangle of armour as the men started to converge on the cell. 

The Doctor grabbed the fallen ring and crawled awkwardly on her hands and knees towards the cell door. She rammed it firmly into the lock and crawled over to Yaz. Behind the door there was exclamations of surprise as the key wouldn’t turn in the lock and a rhythmic thudding started up as the knights started to throw their body weight behind it. 

‘I need your phone,’ she said apologetically. ‘I’m not groping you, promise.’

‘It doesn’t work,’ Yaz said as the Doctor awkwardly tumbled through her pockets and grabbed the phone. ‘I can’t get signal out here.’

‘Urgh this would be so much quicker with the sonic,’ the Doctor complained as she struggled with the keyboard, the links of her shackles getting in the way. 

‘Don’t worry about the signal, Yaz,’ she said once Yaz had awkwardly entered her passcode. ‘The TARDIS phone transcends the whole of time and space. ‘You could draw a keypad on a banana and it would ring.’

‘Really?’ Graham asked.

‘No, not really. I’m trying to use humour to distract myself from what’s behind that door,’ the Doctor said, typing quickly. 

‘Can they get in?’ Graham asked. 

‘Yes, they will do eventually, we need to be quick. Get into a circle, back to back, quick now.’

The Doctor pressed the phone against her ear as the three of them awkwardly bum-shuffled towards each other and formed an uncomfortable back-to-back circle in the middle of the room.

‘Right, come on Ryan. Answer the phone.’

 

* * *

 

Ryan didn’t want to answer the phone. He had no idea who had the Doctor’s number, or what they wanted, or even if he’d be able to understand them if he did answer it.

The TARDIS hummed behind him and it almost seemed to Ryan like it was egging him on.

He stepped slowly towards the phone. The ring was piercing and seemed to echo in the cavernous console room. 

The TARDIS hummed again. Maybe she didn’t like an unanswered phone.

Ryan reached out gingerly and tentatively picked the phone up.

‘Um… hello? TARDIS phone?

_ ‘Ryan!’  _

The Doctor’s voice was tinny through the speakers and almost completely drowned out by the sounds of banging and thumping in the background.

‘Oh my god, Doctor. Where are you? What’s going on? What’s that noise?’

_ ‘No time for that, Ryan. I’ve got a job for you, a very important job. I need you to fly the TARDIS and come get us.’ _

_ ‘What??’  _

That came from someone in the background but it was also Ryan’s response. 

‘I can’t fly the TARDIS! You won’t even let me use the custard cream dispenser.’

_ ‘You are not to press any buttons!’  _ The Doctor warned.  _ ‘The TARDIS can fly herself but she needs to know where to go.’ _

‘How do I do that?’

_ ‘Go to the console and put your hands on the telepathy board. That’s the silver one with the hand-prints on it. Think really really hard about us. We’re in a cell and there’s knights banging on the door. I need you to picture that image and then think about us. The TARDIS is clever, she should be able to use that to locate us.’ _

‘What if I get it wrong?’

_ ‘Then you’ll end up god only knows where and I won’t be able to come rescue you.’ _

Ryan gulped.

_ ‘I know you can do it, Ryan. You just need to concentrate.’ _

The sound of banging in the background was getting louder and louder.

_ ‘We’re going to die.’  _

That sounded like Yaz.

_ ‘You can do it, Ryan.’  _ The Doctor said.  _ ‘I believe in you. I know you can do this.’ _

‘Okay, I’m going to the boards now,’ Ryan said. He left the phone on the hook and crossed the floor to the telepathy boards. They were warm when he put his hands on them and he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

_ You can do this. _

He pictured his friends in the cell, pictured the knights banging on the door. He thought of Yaz’s leather jacket and the Doctor’s earring. He thought of Graham and how he’d looked standing next to his Nan at their wedding. He pictured the Doctor’s smile and Yaz’s eyes. The way Graham looked when he refused to call him granddad. He thought of the look on his face when the Doctor had told him not to leave the bus and he’d become the white passenger Rosa Parkes had refused to stand for. He thought of the Doctor’s clenched fists and her barely concealed rage, Yaz’s confusion over where she should sit. He thought of the Doctor’s crestfallen face when she’d thought they were stranded on Desolation. He thought of when he and Yaz had met again for the first time in years in the woods, examining Tim Shaw’s travel pod.

Ryan held his friends in his heart and pictured their faces. He didn’t even notice when the TARDIS’s central column began to move.

 

* * *

 

‘Can he do it? Can he really fly the TARDIS?’ Graham asked. 

The door of the cell was wood and it was starting to splinter. The gleam of a sword made them jump when it sliced through the door and the Doctor grabbed their hands.

‘Of course he’ll fly it, course he will,’ she said, but she didn’t sound very sure. 

They could see the knights now ripping away the wooden panels to get into the room, their weapons in their hands or hanging at their sides.

Graham fancied he saw his life flash before his eyes.

‘Close your eyes,’ the Doctor said. ‘It’s alright.’ She squeezed their hands tightly. ‘Close your eyes.’

Then they heard the TARDIS.

Yaz’s eyes flew open as the TARDIS began to materialise around them.

‘He did it!’ Graham yelled. ‘He bloody did it!’

The knights were through the door now but were unable to reach for them. They stretched out their hands and stabbed with their weapons but the walls of the materializing TARDIS were protecting them from harm.

‘Yes Ryan!’ Yaz whooped loudly. She could start to see the interior now as it began to become more solid. She now understood why the Doctor had wanted them all to sit together. 

‘I did it! I did it!’ Ryan yelled from the console once the TARDIS had settled and they were all sat inside.

‘Never doubted you! Now grab me my coat,’ the Doctor said.

Ryan handed her the coat and she grabbed the Sonic Screwdriver, for a second Yaz wondered if she was actually going to kiss it, but instead she pressed the button and raised it into the air. Their shackles fell off and the Doctor picked herself off the floor immediately and ran to the console.

‘Time to go! Well done Ryan.’

She dashed around the console, throwing levers and hitting buttons and the central column began to rise and fall once again as the TARDIS dematerialised.

 

* * *

 

Later that evening, when Yaz and Graham had gone to bed, Ryan went to find the Doctor. She wasn’t in the control room or what he assumed was her bedroom. At least, the door was slightly ajar but he didn’t hear movement coming from inside it. He also didn’t want to pry. God only knows what she had in there. The swimming pool was also empty, as was the kitchen, laundry and medical room. 

‘Where is she? Can you help me out?’ Ryan whispered silently, feeling foolish to be talking to the empty air.

The panel to his left lit up briefly with a small white circle, then the panel in front of that did the same, then the next and the next all the way along the corridor until Ryan realised the TARDIS was creating a map for him. It felt like a treasure map with the Doctor as the treasure.

_ Which,  _ Ryan considered,  _ is probably how the TARDIS views her.  _

The ‘map’ led to a room with a closed door. There was no indication as to what was inside and Ryan knocked cautiously on it. There was a thud from within.

‘Come in!’ he heard the Doctor yell. 

Ryan peered around the door. It looked like a library, but the biggest library he’d ever been in. Bookcases rammed with books stretched up into the air and just seemed to keep going, Ryan couldn’t see where they ended. Rolls of old parchment paper, the likes of which he’d only ever seen in  _ Game of Thrones  _ were stacked neatly in cupboards and there were lots of sheets of paper with strange circular symbols on them.

The Doctor herself was sprawled over an armchair, buried under a stack of books, coat hanging from a hat stand in the corner of the room. She had a book clutched in her hand but Ryan didn’t recognise the language on the cover.

‘Sorry, don’t mean to intrude,’ he said. ‘Can I talk to you?’

_ ‘Me casa es tu casa,’  _ the Doctor said, gesturing towards the armchair opposite her. She then realised it was full of yet more books and sat up to uncover it, knocking all the books she’d had balanced precariously on her onto the floor. 

Once it was empty she patted it, looking up at Ryan and smiling. ‘I thought you might come and find me’ she said. ‘What did the TARDIS show you?’

Dazed, but not altogether surprised she knew why he was there, Ryan sat down. ‘I don’t really know,’ he said. ‘It was you, I think, but it also wasn’t you, cause it was a man. Well actually it was lots of men.’

‘That does sound like me,’ the Doctor said, nodding. ‘What did you see?’

Ryan tried to think. He knew the TARDIS was telepathic, knew the Doctor shared some kind of connection to her ship but he’d had no idea it would share that connection with him when he flew it. In between his memories of the Doctor and his friends the TARDIS had helpfully offered a few of her own. A guy in a leather jacket and jumper. Another guy, too skinny for words, with a pinstripe suit and plimsolls. A younger guy in a bow tie jumping around waving his arms about. An older gent in a smart coat, he presumed it was ‘the white-haired Scotsman’ the Doctor had referred to on the train all those months ago. The TARDIS had shown him that man as he exploded into light, he’d watched as the Doctor was born.  _ His  _ Doctor, the woman sat in front of him.  

Once he’d said all this the Doctor sat back in her chair and regarded him cautiously. ‘I’m assuming you have questions,’ she said softly. 

‘I don’t really know what I want to ask,’ Ryan said, shaking his head. ‘That was you - right? The men that I saw, that was you. You said in the motel, when the cop called you “ma’am” that you were still getting used to it.’ He jumped as though he’d just thought of something else. ‘On the train! When we first met! You asked Yaz why she was calling you madam. All those comments about fizzing and burning when we were chasing down Tim Shaw, they make sense now.’

He stared at her, as though he was expecting her to turn back into a man at any given moment. 

‘You can change your form,’ he said. ‘You can change genders.’

‘Sort of, it’s not that simple,’ the Doctor said, holding her(?) hands up. ‘It’s something my people can do, on my planet. When we die, or we’re nearing death we regenerate. Every cell in our body dies and is replaced. We become a new person, with the memories of the old.’ 

‘But you can choose to be a man or a woman?’

The Doctor shook her head. ‘No,’ she said. ‘It’s always a surprise, you never know what you’re going to end up with.’

‘And how many times have you… regenerated?’ Ryan asked. 

‘Thirteen, sort of, more of less.’

‘You’re the thirteenth incarnation of… what, exactly?’ Ryan asked.

The Doctor shrugged and grinned at him. ‘Of me,’ she said. ‘I’m the same person on the inside, I just look different on the outside.’

‘Woah,’ Ryan said, sitting back in the chair and trying not to stare at her. ‘Were you a man, originally? Or a woman?’

The Doctor frowned. ‘It’s difficult to say really,’ she said. ‘Because we have the ability to change our gender we aren’t necessarily one or the other. I guess you could say I was born male, and have been male twelve times before, but now I’m a woman, which is new.’

‘So your species is sort of… gender fluid? But you take it literally?’

The Doctor grinned. ‘I like that!’ she said. ‘Yes, that’s exactly what we are.’

‘And what species are you?’ Ryan asked, then he stopped and looked embarrassed, looking down at his hands in his lap. ‘Sorry, I feel like I’m talking to you like you’re not really a person.’

He felt a pressure on his hand and realised the Doctor had lent forward and was holding it. 

‘It’s all right,’ she said. ‘It’s okay to be curious. I’m surprised you haven’t asked all this before, considering you’ve been zipping around the universe with me.’ 

She let go of his hand and sat back.

‘Besides,’ she said. ‘I know you far too well to even  _ entertain  _ the idea that you would talk to me as though I’m not a person. And, to answer your question, I’m a Time Lord.’

‘Woah,’ Ryan said, mouth agog. ‘That is proper.’

‘It is a bit,’ the Doctor said, grinning. 

‘Is that why you have a time machine?’ Ryan asked, gesturing around at the TARDIS.

‘Yes, although I stole this one.’

‘You stole a time machine? From who? And why?’

‘From other Time Lords. I was bored, she was too, it’s why the door was unlocked.’

‘You keep referring to the TARDIS as a “she”,’ Ryan said. ‘Is that because you’re one too?’

The Doctor shook her head. ‘That is a long story,’ she said. ‘I’ll tell you if you want to hear it, but right now you need to go to bed, you look knackered.’

‘Yes, right,’ Ryan said, standing up, suddenly aware of how exhausted he was. He looked at the door, then around at the room.

‘Do you know how to get back to your room?’ the Doctor asked.

‘No…’

She smiled. ‘No worries, I’ll walk with you.’

The corridors were a maze to Ryan, even though he must have walked down them only moments before, but the Doctor knew where she was going and she navigated deftly back to what Ryan had been calling ‘the bedroom zone,’ where all of the bedrooms seemed to have congregated.

‘Doctor?’ Ryan called after her once she’d said goodnight and had started to head off to the control room.

She turned. ‘Yes, Ryan?’

‘Why did you trust me to fly the TARDIS, knowing it might show me all that? How did you know I could do it?’

‘Because I trust you,’ the Doctor said, simply. ‘Because I believe in your abilities.’

‘I don't hear that very often,’ Ryan said, quietly.

The Doctor walked over to him and, before he had a chance to protest, gave him a hug.

‘You have to believe in yourself, Ryan,’ she said, stepping away. Then, as she was moving back down the corridor she called over your shoulder. ‘You flew a time machine today which means the TARDIS believed in you too, if she didn’t want you to fly her you wouldn’t have had a chance.’

Then she was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was initially just going to be about Ryan getting them out of danger, but then I was thinking about the TARDIS' telepathic link and got a bit carried away!
> 
> If you like it please leave a comment! And a suggestion for the next chapter if you fancy it :)


	5. we gon' be alright, put that on my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graham gets a go at flying the TARDIS and Yaz and the Doctor try very hard to not fall off a crane.

‘Doctor what’s going on!’ Yaz yelled, clutching to the console as the TARDIS sped towards the Earth, burning through the atmosphere and hurtling towards the ground below.

‘Asteroid!’ the Doctor yelled back. ‘Really big one! Knocked us out of orbit!’

‘What do we do?’ Ryan shrieked, clutching at the metal rail.

‘I’m doing it now! We’ve almost stabilized, hold on!’

‘I’m sure my GP told me to avoid strenuous activity, this probably counts as that,’ Graham said.

‘My whole life is strenuous activity,’ the Doctor replied, dancing around the console, grabbing various things to keep her upright as she manipulated the controls.

The TARDIS doors flew open and Ryan screamed. 

‘That crane looks really close!’ Yaz yelled. 

‘Almost there, almost there…’

The Doctor threw a lever and the TARDIS stabilized with such abruptness that it dismantled everyone from the various objects they’d been gripping and flung them to the floor. 

Apart from Yaz who was closest to the doors, and who flew out of them.

‘Yaz!’ Graham screamed after her.

‘Yaz!’ the Doctor yelled. 

The central column of the TARDIS started to move and the doors slammed shut again. Barely seconds later Graham felt the familiar thud as it landed on the ground, the Doctor already throwing herself out of the doors before it had fully materialised. 

‘Yaz!’ the Doctor screamed into the sky. They’d landed in a building site, similar to the one where they’d stopped Tim Shaw. The sky was black and it was bitterly cold, the chill wind flapping the Doctor’s coat around her and blowing her hair across her face.

‘Oh my god, she’s up there!’ Ryan yelled, pointing to the very top of a crane, where Yaz was clinging onto one of its metal beams.

‘Yaz! It’s alright, I’m going to come get you!’ the Doctor yelled, running back into the TARDIS, Graham and Ryan fast on her heels. 

‘Right, need a plan need a plan need a plan GOT A PLAN,’ the Doctor yelled suddenly, making Graham and Ryan jump. 

‘Here’s what we’re going to do, I’m going to climb up there and rescue Yaz. Once I get to the top you’re going to fly the TARDIS up to come meet us. The old girl isn’t going to like it, but I’ll show you how.’

She said all this at 100 miles a minute and it took a while for Graham to realise that she wanted them to  _ fly the TARDIS. _

‘How’re we going to do that, then?’ he asked as the Doctor dashed around, flicking switches and turning dials. ‘Can’t we fly the TARDIS up to meet Yaz?’

The Doctor shook her head. ‘The TARDIS reaaaaally doesn’t like flying, hates it in fact. She prefers the whole “disappear/reappear” thing. I don’t want her to be in the air longer than necessary. Plus I don’t think I’ll be able to get close enough to the beam to get Yaz in the TARDIS, I also really don’t Yaz walking along it, she’s very high up.’

‘I don’t want you walking along it, Doc!’ Graham exclaimed. ‘What if you fall?’

‘Then you’ll get to see my party trick. If there’s enough of me left. I mean I fell out of the sky and landed in a train in Sheffield but I was regenerating so it was fine, might not get away with it this time. I’m rambling. Shut up, Doctor.  Right, come here you two. See this lever? First thing you’re going to do is move it this way, then you’re going to move this handle in this pattern, do you see? I’ve turned the flight controls off so you can practice.’

Graham moved the handle and lever in the way she’d shown up a few times, with some prodding and  _ no no like this  _ until after about 15 goes the Doctor was satisfied they knew what they were doing. 

‘Right, make sure you do it  _ exactly like that  _ otherwise who knows where you’ll end up. I’ve turned the flight controls back on so don’t touch anything until I reach Yaz.’

She dashed to the door then dashed back again.

‘One last thing, see this switch?’ she asked, pointing at the aforementioned switch. ‘The TARDIS  _ hates  _ flying. She especially hates being flown by anyone other than me, and maybe River. If she starts complaining, or gets stuck, flick the switch.’

The Doctor had run through the doors before Graham or Ryan had a chance to ask who ‘River’ was.

 

* * *

 

It was freezing outside and the wind whipped the Doctor’s short blond bob around her face as she raced for the foot of the crane. Standing at the bottom, she stared up into the sky. That was very high up.

‘Alright, Yaz,’ she muttered to herself, putting her foot on the first rung. ‘Hold on, I’m coming.’

As she started to climb the Doctor found she was grateful that, unlike the last time she had to climb something very high up, her boots actually fit her. She felt more sure-footed than she had climbing the crane to rescue Carl from Tim Shaw and, although her hands were smaller than her predecessors, she was able to grip the rungs of the ladder tighter.

‘Don’t look down, don’t look down.’

She looked down, peeking through one eye and slipped, her feet sliding off the rung, leaving her dangling by her arms, clutching tightly at the metal rung under her fingers. She heaved her feet back onto the ladder and clutched at it for a moment to catch her breath. She was quite high up now and thin sheets of ice were beginning to cover the rungs of the ladder.

The Doctor took a deep breath in, held it, breathed out again, and continued her climb, forcing her gaze upwards. The nearer she got to the top the wilder the wind threw her around and she had to stop and hold on a few times when it threatened to topple her. 

Thankfully, when she did eventually reach the top after more than one hair-raising moment, Yaz was still on it, right at the end of the beam, clutching tightly and not moving a muscle.

‘I’m coming, Yaz!’ the Doctor yelled, but the wind tore the sound from her lips and she wasn’t sure Yaz heard her. 

The Doctor had no chance of walking along the beam to get to Yaz, she’d be knocked off immediately. She lay down on her front and gripped the beam tightly with her arms and legs and, feeling a little like a caterpillar, began to awkwardly shuffle herself forwards. 

Yaz grinned like the Cheshire Cat when she saw the Doctor inching her way towards her. Once she was close enough she yelled ‘you look ridiculous!’ over the howl of the wind. 

‘You’re welcome!’ the Doctor yelled back. There was enough space on the beam for the Doctor to crawl over Yaz and lay down beside her, wrapping her arms tightly around her as she gripped the edges of the beam. A violent wind gust blew past them and Yaz shrieked and clutched at the Doctor, squeezing her eyes tightly shut.

‘Yaz, listen. You’re not going to like this, but it’s the only shot we’ve got,’ the Doctor said, the wind churning her hair around her face and snatching away her words.

‘What is it?’ Yaz asked, clinging tightly to the Doctor’s arms. She still had her eyes shut, couldn’t bear to have them open. She could feel the Doctor’s legs wrapped around hers, keeping her still. 

‘We need to roll off.’

Yaz did open her eyes then, and stared at her friend. She looked deadly serious.

‘You can’t be serious. We’ll die!’

‘No we won’t,’ the Doctor said, one arm clinging to Yaz, the other clinging to the metal beam. ‘Do you hear that?’

‘I can’t hear anything,’ Yaz cried. The wind was impossible now. Whipping her hair over her face, crawling up inside her clothes, her arms were aching from holding onto the Doctor so tightly and her face was numb and cold.

But there was something over the sound of the wind. An ancient grinding, moaning, screeching noise.

‘Is that...?’

‘Yes,’ the Doctor said grinning. Her eyes were watering from the cold, her nose and cheeks were bright pink and her lips were blue, but she was smiling.

‘I can see it, it’s coming towards us. I’m going to need the Sonic now, Yaz. If you don’t want to let go that’s fine, but I’ll need you to get it for me.’

Yaz tentatively let go of the Doctor’s arm, keeping her hand clutching tightly in the fabric of her coat as she rummaged in her pocket until she felt the slim, silver shape of the Sonic Screwdriver. 

‘Don’t let go of it now, Yaz,’ the Doctor said. ‘Don’t worry about passing it to me just in case, I need you to press the button, alright? We have to help the TARDIS locate us.’

Yaz wasn’t sure she’d have been able to pass it to her even if she had to. Her hands were numb and she thumbled with the Sonic, keeping it safe in the Doctor’s pocket in case her cold hands dropped it. She located the button, and pushed down hard.

The sound of the TARDIS began to get closer and closer, Yaz could hear it wheezing noisily behind her, spluttering and grinding.

‘I’m sorry,’ the Doctor called out to her ship. ‘I know you hate flying.’

Yaz fancied she could hear Graham and Ryan’s voices on the wind.

‘I c...c...can’t see,’ she stuttered. ‘Wha...wha...what’s g...g...going on?’

‘It’s alright, Yaz,’ the Doctor said. ‘Now you’re going to have to trust me, okay? Cause I’m about to do something a bit scary and quite mad even by my standards.’

Yaz nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She could feel her grip on the Doctor’s coat loosening, her head swam and her ears burned with cold and she was just so  _ tired.  _

‘Close your eyes, Yaz,’ the Doctor said. ‘Keep them tightly shut. And when I say, take a deep breath.’

The Doctor shuffled carefully closer to Yaz, tightened her grip, wrapping her legs firmer around hers and squeezing her so tight the image of a boa constrictor popped into Yaz’s mind. She was warm and Yaz hid her face under the Doctor’s chin, keeping it pressed against the fabric of her t-shirt, away from the cold. 

Her strength was gone now, only the Doctor’s arms wrapped tightly around her were keeping her still. She could hear words and the voices of her friends carried on the wind, but she wasn’t sure if they were really there or if they were all in her mind. 

_ What’s going on? _

_ Get away from the doors! Don’t try to catch us! The TARDIS is going to tilt so hold onto something! _

‘Deep breath now, Yaz,’ the Doctor whispered in her ear. ‘Hold onto me.’

Then they fell.

 

* * *

 

As soon as they’d seen the Doctor reach Yaz, Graham had pulled the lever and manipulated the handle in the way she’d shown him.

The TARDIS rose steadily into the air, groaning and lurching from side to side, throwing her two passengers onto the floor.

‘Now come on, none of that,’ Graham said, pulling himself to his feet. ‘We’re only doing what your missus asked us to do.’

He flicked the switch the Doctor had pointed out in case of this eventuality and the TARDIS soared higher into the air.

‘We’re moving,’ Ryan called from the doors. ‘We’re almost there.’

The TARDIS faltered around halfway up the crane and spun round from side to side, it was as though it was lost and was trying to search. Then the unmistakable sound of the Sonic Screwdriver reverberated off the inside of the ship, a dial on the console turned 180° and the ship sped enthusiastically upwards.

‘I can see them!’ Ryan yelled back to Graham. ‘I can see Yaz and the Doctor!’

Graham heard the Doctor call out to her ship and he ran to the doors to join Graham. They were only a few feet away from the metal beam the two women were on. Yaz was facing away from them and the Doctor had wrapped herself around her like a snake. Ryan could see her knuckles turning white from gripping onto the beam so tightly. 

‘What’s going on?’ Graham called. 

‘Get away from the doors!’ the Doctor shouted. ‘Don’t try to catch us! The TARDIS is going to tilt so hold onto something!’

Ryan and Graham ran back to the console and gripped the metal supports as tight as they could. Yaz’s handbag rolled to the back of the room as the TARDIS began to tilt backwards. The doors that led to other corridors and rooms at the back of the console room flew open and Graham could hear reverberating bangs from other doors as they echoed through the ship. It almost sounded like when you shouted in a cavern and could hear the echo of your voice getting quieter and quieter. The number of doors he heard banging sounded like they must at least be in the hundreds. 

Then the Doctor and Yaz flew past his face, there was a painful sounding thumping noise, and they vanished through the doors at the end of the room, an almighty  _ splash  _ coming from somewhere in the ship. 

The TARDIS corrected its tilt and the doors slammed shut, the central column began to move and then there was a thud that sounded as though the box had landed on solid ground. It hummed smugly, as though it was proud of itself. This came as a shock to Graham, who didn’t realise it was possible for a machine to make such a noise. 

Ryan and Graham picked themselves up from the floor and sprinted towards the swimming pool. Unless the Doctor had another large body of water in here,  _ which is more than likely,  _ Graham reasoned, the swimming pool was their best bet.

 

* * *

 

Yaz felt the sensation of falling, felt the Doctor’s arms around her, heard her shrieking in her ear, then felt the solid impact and the immediate silence as they landed in the water. The water was warm and Yaz felt her frozen muscles coming back to life. The Doctor let go and Yaz reached for her. She felt the movement of the water and then two arms pulling her out of the pool and onto the side.

The lights of the TARDIS were bright and she blinked. The Doctor left her sat on the side to get her breath back and came back with two giant fluffy towels. She’d taken her coat off and her blonde hair hung limply across her face. She also had quite a pronounced limb and was favouring her left side.

‘Here you go, Yaz,’ she said, joining her on the side of the pool with their feet dipping into the warm water, wrapping the humongous towel around her. ‘That’ll warm you up.’

Graham and Ryan came racing into the room then, Ryan slipping on the tiled floor. 

‘Were you never told not to run at the side of a swimming pool?’ the Doctor scolded him, but her eyes were glinting and there was a quirk of a smile at her lips.

‘What happened to your leg?’ Yaz asked, her teeth still chattering despite the warm towel. ‘Why are you limping?’

The Doctor frowned. ‘Oh, I dunno,’ she said. 

She tugged her boots off and lifted her legs into the air. Her right ankle was swollen and Graham could already picture the bruise that would be there tomorrow. 

‘Must have smacked it on the console as we flew past,’ she said. ‘It’ll be fine tomorrow I’m sure.’

‘We need to get you some ice for that, and it needs to be elevated on a pillow,’ Graham said sternly. 

‘Nah,’ the Doctor shrugged him off. ‘I’m sure it’s fine.’

Then she tried to stand up, and promptly sat back down again.

‘Alright, maybe not.’

 

* * *

 

Later that evening the four of them had congregated in what was, Graham thought, basically a movie theatre, except with sofas instead of the hard plastic chairs he’d been used to growing up.

The Doctor had her eyes glued to the screen and was noisily munching her way through a tub of popcorn. She had her injured ankle propped up on a pouffe and there was a bag of ice against it, slowing melting into the fabric. She also had Ryan asleep on her on one side and Yaz on the other. She didn’t seem to mind, or indeed - notice, and there was a blanket thrown across the three of them.

‘What are we watching?’ Graham asked, feeling a bit left out of the cuddlepile.

‘Dunno, Yaz chose it,’ the Doctor said, crunching her popcorn. ‘It’s good though, I like the singing.’

‘It’s  _ Moana,’  _ Yaz said sleepily, her head resting against the Doctor’s shoulder. ‘I like the crab song best.’ 

The Doctor nodded her agreement. ‘I agree, the crab song was phenomenal.’

Towards the end of the film, Graham felt himself begin to nod off too. The movie had finished and Ryan and Yaz were now slumped even more on the Doctor, Yaz was practically in her lap by this point. The Doctor had produced a book from somewhere and seemed perfectly happy to sit there and read. Graham couldn’t quite see the title from the angle he was sat at, but he thought it could be the new  _ Cormoran Strike  _ novel. 

He fell asleep to the sound of pages turning, and the Doctor softly singing  _ Shiny  _ under her breath. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I really wanted a giant cuddlepile.


	6. seek and I find I can sleep when I die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during the next episode 'Arachnids in the UK', another in-between moment.

Yaz woke up in her own bed that night, suddenly wide awake.

They hadn’t had time to sleep on the TARDIS. They’d caught a few minutes sleep on the boat crossing the water on Desolation, then again for a few hours in that grubby motel room but that had been it. The Doctor hadn’t seemed to need sleep either time. Yaz had no idea how long she’d been awake for but it must be days by this point. 

The exhaustion hadn’t hit until she’d been sat at the kitchen table with her family and the Doctor having tea. It was clear her family hadn’t wanted the Doctor to stay the night, something she’d fortunately picked up on, but Yaz had made her promise not to leave without a proper goodbye in the morning. Luckily for her, after scanning the news articles on Ryan’s phone, something seemed to have peaked the Doctor’s interest enough for her to want to stay for the next couple of days.

On her nightstand, her phoned buzzed. It was Ryan. 

_ Is it possible to get jet lagged in a time machine? _

_ Defo.  _ Yaz texted back.  _ I’ve just woken up, don’t feel sleepy enough to go back to bed. _

The clock on her phone flashed 5am at her. It was still dark outside and, with the exception of the odd car going past, it was silent.

_ I can hear Graham snoring through the wall.  _

Yaz snorted and quickly covered her mouth with her hand, not wanting to wake her parents up. 

_ At least someone is managing to get some sleep. _

_ Where do you think the Doctor is? _

_ Dunno, back in the TARDIS probably. _

_ Do you want to go check? _

Suddenly, Yaz had an urge to see the Doctor again. With the chaos that had turned her relatively quiet life upside-down the past few days, the Doctor had been a constant in it all, guiding them through it and getting them out safely on the other side. 

_ Yeah alright. Meet you in 20 minutes? _

_ K. _

* * *

 

It was cold outside and Yaz crossed the road as quietly as possible to where Ryan was waiting for her. 

‘Hey, sorry I’m late. Dad got up to go to the bathroom, I didn’t want him to hear me sneaking out.’

‘I think I could have banged the pots and pans together and Graham wouldn’t have noticed,’ Ryan said. ‘He’s dead to the world. I left a note telling him to call me though.’

They walked down the road and crossed the quiet housing estate. The Doctor had parked the TARDIS relatively close to Yaz’s home so it was a short walk. The blue box stood ethereally in the early morning light, the windows and the sign lit up brightly, like a beacon for weary travellers.

_ ‘Police Public Call Box,’  _ Ryan read, looking up at it. ‘What do you think that means?’

‘They were used as sort-of telephone boxes and prisons back in the late 20’s,’ Yaz said. ‘Police did all sorts in them. Answered the phone, had their lunch, did paperwork.’

She knocked on the door, but there was no answer. 

‘Where could she have gone?’ Yaz asked. 

‘Dunno, where would you go if you were an alien in Sheffield and fancied a night out?’

‘Corporation?’

‘You’re kidding, right?’

‘Why, do you think The Leadmill would be more what she’s into?’ 

Yaz knocked on the doors again but there was still no response. 

‘The sun’s starting to come up,’ Yaz said. ‘I say we start walking into town, maybe she wanted to stretch her legs. We’ve taken her to the charity shops in the centre so she knows how to get there, then if we don’t find her in the next couple of hours we come back and hope she hasn’t left?’

‘I don’t think she would,’ Ryan said. ‘She seemed pretty interested in those spiders.’

Yaz frowned. ‘Okay, where would you go if you were an alien in Sheffield and you needed information?’

* * *

They walked to all of the 24 hour internet cafes they could think of but there was no sign of the Doctor.

By 7am the sun had almost risen and the sky was a dusty pink. Commuters were starting to begin the journey to work and the roads were beginning to fill up. 

‘Do you remember that old saying about red sky at night?’ Ryan asked. ‘What’s the  _ red sky in the morning?’ _

_ ‘Shepherd’s warning, _ ’ Yaz finished. ‘I was just thinking that same thing.’

There came a banging from behind them.

‘Yaz! Ryan!’

They turned around. The Doctor was grinning at them through the window of a Costa, hands pressed up against the glass, blond hair messed around her face. 

‘She looks manic,’ Ryan said. 

Yaz eyed all the empty cups of coffee on the table the Doctor was sat on.

‘I think there may be a reason for that.’

* * *

‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ the Doctor said, ushering them over to her table once they’d come into the shop. ‘Something really weird is going on with this spider situation.’

She had that morning’s papers spread out across the table and an employee came over to clear away the empty coffee mugs, eyeing the papers. 

‘Are you done with those, love?’ she asked. ‘We’re about to get the morning rush come in, they’ll want the papers.’

The Doctor looked like she was about to protest but Ryan pulled his phone out. ‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘We can look on here.’

‘How much coffee have you had?’ Yaz asked, eyeing the Doctor warily. Her eyes were bright and she was practically bouncing on her seat. 

‘Dunno, not much. Three cups maybe?’

‘She’s had thirteen,’ the employee responded, sweeping the papers under her arm and fixing the Doctor with a look. ‘Honestly I’m surprised she’s still alive.’

‘That’s a good number, I like that number. Thiiiiirteen,’ the Doctor drew the word out and then paused and looked around her. ‘Wait, we’re missing one. Where’s Graham?’ her face fell. ‘Does he not want to hang out with me anymore?’

‘Don’t be daft,’ Yaz said. ‘He’s asleep still. It’s early.’

The Doctor frowned. ‘Then why are you guys up and wandering around? Have I not tired you out enough?’

‘We couldn’t sleep,’ Ryan said. 

‘And we wanted to come find you, to make sure you didn’t sneak off without saying goodbye.’

‘You wound me, Yasmin. Like I would do that. Plus there’s something weird going on now that I have to investigate. This spider situation, I can’t put my finger on it.’

‘What’s going on with the spiders?’ Ryan asked. His phone rang and they looked down at the screen to see Graham’s name flashing up. 

‘Perfect, we’ll meet up with Graham and I can explain it to all of you, I hate repeating myself.’

The Doctor turned to Yaz while Ryan answered the phone and arranged to meet up with Graham.

‘Hey, Yaz. Can I have another coffee? There was 20 quid in Bill’s jacket but I’ve spent it all, kind of fancy another one. Coffee helps me think.’

Yaz shook her head and stood up, pulling the protesting Doctor up by her elbows. ‘You’ve had enough coffee,’ she said. ‘If you have any more you’ll explode.’

‘You mean regenerate,’ the Doctor said, and started laughing hysterically at her own joke.

‘I’ve told Graham we’ll meet him at that cafe over there,’ Ryan said, pointing across the street. ‘I’m starving.’

The Doctor gasped and turned pleadingly back to Yaz.

‘Yaz…’

‘Yes, you can have a fried egg sandwich,’ Yaz replied.

The Doctor whooped loudly and practically sprinted through the door and across the street.

Ryan turned to Yaz. ‘We should probably follow her before she does something stupid.’

Yaz nodded her agreement. ‘I want to hear what this spider thing is all about too,’ she said, as they made their way back into the chilly morning air. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Corporation and The Leadmill are both night clubs in Sheffield :) I haven't been to either.


	7. been chasing dreams, but I never slept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another in-between moment. I feel like I don't give Graham enough love.

Graham woke up alone.

It was still a shock to him, after three years of waking up next to Grace, that now he was alone in the morning. He wasn’t very old, far too young to be a widower surely, he wasn’t even 60. 

He sat up in bed and looked around the room. He didn't know why he found it so peculiar that the TARDIS had bedrooms, he assumed the Doctor had travelled with people before them and it made sense that they had bedrooms, although goodness knows where the sheets came from; his duvet cover was Thomas the Tank Engine. He’d worried that the quiet hum of the TARDIS might keep him awake but had found it was actually reassuring. After sleeping next to someone for so long the sudden silence when they were gone felt like too much. The TARDIS’s gentle hum, and the soft patter of his friend’s feet he could hear every now and then from the rooms next door or the corridor outside, were reassuring to him and made him feel less like he was all alone. 

The TARDIS, as if sensing that he was awake, brought the lights up slightly so the room was illuminated in a soft glow. The Doctor had given them the grand tour the night before when they’d asked to stay. She’d bounced around all over the place like an excited puppy pointing out rooms and throwing open doors. He was pretty sure she’d mentioned a tennis court and a cinema, both of which he wanted to check out. Ryan had almost had a fit when they’d found the games room and Yaz had stared wide eyed at the library, piled high with, or so it seemed, every book in the universe. 

He wasn’t sure what time it was. For a ship that travelled in time and space there weren’t any clocks anywhere. His watch said it was just after 5am but who knows if that was right or not. Feeling awake, or at least like he wasn’t going to go back to sleep anytime soon, Graham got dressed and headed towards the console room. The Doctor didn't seem to sleep, or when she did it was a power nap with her head on the kitchen table for ten minutes, and he wanted to see if he could remember his way back through the maze of corridors. 

The console room was empty but he could hear voices from somewhere, what sounded like Yaz and the Doctor talking to each other and laughing. The TARDIS doors were open and the ship appeared to be suspended, hanging in space. 

‘Hello?’ he called, his voice echoing back around the room.

‘We’re out here!’ Yaz called back. 

Graham made his way towards the doors. Outside of the ship was a nebula made up of rich, vibrant colours. He stared at it, mesmerised until a foot landed gently on his head. Looking up, he saw the Doctor and Yaz sat on the roof of the TARDIS sharing a bag of marshmallows, their hair floating around them in anti-gravity. 

‘You coming up?’ Yaz asked.

‘Is it safe?’ Graham said, peering around him at the vastness of space. 

The Doctor tried to say something, but with her mouth full of marshmallows he didn't catch what it was. 

‘I think the Doctor means: “Yes, Graham, it is safe. The TARDIS has force-fields that stretch two meters around the ship”,’ Yaz said.

The Doctor snorted and almost choked. Yaz gave her a gentle pat on the back.

‘Sorry, Graham. Yes, what Yaz said,’ the Doctor said, once she’d managed to swallow the marshmallows.

‘How do I get up there?’ Graham asked. He couldn’t see anywhere to put his feet.

‘Gravity. No. Not gravity, the other thing.  _ Anti- _ gravity. You’re in space Graham, just float up here,’ the Doctor said. ‘The force-fields will stop you drifting off in the wrong direction.’

Feeling slightly apprehensive, but willing to give it a go, Graham let go of the solid door of the TARDIS and floated upwards.

‘Woah,’ he said, looking down at the empty expanse of nothingness below him. Staring out at the nebula in front of him, with Yaz and the Doctor somewhere above his head and the TARDIS behind him, Graham almost felt like he was alone in the universe. It was peaceful out here, and quiet, only the occasional noise from the TARDIS behind him or the chatter of his two friends sat on the roof reminding him of the absurdity of the situation. He began to float forwards but a soft  _ bzzt  _ pushed him back towards the TARDIS like a gentle nudge guiding him in the right direction.

‘Need a hand?’ the Doctor asked, and he felt her hand on his shoulder pulling him carefully upwards to the roof of the blue box. 

‘That’s amazing, that is,’ Graham said, still in awe as he sat between the two women. Well, sitting is probably the wrong word due to the lack of gravity. The Doctor and Yaz had tucked their feet under a wooden panel on the outside of the TARDIS to keep them anchored, so he did the same. 

‘Not bad is it?’ the Doctor said, assuming he was talking about the nebula. ‘See that?’ She pointed into the heart of the nebula where a cluster of small bright lights were beginning to form. ‘Nebulas are caused by lots of different things. Some of them are caused by the dust and gas caused by a star gone supernova. This nebula is a star nursery. All those lights are new stars being born.’

‘It’s amazing,’ Yaz said. ‘It’s so beautiful.’

Sat in between his two new friends, Graham was beginning to feel a little less alone. Even though he longed for Grace to be sat here with him, he knew she’d be proud of him for not isolating himself in the house and for stepping back into the world. Or stepping  _ out  _ of the world in this instance.

‘Marshmallow?’ the Doctor asked, holding the bag out to him. There was only two left.

‘Sorry,’ the Doctor said, as if reading his mind. ‘This body  _ really  _ likes marshmallows.’ She looked guilty, but her eyes were shining. 

‘Wooaaah,’ came a voice from below. 

The Doctor put her foot playfully on the top of Ryan’s head. ‘You coming up?’ she asked. 

‘Hell yeah,’ Ryan said. 

The Doctor reached her hands down to him and pulled him effortlessly into the air. He settled down next to her and pinched the last marshmallow from the bag. 

The four of them sat there in silence for a while, staring at the nebula and the bright colours that swirled inside it. Even the Doctor, usually a ball of boundless energy, seemed content to just sit and watch with them.

‘Can I just say,’ she said after a moment. ‘Thanks for asking. If you could stay with me, I mean. Seeing stuff like this,’ she gestured at the nebula, ‘it’s just no fun if you haven’t got anyone to show it to.’

Her voice cracked, and for a moment Graham seriously thought she was about to cry. But then she grinned that bright beautiful smile. ‘I love you guys, and I love experiencing things like this with other people.’

Ryan slung his arm over the Doctor’s shoulders and Yaz reached around behind Graham to squeeze her hand. Graham wanted to join in somehow but Ryan and Yaz seemed to have it covered. He awkwardly patted her knee instead. 

‘I think we all needed this, Doc,’ he said quietly.

Sitting with his new friends on the roof of the TARDIS, staring out into the vastness of space, Graham felt better. In fact, he’d almost forgotten that initial feeling of loneliness when he’d first woken up. He could hear the Doctor and Ryan bickering over what the time was behind them, the Doctor’s indignation that time was relative in a time machine and that humans slept too much anyway.

‘So?’ he asked, once the bickering had subsided and the Doctor had grudgingly agreed that it was, more or less, most probably around 6am. 

‘Where to next?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have concerns about how much I'm starting to ship Yaz & the Doctor.


	8. things are just things they don't make you who you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by this beautiful drawing I spotted on Tumblr :)
> 
> https://pencake07.tumblr.com/post/179569078003/me-not-posting-and-doing-literally-anything-else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER CHAPTER ALREADY? :O I had the idea for this then managed to type it up in about an hour so any typos are entirely my own!

It’s Yaz’s idea. She’s had enough of tripping over the Doctor in the morning when she decides to have a nap on the floor, or removing her book from under her head when she’s snoozing on the kitchen table in the morning, or (and this has happened on more than one occasion), untangling herself from the Doctor when pure exhaustion means she wandered into the wrong bedroom and fell asleep next to Yaz. Not that the last one is that much of a problem, but Graham and Ryan are starting to wonder…

The tricky part is distracting the Doctor long enough to manoeuvre the sofa from the market back through the streets and into the TARDIS. It was a bit of a spur of the moment thing. The enthusiasm with which the Doctor had excitedly talked about having her own purple sofa to sit on had inspired Yaz to get a gift for their friend. She had no idea when the Doctor’s birthday was, or even if it had come and gone already, but she preferred giving gifts spontaneously throughout the year rather than on specific occasions.

Ryan and Yaz had spotted the sofa in a corner of the market square on Prensium, a planet the Doctor had taken them to after Graham had asked if alien planets had markets the same as Earth did. There were similarities between the two, but while Yaz had been used to street sellers offering food, handmade gifts and those weird spiral ornaments that you hung in the garden, the markets on Prensium offered way more. The Doctor had already amassed a bag full of random bits of electronics and was still dashing about from stand to stand, picking things up, giving them a shake, and throwing them back down again.

‘Most of this stuff is junk,’ she’d told them. ‘But sometimes they don’t realise what they have. See this?’ she retrieved a small circular box from her bag. ‘They thought it was a jewelry box, it’s actually a housing unit for a luthonium core, one of the most powerful power sources in the galaxy.’

‘Do you have one?’ Graham had asked.

‘Nope,’ the Doctor had replied. ‘But it pays to be prepared. Plus I can use it as a jewelry box in the meantime, not that I have any jewelry to put in it.’ She’d fiddled with her earring, which Graham had never seen her remove. ‘Maybe I’ll just use it as a stuff box, I’ll put random bits of stuff in it.’ Then she’d dashed off again.

Yaz had traded a blue silk scarf she’d found in the TARDIS for the sofa. It looked new with a deep purple cover on it. They sat on it experimentally, very comfortable and no apparent broken springs either.

‘Got any ideas?’ Ryan asked, when they considered how to get it into the TARDIS.

‘It’s not too far,’ Yaz replied. ‘We can probably carry it, I don’t really want to ask the Doctor to move the TARDIS closer, I want it to be a surprise.’

‘Yeah same,’ Ryan said. ‘Shall we get Graham to distract her?’

Yaz looked over at the Doctor, who was currently arguing with a vendor over how much a book cost.

‘I think she’ll probably distract herself, but yeah good idea.’

With Graham informed of their plan and keeping a tentative eye on the Doctor, Yaz and Ryan lifted up the sofa and started carrying it back towards the TARDIS. It was heavy and they had to stop and rest a couple of times, but once they’d arrived at the TARDIS they came upon another problem.

‘Do you have a key?’ Ryan asked.

‘No,’ Yaz responded. ‘The TARDIS is telepathic right? Maybe if we ask nicely it’ll open the door?’

Ryan scoffed at that, but Yaz tried it anyway.

‘Um, hi, TARDIS, um Sexy’ she said, smacking Ryan when he started laughing. ‘We got the Doctor a sofa, cause we thought it would be a nice surprise, but we haven’t got a key to get in, so, um, could you let us in?’

And the door clicked open.

‘Pick your jaw off the ground, Ryan, we need to get this in before she comes back,’ Yaz said, feeling smug.

Fortunately, when turned on its side, the sofa fit through the TARDIS door. It didn't really match the decor in the control room so they decided to put it in the kitchen where everyone seemed to congregate when they weren’t zipping off around the universe and were having some down time.

The kitchen was a bit of a trek from the console room, but once they were in and had the sofa neatly backed up against the wall they knew it was worth it and high-fived.

‘She’s going to love it,’ Yaz said.

‘I hope so, if it’ll stop her falling asleep in the bath in the morning that’d be great,’ Ryan agreed.

Back at the market, the Doctor bounded excitedly up to them.

‘There you are!’ she exclaimed. ‘I was wondering where you’d got to. I’ve found a stand that does burgers. I love burgers. Or I think I do, I always used to love burgers. Shall we get some?’

Ryan wasn’t even that hungry, but the Doctor’s enthusiasm was so infectious that he didn't feel he could say no to her.

* * *

 

Back in the TARDIS with the Doctor happily sat on the floor going through her bag of junk, Graham suggested a cup of tea in the kitchen.

‘Sounds great, four sugars please,’ the Doctor asked, not looking up from her electronics and waving the sonic screwdriver over some weird metal box with wires sticking out of it.

‘Actually, Doctor, we want you to come with us,’ Yaz said. ‘We have a surprise for you.’

The Doctor looked up immediately, eyes wide with excitement. ‘A surprise? I love surprises.’

She picked herself up from the floor and practically ran down the corridor, her friends close on her heels.

Yaz managed to catch up with her before she made it to the kitchen and grabbed her arm.

‘Hang on,’ she said. ‘You have to close your eyes.’

‘Why?’ the Doctor said, staring at her blankly.

‘Because that’s what you do when you’re getting a surprise,’ Ryan told her. ‘Now close your eyes, we’ll tell you when you can open them.’

The Doctor looked dubious, but she obediently closed her eyes and Ryan and Yaz led her into the kitchen and stood her in front of the sofa.

‘Okay, you can open them now,’ Yaz said.

The Doctor stared at the sofa wide-eyed. ‘You got me a sofa,’ she whispered.

‘We did,’ Ryan said.

‘My own sofa. I can sit on it,’ the Doctor said, seemingly unable to believe what was in front of her.

‘Why don’t you give it a try?’ Graham asked, motioning for her to sit down.

The Doctor flopped herself down onto the cushions. ‘Oh wow,’ she said, ‘now this is comfortable, this is a very comfortable sofa.’ She rolled onto her back and stretched out across it, eyes closed and grinning. ‘Oh yeah, now this is a proper sofa.’

She sprang up again and grabbed Ryan and Yaz, pulling in Graham too and hugging them tightly. ‘Thank you for my sofa,’ she said quietly. ‘No-one has ever got me a sofa before.’

Her eyes were bright and Yaz had concerns she might actually start crying.

‘We wanted to say thank you, for everything,’ Yaz said. ‘And to ask you to use the sofa for your spontaneous naps rather than lying on the floor for us to fall over you in the morning.’

* * *

Yaz woke up in the night craving some water. The Doctor had taken them to Mexico in 1865 for what she affectionately referred to as ‘a takeaway’ and the hot spicy food had been delicious, but had also made Yaz extremely thirsty.

She clambered out of bed and stepped out into the corridor, making her way through the dimly lit hallways towards the kitchen. Whilst the TARDIS operated across all of time and space it always seemed to know what the humans considered their ‘bedtime,’ and would adjust the lights accordingly.

Yaz started to hear snoring when she was almost at the kitchen. She slowed her steps and peered cautiously around the door.

The Doctor was stretched out across the sofa, one arm thrown up over her head, the other hanging down over the side, fast asleep and snoring softly. She had a pillow under her head that looked a lot like the one Ryan had complained was missing from his room a couple of days ago and her hair was spread out across it, cheeks sleep-pink.

Yaz tentatively picked the Doctor’s arm up from where it was hanging over the side and rested it gently on her stomach. The Doctor’s coat was flung over a chair and Yaz carefully placed it over her friend.

She poured herself a glass of water as quietly as she could and tiptoed out of the room.

‘Night, Doctor,’ she said softly.

‘Night, Yaz,’ her friend mumbled sleepily.


	9. I made it through the darkest part of the night II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written for Yaz13fan who requested the Doctor comforting a teary Yaz.
> 
> Hopefully the next chapter will be cheerier (and longer!).

Alone in her bed that evening, Yaz drew her knees up to her chest, rested her head on them, and started to cry quietly. 

It had been one hell of a day. The TARDIS team was quickly learning that, despite the Doctor’s best intentions, sometimes the TARDIS took them somewhere they really needed to be, even if it wasn’t what they were aiming for. Today the TARDIS had landed in the middle of a battlefield with two sides that were engaged in a furious thirty year war with no signs of stopping. The Doctor had managed to end the fighting, essentially by yelling at them until they realised how petty the original offence was, but a stray bullet had claimed its last victim when they were arguing out the terms of surrender in the town hall, ripping through the body of a young girl who was one of many refugees that had taken refuge there. 

The Doctor had tried to stop the bleeding but she’d died in Yaz’s arms, frightened and alone. Yaz remembered that awful silence that had followed. A room full of hundreds of people, refugees, families, politicians and yet it was as though there was no-one there at all apart from the three of them, the little girl in Yaz’s arms and the Doctor holding her tiny hand. Yaz didn't even know her name, and no-one in the room knew which family she belonged to, or who she was. The Doctor had tried to talk to Yaz about it that evening once they were safely back in the TARDIS and hurtling through the time vortex but Yaz didn't want to talk. She’d stepped into the shower and let the hot water wash the blood and dirt off her body, blocking out the tentative knocks of the Doctor on the bathroom door. She’d overheard Graham and Ryan in the console room that evening consoling the Doctor, telling her that Yaz just needed time and she’d talk when she was ready. The four of them had all gone to bed, even the Doctor who never slept but who looked grey and completely drained after sorting out the peace treaty, four doors closing silently in the cavernous quiet of the ship.

Except now, alone in her room in the dark in the middle of the night, Yaz wished she had talked to the Doctor, she wished she had accepted her comfort and warm presence. Every time she closed her eyes she saw that little girl again, the girl with no name, the last victim of the brutal and unnecessary war. She let out a sob that she was unable to keep down and quickly buried her face back into her knees to block out the sound of her quiet cries. 

She heard movement from the room next to hers and the sound of the door opening and the soft patter of feet along the corridor. A shadow fell under the frame of her door and a gentle knock sounded on the wood. 

‘Yaz?’

It was the Doctor, whispering her name quietly. The shadow moved and the door opened a crack, the Doctor peering round to find her friend. As soon as Yaz saw her she started crying anew and she kept her head down onto her knees, not wanted the Doctor to see her like this. 

She heard the door close softly and thought she’d gone, but then the bed dipped and the Doctor climbed in next to her, wrapping her arms around Yaz and letting her yowl into her shoulder. She was warm and safe and her hair smelt like the raspberry shampoo that Yaz also used, the last echo of one of the Doctor’s previous companions on a shelf in the bathroom. She was dressed for bed in a baggy t-shirt that went down to her knees and her bare legs were pressed against Yaz’s, hands gently rubbing her back as she cried. 

Once the last hiccuping sobs had subsided, Yaz and the Doctor stayed still, clinging to each other. Yaz rested her head on the Doctor’s shoulder, not wanting to move. She’d forgotten how much she needed human interaction, how important a hug or a cuddle was every now and then. She’d thought the job had made her harder towards the unspeakable things people did to each other, but she was glad that she was still capable of feeling emotion for someone she didn't even know. 

The Doctor snuggled down further into the duvet, pulling Yaz with her. She held her silently, not saying anything, her fingers playing with Yaz’s hair the only indication that she was even still awake. 

Yaz rested her head in the crook of the Doctor’s arm and curled into her side. She didn't know what to say, didn't know if there even was anything to say, but the Doctor said nothing either so she closed her eyes, breathed out slowly, tucked one arm across the Doctor’s waist and fell asleep. 


	10. another day, another breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captured and almost sold as a slave, Yaz is rescued and returned safely to the TARDIS where the Doctor grapples with her feelings of guilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day I will stop beating up Yaz.
> 
> BUT NOT TODAY.
> 
> The tenses are a bit different in this one but I'm not sure I like it, I'll probably go back to how it was in the other chapters.

‘If you’ve harmed a  _ hair  _ on her head…!’

Yaz can hear shouting and yelling coming closer and closer down the corridor. The sound of boots thumping on the floor, someone protesting strongly, a familiar  _ bzzt  _ noise and the creak of the door as it swings open.

Yaz blinks hard at the sudden light coming in through the cell. She stands up and backs herself against the wall, squinting at the door. Temporarily blinded after being in the dark for so long, she can make out a familiar shape standing in the doorframe, brilliant blonde hair, the long grey coat and one of her many rainbow-motif t-shirts. The Doctor has come to rescue her, and she looks  _ pissed. _

The Doctor turns to the guard flanking her in the doorway, eyes full of fury.

‘Leave.’

It’s only one word, but it’s enough to send the guard sprinting down the corridors calling for help. Yaz sags heavily against the wall, sinking back towards the floor. She hasn’t eaten or drunk anything for a couple of days. She can feel an ache in her bones and her head is swimming, but the Doctor is there to catch her before she lands painfully on the concrete. She hears the whirring of the Sonic Screwdriver, the release as her chains drop heavily to the floor. Then the Doctor is lifting her up into her arms and carrying her out of the cell. She’s talking to her, but Yaz can’t quite make out what she’s saying, so she lolls her head against the Doctor’s shoulder. She smells like peppermint and the strange fabric softener the TARDIS has stored in the laundry room, but she’s safe and warm and feels like home. Yaz closes her eyes, giving over to the blackness.

* * *

‘I don’t like that look in your eyes, Doc.’

‘She’s okay, isn’t she? You’re the one that keeps telling us not to go looking for trouble.’ 

‘Just don’t do anything stupid, yeah?’

Warmth is the first thing that Yaz experiences when she starts to wake up. Warmth and a pressure in her hand, like someone’s holding it tightly. There’s a gentle hum around her that could only be coming from the TARDIS and she feels drowsy but comfortable.

‘I’m not going to do anything stupid, Graham. I’m just really, really, angry.’

‘Yeah I can tell.’

The aches and pains from being held up in that cell are gone and Yaz feels relaxed. She doesn’t have the hunger in her belly and her throat is no longer sore from lack of water. 

‘Look, let me go back there and sock him once, in the face. I’ll do it on your behalf.’

‘It’s a touching gesture, but I don’t need anyone to punch someone on my behalf, Ryan.’

‘Oh now I know you’re angry, usually you’d have told him that physical violence doesn’t solve problems.’ 

‘It doesn’t.’

‘You’re not actually going back to smack him one, are you?’

‘I’m seriously considering it.’

‘If anyone is hitting anyone it should be me,’ Yaz says quietly, opening her eyes slowly, wincing as they adjust to the bright light in the medi-room.

Someone (the TARDIS?) immediately lowers the lights so it’s less pressure on Yaz’s tired eyes, and she’s able to open them fully. 

The Doctor is sat on the bed with her, hand pressed firmly into hers. Graham is stood at the foot of the bed and Ryan is stood behind the Doctor. 

‘Hey, you okay?’ Ryan asks. ‘I got some blackcurrant squash for you, it’s your favourite.’

‘Aw mate,’ Yaz says, reaching her hand out for the glass. 

The Doctor, perhaps realising her friend needs two hands to safely take a glass, lets go and starts twisting the fabric of the blanket in her fingers as Graham helps Yaz sit up so she can drink. 

‘You alright?’ Graham asks her once she’s drained the glass and Ryan has been sent to get more.

‘Yeah, I think so,’ Yaz says. ‘I feel really good actually, considering.’

‘That’s the Doc,’ Graham says, punching the Doctor’s shoulder affectionately. ‘Living up to her name, apparently she does actually have a medical degree.’

‘From 1856, though,’ the Doctor interjects. ‘It’s a bit out of date.’ 

‘Still though,’ Graham says. ‘You did an awesome job patching her up.’

‘She shouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place,’ the Doctor says, so quiet it’s almost imperceptible. 

‘Now come on,’ Graham says firmly. ‘We’ve discussed this.’

‘It’s not your fault,’ Yaz says, seemingly aghast that the Doctor would even  _ consider  _ taking responsibility.

Ryan comes back then with the refilled glass and the Doctor excuses herself, saying she has important ‘TARDIS-related maintenance’ to take care of. 

‘You’ll come back though?’ Yaz asks, staring at her friend as she heads to the door.

‘Yeah, course,’ the Doctor says, but she doesn’t sound sure and she’s gone before Yaz has a chance to double check. 

‘Is she okay?’ Yaz asks Ryan and Graham.

‘Yeah, she thinks it’s her fault, what happened to you,’ Ryan says. 

‘But that’s ridiculous! She wasn’t even there!’

‘Yeah, that’s her issue,’ Graham tells her. ‘Says she should have been, said she has a duty of care or something.’

‘Oh for goodness…’ Yaz tries to climb out of bed but she’s hit with a wave of nausea and falls back onto it again heavily.

‘None of that,’ Graham tells her, helping her get back in. ‘The Doc was very clear on that, you have to stay in bed for the next few hours so the TARDIS can rehydrate you.’

Yaz looks down at her arms, expecting to see an IV or a cannula attached to her but there’s nothing there.

‘Don’t ask me how,’ Ryan says, hands up in the air in a  _ I don’t know  _ pose. ‘Some Time Lord science or something.’

* * *

Yaz wakes up later that night on her own. She’d chatted to Ryan and Graham for most of the evening and played a couple of board games with them, but they’d excused themselves to go to bed and she’d decided to catch some more sleep too. The Doctor hadn’t come back, but Ryan had found some food in the TARDIS kitchen and had made them all mac and cheese. He’d left the Doctor’s in a container on the side for her to eat later, if she even did eat.

Yaz flexes her toes experimentally and very slowly swings her legs over the side of the bed, waiting for the rush of dizziness to hit, but it doesn’t.

She stands up carefully, feeling the warm floor of the TARDIS beneath her toes, and opens the door of the medi-room, peering out into the corridor.

She’s dressed in a pair of flannel pajamas and there’s a blue dressing gown hanging on the back of the door which she pulls on as she heads out into the ship. She isn’t sure who put her in the pajamas but she’s  _ really  _ hoping it’s the Doctor and not one of the men.

The TARDIS lights are low but the corridors are still warm and comforting, not the frightening uncertainty Yaz usually associates with the dark. She treads carefully through the ship and heads towards the console room, but there’s no-one there. She decides to go back towards the kitchen, and finds the Doctor sat on her purple sofa with her bowl of mac and cheese on her lap, reading a book with a cover that looks like a bunch of squiggly lines.

Yaz almost wants to go back to her room, the Doctor looks so peaceful she doesn’t want to disturb her, but just as she’s tiptoeing back out into the corridor the Doctor calls after her, and Yaz pops her head back round the door.

‘You okay? You need anything?’ the Doctor asks.

‘Nah, I just... it’s okay, I should probably go back to bed.’

The Doctor puts her book down and frowns at Yaz. ‘You in pain?’

Yaz shakes her head. ‘No, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.’

Her friend looks surprised. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘Graham and Ryan told me what you said to them, about how you think what happened to me was your fault…’

‘Yaz…’

‘And it isn’t, it really isn’t.’

‘It kind of is,’ the Doctor says quietly. ‘I should have checked the monitor closer, I should have known that this planet sells humans for slaves, you should never have left the TARDIS in the first place.’

‘Doctor…’ Yaz steps into the room and sits beside her on the sofa. The Doctor puts her book and half eaten bowl of mac and cheese next to her and grabs Yaz’s hand.

‘I’m sorry, Yaz,’ she says, the pain in her eyes almost unbearable. ‘I really am.’

‘I don’t blame you, Doctor.’

‘You should, it’s my fault I put you in danger.’

‘You got me out of it!’

‘You should never have been in it in the first place!’

‘You can’t just wrap me in cotton wool!’

At this point the two women realised they were, essentially, yelling at each other in the otherwise quiet calm of the ship and the Doctor sighs heavily.

‘I’m just… I’m really sorry, Yaz.’

There was a silence, then Yaz says: 

‘You warned us. Remember? When we asked to stay you said you may not be able to keep us safe, you asked us to be sure, and we are. All of us.’

The Doctor shakes her head. ‘That’s no excuse.’

Yaz shuffled closer to the Doctor and held both of her hands. 

‘I love travelling with you,’ she says. ‘I love it. I love the amazing things you show us, the amazing people we meet, I love  _ you.  _ You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I  _ really really  _ mean that.’

‘So… you’re not mad at me?’

Yaz almost laughs at the question, but the Doctor looks so downtrodden she decides against it. 

‘No, I’m not mad you moron.’

The Doctor glances up at her through the curtain of her blond hair and Yaz moves closer and throws her arms around her neck, hugging her fiercely. 

She feels the Doctor’s arms rest against her back as she returns the hug and they stay that way for a few moments, holding each other.

‘I never used to like hugs,’ the Doctor mumbles into her shoulder.

‘Obviously not hugging the right person then,’ Yaz mumbles back.

‘You need to rest, Yaz,’ the Doctor tells her, pulling away. 

‘Fine,’ Yaz says. She stretches out on the sofa and drops her head into the Doctor’s lap.

The Doctor looks slightly taken-aback, but she shuffles backwards against the sofa and picks up her bowl of mac and cheese, balancing it cheekily on Yaz’s head before tucking in.

Yaz falls asleep listening to the sound of the Doctor turning the pages of her book, one hand resting lazily on Yaz’s head, running her hair between her fingers. 


	11. we gon' be alright, put that on my life II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter where I don't beat up Yaz!
> 
> Although I'm totally getting on board with the 'Doctor-teaches-Yaz-circular-Gallifreyan' train. 
> 
> For everyone that's left me prompts I haven't forgotten you! I'm working my way through :)
> 
> Also I'm running out of ways to make the lyrics match the content, so don't be surprised if they start not-relating to the story.

‘Oh good, you’re awake.’

Ryan opened his eyes and blinked blearily around. He was lying on his back with something soft under his head and something hard under the rest of him. It was cold and dark and it took him a moment to adjust to his surroundings. He sat up slowly and peered around him through the dark, trying to make sense of the shapes and the shadows on the walls.

The Doctor was sat next to him and she waved cheerily at him once she’d stopped being a blurry shape in his vision and had molded into an actual person. Her clothes were torn and she’d lost her coat but her smile was still bright. There was also a nasty looking gash on her forehead and blood had seeped into the blonde strands of her hair.

‘What happened to you?’ Ryan asked, reaching out towards her, then pulling back in case it was inappropriate and would make her uncomfortable.

‘Sorry Ryan,’ she said apologetically. ‘I was too slow.’

Images started to flood back into Ryan’s memory but it was as though he was remembering in slow motion. Him and the Doctor running through grass on a cliff, sprinting towards the familiar comfort of the TARDIS, their pursuers close behind them. Graham and Yaz were already in the TARDIS, urging them onwards. Ryan had fallen behind and the Doctor had turned to grab at his arm and pull him onwards but he’d stumbled and landed in the grass. She’d stood over him protectively, yelling at their attackers then she’d fallen, landing hard on the grass and blackness had washed over Ryan. 

‘Nah, it was my fault,’ Ryan said. ‘I tripped.’

‘Don’t be daft,’ the Doctor said. She was shivering, and failing to hide it, and Ryan realised the soft thing under his head had been her coat. He threw it back to her and she shrugged it on, shoving her hands into the pockets and frowning.

‘Where are we?’ Ryan asked.

‘Prison, I think, or something similar. That door is a giant rock rolled across the entrance. Bit like Jesus in the tomb.’

‘Jesus escaped,’ Ryan said, optimistically. 

‘Escaped? Come on Ryan, he came back from the dead,’ the Doctor said. She pulled random bits of paper and wires from her pockets. ‘Not sure I’ve got anything to get that door open. Sonic won’t work, I guess I could try and use the psychic paper on it...’

It was a joke. A terrible one, but still a joke, and Ryan chuckled quietly. 

‘Where’s Graham and Yaz?’

‘Locked in the TARDIS hopefully,’ the Doctor said, jumping to her feet then immediately sitting back down again, hands out at her sides to steady herself. 

‘Okay, too fast, let’s try that again.’

She stood up slower this time, hands out in front of her ready to take the impact if she fell, and stumbled carefully towards the door.

‘You alright?’ Ryan asked.

‘Yeah, I’m great,’ the Doctor said, hands pressed against the smooth surface of the rock, fingers probing for a gap or a hinge. ‘Only a little bump on the head, I’m sure the buzzing will stop soon enough.’

Ryan stood up carefully. His eyes had adjusted to the dark now and he was able to see the walls of the rocks all around him. It looked more like a cave than a prison and the ceiling was low, he could reach it easily with his hand without even having to stretch.

‘Who lives here?’ Ryan asked. ‘Who attacked us?’

‘Dunno,’ the Doctor said. She turned round and grinned at him. ‘I hardly ever don’t know things, this is new.’ 

‘You didn't know who 2Pac was,’ Ryan countered.

The Doctor pouted at him, and went back to pressing her fingers up against the rock, searching for a way out. 

That was when they realised there was a small hole in the wall, and water was starting to pour in.

* * *

‘No, listen, I agree we need to go after them, but we need a plan!’ Graham argued. ‘We can’t just barge in guns blazing and get ourselves captured as well. I mean, obviously no guns cause the Doc… but something!’

‘Do you have an idea?’ Yaz asked. ‘Cause I don’t! We don’t even know who those creatures are! They look humanoid…’

‘Apart from the four eyes,’ Graham pointed out.

‘... but they’re way bigger than humans though, and faster. Oh god what if they’re dead? What do we do then?’

‘Just don’t panic, alright?’ Graham said. ‘We just need to think. What would the Doctor do?’

Just then the TARDIS’ console began to beep urgently at them, but when Yaz and Graham hurriedly ran to look at it they saw only circular Gallifreyan on the monitor.

‘The Doc was teaching you how to read it, wasn’t she?’ Graham asked, hopefully.

Yaz chewed her bottom lip. She was beginning to understand the structure of the peculiar alien alphabet but was by no means fluent and it took her a long time to translate even one letter. She traced a symbol on the monitor with her finger and was relieved to find she was able to recognise the pattern of the shape. 

‘I’m going to need to grab some paper and a pen,’ she said to Graham. ‘This may take a while.’

* * *

‘Uh… what do we do?’ Ryan asked, the water already up to his ankles. It was freezing cold and his attempt at plugging the hole with his jacket was only slowing down the flow of water, not stopping it.

‘Don’t panic!’ the Doctor said, fiddling with her sonic screwdriver. ‘I’ve sent a message to the TARDIS for Yaz and Graham, didn't have time to put it into English but I’m sure Yaz will be able to translate it, eventually.’

‘That’s the bit I’m worrying about,’ Ryan said, eyeing the water as it went from a trickle to a burst and sent his jacket flying across the cave.

‘Stay positive,’ the Doctor said, but she didn't sound it. 

* * *

Scribbling frantically on her paper pad, Yaz had just about finished translating the message. There were a few shapes she couldn’t figure out but Graham had helped fill in the gaps and soon the completed message began to reveal itself.

_ Use the sonic tracker and bring the detonator.  _

‘The what?’ Graham asked, but Yaz was already rummaging through the box of scraps and weird alien artefacts the Doctor always kept in the TARDIS console room.

‘This!’ she said, holding a metal box aloft. ‘Reads sonic wavelengths and tracks its location. Should lead us right to them.’

She picked up a small circular item that looked to Graham like a wind up torch. 

‘This is the detonator. It’s basically a small bomb, will blow a hole in almost anything.’ 

‘How do you know this stuff?’ Graham asked, confused. 

‘The Doctor showed me,’ Yaz said, putting the detonator carefully into her backpack and switching on the tracker. It flashed then began to beep steadily, an arrow on the display pointing out of the TARDIS doors. 

‘What if those aliens show up again?’ Graham asked, but Yaz didn't have an answer for him. She grabbed the first aid kit from under the TARDIS console and headed towards the doors.

* * *

Waist deep in water now, the Doctor was trying to cheer Ryan up by telling him about the time she’d stumbled drunkenly into a party in 1756 France and had accidentally invited the cosmopolitan a bit ahead of time.

‘... I had ladies all over me, Ryan,’ she said. ‘Literally at one point. I tripped and knocked a few of them over, like dominos. Not one of my finest moments I’ll admit.’

‘You’re into ladies?’ Ryan said, before he could stop himself.

‘How do you mean?’ the Doctor asked, confused. 

‘Well… you know, like… do you prefer men or women?’

‘I like every gender,’ the Doctor said, completely missing the question.

‘No, I mean, if you had to choose to go on a date with a man or a woman, who would you want to go with?’ Ryan was grateful the cave was so dark, he was pretty sure he was blushing.

‘You got a crush on me, Ryan?’ 

‘What? No!’ Ryan exclaimed. 

‘I mean it’s okay if you have. I tend not to get involved with humans though, you age way too quickly,’ the Doctor said, and Ryan got the impression she was trying to let him down gently. The whole situation was so ridiculous, and she sounded so apologetic, that Ryan couldn’t help but laugh.

‘I don’t have a crush on you,’ he told her. ‘I’m just curious is all, probably overstepping.’

The Doctor shrugged, the water climbing steadily up her chest. ‘Don’t know unless you ask,’ she said. ‘Time Lords don’t conform to the silly gender norms you guys do. We “date” whoever make us happy.’

‘So if that was a woman…’

‘I’m married to a woman, Ryan.’

‘You’re  _ what?!’ _

But then the water reached his chin and Ryan began to find he was having to tread water to keep his head above the water. The Doctor, who was a good few inches shorter than he was, had presumably been doing it for a while. 

‘Are we going to die down here?’ Ryan asked.

‘Nah, Yaz and Graham will find us.’

She turned to look at the rock rolled in front of the door. 

‘Any second now…’

* * *

The tracker had led the two humans along the cliff edge and towards the rocky beach of the planet. It was starting to flash quickly now but was pointing towards the wall of the cliff where there was only hard stone. The tide was in and the water was pooling around the base of the cliff, soaking Yaz and Graham as they waded knee-deep through it.

‘It says we’re here, but we can’t be,’ Yaz said, looking up at the stone surface. ‘How can they be in there?’

She shook the tracker, as she’d seen the Doctor do before, but the arrow pointed adamantly at the rock wall.

‘Hang on, there’s something here,’ Graham said. He’d pressed his hands against the rock and looked like he was trying to push it. ‘I think there’s a rock or something covering the entrance, I can’t move it.’

_ ‘Graham!’  _ came a voice from inside the cliff.

‘Oh my god, Ryan, son, is that you?’ Graham said, frantically patting down the wall and searching for a way in.

_ ‘We’re in a bit of trouble in here!’  _ The Doctor’s voice called out.  _ ‘Did you bring the detonator?’ _

‘I’ve got it!’ Yaz yelled, tripping through the water to get to the cliff. ‘What do I do?’

_ ‘Hold it against the wall, press the button, and get out of th…’ _

The Doctor’s voice trailed off and, to his horror, Graham saw that water was beginning to leak out of the cracks of the stone blocking the entrance to the cave.

‘Oh my god, they’re going to drown!’ he yelled.

‘Hold on!’ Yaz yelled. She pulled the detonator out of her bag and pressed it firmly against the stone where it stuck fast. She pressed the button and grabbed Graham’s arm, dragging him away back along the shore as the device flashed and started to vibrate urgently.

* * *

_ The Doctor’s lungs were burning, black spots beginning to appear at the corner of her vision. She was sure she used to be able to hold her breath for longer, must be out of practice. _

_ The water was pitch black, she couldn’t see Ryan or hear Yaz and Graham outside. She swam through the water until she felt Ryan’s arm grab hers and she dragged him away to the furthest corner of the cave. Judging by how hard he was gripping her arm, the Doctor guess he was still conscious and she took his hands in hers, guiding them up until they were pressed against his ears. She did the same with her hands and closed her eyes… _

* * *

… then almost immediately bolted upright, almost headbutting poor Yaz who was leaning over her looking concerned. She could see Graham and Ryan out the corner of her vision, Graham tucking his jacket around Ryan’s shoulders.

‘What…?’

‘The detonator worked, it blew the door off,’ Yaz said, squeezing her friend’s hand. She was pressing something soft against the gash on the Doctor’s head. The Doctor could taste blood in her mouth and feel it running down the side of her face.

Satisfied the pad wasn’t going to fall off, Yaz wrapped a foil blanket around the Doctor’s shoulders and helped her shakily to her feet. They were away from the beach and were standing on the path leading back up to the cliff and the TARDIS. 

‘We better get out of here,’ the Doctor said, leaning heavily on Yaz as she supported her up the steep steps. ‘You okay, Ryan?’

‘Yeah, I’m good,’ Ryan said. ‘Bit cold though, could do with a cuppa.’ 

The four of them made their way carefully back to the TARDIS, the Doctor almost falling inside it but still managing to pull the relevant levers to send them safely into the time vortex.

‘For future reference,’ she said, although the group had a feeling she was probably talking to the TARDIS. ‘This planet is most certainly  _ not  _ uninhabited. Did you manage to get any data on the aliens that attacked us?’

The TARDIS beeped and the monitor flashed a few times. The Doctor frowned at the display. 

‘Don’t recognise this lot,’ she said. ‘Not very advanced probably, couldn’t see any buildings or manmade structures. May even be animals, difficult to say.’

The image on the screen was of a large creature, big like a bear but with four eyes and a snout like a wolf.

The Doctor shivered. Yaz initially thought it was as a reaction to the creature but then realised she was actually shivering quite violently, as was Ryan. 

‘You two, hot shower, now,’ Yaz told them. ‘Before you die of hypothermia.’

‘What, together?’ the Doctor asked. ‘Ryan doesn’t like me like that, Yaz.’

Ryan laughed and the pair of them walked off arm-in-arm into the depths of the TARDIS, leaving Graham and Yaz stood looking confused. 


	12. another sprint, another step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one so soon? I have loads of drafts I keep fiddling with, actually managed to polish off this one!
> 
> This is based (loosely) on a prompt from Valkyrie+Cain - the full whump potential in the Tsuranga Conundrum wasn't fully utilised.

The teleport back to Cephilin 27 took seconds but it wasn’t fast enough for the Doctor. She’d been jumping from foot to foot and practically doing laps of the ship by the time they’d arrived at Resus One, had given their statements, and were waiting to leave.

After the incantation for Eve, she’d stood at the window with Yaz looking out into space as the ship docked. She still had one hand clutching at her side but had brushed off Yaz’s concerns that she should let Mabli have another look at her and had instead pointed out the different constellations they could see from the window. 

Then baby Avocado had woken up and the Doctor had lifted him up deftly into her arms and had walked around the room chatting quietly to him so Astos could get some rest. The way she carried the baby and bounced him gently on her shoulder made Graham wonder if the Doctor had ever had children of her own. She’d mentioned a lost family but hadn’t gone into specifics and always seemed to change the subject whenever she was asked about her personal life. 

Ryan overhead her saying something to the baby in some musical language he didn't recognise that reminded him of bells and chimes. When he’d asked what she was saying the Doctor said it was a prayer for newborn babies in her long-lost language, but she hadn’t translated it for him. 

In between bouncing between her friends, clutching her side or eagerly pointing things out to whoever was listening, Mabli had tried to get her to sit down, calm down, lie down, do anything that involved being  _ down,  _ but she’d been too restless and Graham wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d started doing press-ups just to try and burn off some of her energy. 

Once back on the junk planet the Doctor had sprinted, albeit wobbly and mainly bent over, across the scrap back to the TARDIS. She’d practically hugged the console once they were safely back inside and she hurriedly manipulated the  controls, throwing levers and pushing buttons until the ship began to dematerialise. She leant over the controls and peered at the monitors. 

‘Right, back in the time vortex, we can hang out in here for a bit,’ she said, straightening up again. She turned to her friends and scrutinised them carefully. ‘Are you guys okay? Everyone feeling alright?’

‘Yeah, just need a nap I think,’ Yaz said. 

‘Cup of tea for me,’ Graham said. 

‘I might go play some videos games,’ Ryan shrugged.

‘So you won’t need me for a bit then?’ the Doctor asked.

‘Why? You going somewhere?’ Graham asked.

‘In a manner of speaking. Can one of you catch me?’

‘Wait… what…?’ but Yaz didn't get to finish her sentence before the Doctor crumpled in a pile on the floor. 

‘Oh bloody hell,’ Graham said as Ryan and Yaz raced over to her. ‘You’d have thought she’d have listened to a medic at least.’

‘She’s okay, I think,’ Yaz said, pressing two fingers to her pulse. ‘She’s just unconscious.’ 

‘Well we can’t leave her lying on the floor of the TARDIS,’ Graham said. 

The TARDIS made a pinging sound, as though it agreed with this. 

‘I think I know which one her room is,’ Yaz said. ‘Can you help me carry her?’

Ryan lifted the Doctor up under the arms and Yaz grabbed her legs and they awkwardly carried her through the ship until they’d reached the row of bedrooms. 

‘She’s a lot heavier than she looks,’ Ryan complained.

‘You’re doing a sterling job,’ Graham said, giving him a thumbs up. ‘I’d help but, you know, my back.’

Yaz nudged open the door of the room she thought was the Doctor’s and stepped inside. 

It was warm and cosy. There was a king size bed in the corner of the room pressed up against a window with a view of a beach. 

‘We don’t have a window,’ Ryan said, frowning.

‘I do!’ Yaz said. ‘My view is the stars though.’

‘What beach even is that?’

They gently laid the Doctor down on the bed and Ryan tucked a pillow under her head. She looked peaceful, more peaceful than they’d ever seen her, and Yaz pulled a blanket up over her. 

‘Is it bad I want to poke around?’ Ryan said, looking around her room.

‘There’s not much to poke around with,’ Graham said.

It wasn’t amazingly homely, more functional really. There were books rammed into bookshelves and a number of strange alien artefacts the three of them didn't recognise were dotted around. Post-it notes covered with those bizarre circular shapes were stuck haphazardly on things. A few stray articles of clothing littered the floor and a brown coat they’d never seen the Doctor wear was draped over a chair. 

‘Bit messy isn’t she,’ Yaz said. 

‘We should let her rest,’ Graham said. ‘Come on you two, I’ll put the kettle on.’

* * *

On his way to bed that evening, Ryan popped his head round the Doctor’s bedroom door.

She’d rolled onto her side and was curled up, cat-like, in the blanket, but she was still asleep. Ryan stepped quietly into the room and peered over her. When he was satisfied she was still breathing he left and crossed the corridor quietly into his room, closing the door softly behind him.

Graham did the same thing about an hour later. He’d been with Yaz trying to ‘talk’ to the TARDIS in the control room, just to make sure that they weren’t in any immediate danger with the pilot temporarily unavailable. The TARDIS had hummed and pinged and made some weird noise that reminded Graham of bubbles but they hadn’t understood what it (she?) was trying to tell them until the doors of the ship had been thrown open and they could see that the TARDIS was orbiting a moon.

‘Looks about as safe as we’re going to be,’ Graham had said, shrugging. 

Graham swapped the blanket for a warmer one, just in case the Doctor got cold, and left a glass of water on the bedside table for her. There was a photo on it of a woman with immense curly hair and Graham wondered who she was. 

The Doctor mumbled something sleepily and Graham leaned over her. 

‘What was that, Doc?’

But she only frowned and rolled onto her other side, starting to snore softly. 

* * *

The next day was a welcome break for the three humans. Yaz spent most of it alternating between the pool and the spa, testing the various packets and jars of creams that had been helpfully labelled ‘for face’ or ‘for feet? dunno.’

Graham spent the day rewatching old quiz shows in the TV room and Ryan managed to find a laser tag arena. Yaz joined him later and then they all reconvened in the kitchen to debate dinner. 

The TARDIS cupboards had some rudimentary packets of food in it but there wasn’t a lot and Ryan didn't really fancy pot noodles again. They managed to whip up jacket potatoes and beans and sat around the table to tuck into their food.

It was at this point that the Doctor reappeared, washed and dressed and bounding bouncily into the room.

‘Morning, fam,’ she said, grabbing the leftovers and sitting down to join them.

‘Pretty sure it’s the evening,’ Ryan told her.

‘You alright?’ Graham asked. ‘Feeling better? You were in a bit of a state earlier.’

‘Oi! Cheeky. I’m fine, ecto-spleen has settled down now. Needed that nap, felt like I was getting repeatedly stabbed in the side.’

‘Two days is not a nap,’ Yaz told her, but either the Doctor ignored her or she didn't hear her as she bent over her food and shovelled potato into her mouth.

‘I’m still mad he called that baby Avocado,’ Ryan said, grumpily.

‘Why?’ the Doctor asked, confused. ‘Great Earth hero was Avocado Pear. You should be grateful he’s naming him after a human at all.’

‘What… he’s a real person?’ Graham asked, shook.

The Doctor winked at him. 

‘Spoilers.’  


	13. so when I leave here on this earth, did I take more than I gave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because Graham and Ryan needed to have some time together.
> 
> Also tentatively bringing back the cuddlepile...

The TARDIS was quiet that evening, the lights down low, the gentle hum almost inaudible, Graham’s footsteps echoing through the empty corridors. 

He’d stopped at Ryan’s room first, but Ryan had been reading a book and hadn’t felt like talking. Yaz’s bedroom door was open and he spotted the Doctor and Yaz curled up together on her bed, talking softly to each other. He felt like he was intruding on a private moment so he quickly turned and walked back down the corridor before either of them noticed.

The TARDIS had boiled the kettle before he’d even walked into the kitchen and he poured himself a strong cup of coffee and made his way to the console room. The Doctor had been very clear on the TARDIS’s force fields. They extended two meters around the ship and, when in space, they formed a protective air bubble, as well as a barrier so you wouldn’t be able to float any further into space. One of Yaz and Ryan’s favourite pastimes in moments like these was to step out of the TARDIS and drift around it, arms outstretched. 

Graham opened the TARDIS doors. He’d noticed that, when they weren’t dashing about through time and space and were having some down time, the TARDIS preferred to place itself in orbit around a moon or an asteroid. This evening however, it looked more like a comet. Graham sat on the floor, legs dangling out of the TARDIS doors and into space to watch the comet. He felt that familiar pang at his heart. All the wonders he’d seen, the experiences time and space had offered him, the mad incredible woman they travelled with. He wished Grace was here to see it all. He was so grateful that Ryan had also made the decision to stay, he isn’t sure he could have made the decision without Ryan.

* * *

_ ‘What happens now?’ Ryan asked as they stood by Yaz’s car waiting for the Doctor. _

_ ‘I don’t know,’ Yaz said, quietly. ‘Back to life I suppose.’ _

_ There was silence from the three of them. They could see the Doctor outside the hotel with Jade, she was speaking urgently to her but the three humans couldn’t make out what they were saying.  _

_ ‘Will I meet you back at the house?’ Yaz’s mum said as she pulled up alongside them. _

_ ‘Yeah, I won’t be long,’ Yaz replied.  _

_ Najia looked like she was about to say something else but obviously decided against it, and drove off down the long gravelled path back to the flat. _

_ ‘How’re you going to explain everything to your mum?’ Ryan asked. _

_ Yaz twisted her hands. ‘Dunno,’ she said. ‘Not sure I can.’ _

_ The Doctor came walking back towards them then with Jade and clambered into the car without saying a word. Yaz got behind the driver’s seat and Ryan joined her in the front, with Graham in the back with the Doctor, who rolled the window down to say something else to Jade the others didn't catch. _

_ ‘All sorted, then?’ Graham asked as they drove away.  _

_ The Doctor was fiddling with her psychic paper, flipping the cover up and down in her fingers. In anybody else’s hands it might have been annoying, but in the Doctor’s it was endearing.  _

_ ‘I think so,’ she said, frowning. ‘Jade’s got a plan now, anyway. Should be alright.’  _

_ ‘Am I safe to go back to the flat?’ Yaz asked from the front. ‘With that spider next door?’ _

_ ‘You’ll be fine,’ the Doctor said. ‘Jade’s going to collect the spider later. It can’t get out anyway.’  _

_ ‘What do we do now?’ Ryan asked. _

_ There was silence in the car that stretched on until they got home.  _

 

_ The Doctor immediately headed off towards the TARDIS when they arrived back at the estate. It was getting dark but the blue box was lit up brightly like a beacon. _

_ ‘Hey!’ Yaz called after her. ‘Don’t you dare leave before we get a chance to say goodbye.’ _

_ The Doctor gave her a mock salute and stepped into the box, leaving the three of them outside. _

_ Graham shuffled his feet and looked up the hill to where his house, Grace’s house, their house, was. Ryan followed his gaze. _

_ ‘I’m getting the feeling she doesn’t like goodbyes,’ Yaz said, quietly. _

_ ‘I think you might be right, Yaz,’ Graham agreed. _

_ There was a short silence, then Yaz said: ‘I don’t want to go back to my life, I want to carry on travelling.’ _

_ ‘Me too,’ Ryan said, almost immediately. ‘I’m not sure I could bear it, going back to that warehouse knowing all that…’ he gestured up at the sky ‘... is just out there waiting for me.’ _

_ ‘Do you think… should we ask her? If we could stay, I mean?’ Yaz asked, timidly. ‘Do you think she’d say yes?’ _

_ ‘I’d like that,’ Ryan said. ‘And I dunno. She did seem a bit upset earlier when she realised she was going to be alone again, maybe she’d like the company. What about you?’ He turned to Graham who was still looking up the hill towards the house.  _

_ ‘I’m not sure,’ Graham said. ‘I think I need to think about it.’ _

_ ‘I’m going up to the flat,’ Yaz said. ‘I wanna shower and get some clean clothes. Meet you back here in a couple of hours?’ _

_ Ryan nodded. ‘Too right,’ he said. ‘Let’s go Graham.’ _

 

_ Back at the house, washed and in clean clothes, Graham stood in the middle of his living room. Everything in the room screamed of Grace, screamed of their life together. The sofa they’d chosen, the photos on the wall, the dining room table where they’d cooked Christmas dinner and Sunday roasts and eaten breakfast together every morning. Even the curtains, which Graham had always complained he hated, were full of Grace. The clock ticked on the mantelpiece, marking the steady passing and progression of time, every second without her helping him heal. He thought the Doc would appreciate the metaphor, maybe he’d tell her. It was too slow though. And the house was too empty.  _

_ ‘Gonna see the Doctor, see you down there,’ Ryan said from behind him. _

_ Graham nodded at him, said a quiet ‘yeah’ and caught Grace’s reflection stood behind him in the mirror. He turned to her, her beautiful face smiling at him, and he knew that he’d already made up his mind. _

* * *

‘You okay?’

Ryan’s voice from behind him interrupted Graham’s thoughts and brought him back to the present. If it even was the present in space, maybe it was just the present for him.

Ryan had obviously been pressing on the custard cream dispenser, which Graham knew the Doctor had told him not to touch, as he had a pile of them in his hands.

‘Don’t tell the Doctor,’ he said, sitting down next to Graham and handing him some. 

‘She alright?’ Graham asked. ‘Yaz, I mean.’

‘Yeah, I think so,’ Ryan said. ‘The Doctor was talking to her, trying to help her process it, I think. She’ll be okay, she’s strong.’

The four of them had been caught in a sand storm earlier that day, but like no sand storm Graham had ever experienced. Tiny microbes living in the sand fed off of your memories, reducing you to a shrivelling emotional husk with no memory of who you were. Yaz had been hit first, dropping to her knees and screaming before the Doctor had a chance to tell them to run. She hadn’t told them what she’d seen, what she’d remembered, but in her years at the police Graham could imagine it was probably awful. Graham had been assaulted by memories of Grace, the pain coming back sharply and stabbing him in the heart. The knowledge that she was gone seemed to hurt worse now than when it initially happened. Ryan and the Doctor hadn’t said what they’d seen, hadn’t wanted to share. The Doctor had bundled up Yaz in her coat and hurried her through the TARDIS and straight into her room so she could calm her down, Yaz shaking uncontrollably and crying. 

Graham looked out at the comet in front of them. It still seemed impossible to him, even with all the things that he’d seen, that he was space right now and was actually staring at a comet. All the lessons he’d taken in school, the astronomy classes he’d gone to as a teenager, never in a million years did he think he’d even be able to see a comet through a telescope, let alone have it directly in front of him. 

‘What comet do you think it is?’ Ryan asked, breaking through Graham’s reverie. 

‘Not sure,’ Graham said. ‘I keep thinking it’s Halley’s Comet, but it probably isn’t. I don’t really know any other famous comets.’ 

The TARDIS pinged urgently behind them and Ryan stood up to inspect the console, not that he really knew what he was looking at. He laughed and Graham turned around, confused. 

‘I think the TARDIS was eavesdropping on us,’ he said. ‘It’s popped up with a message saying it  _ is  _ Halley’s comet.’

‘No way,’ Graham breathed. ‘That’s awesome! I wish your gran was here to see it.’

‘Yeah, me too,’ Ryan said. ‘She’d probably get her camera out, take a Polaroid or something.’

‘Where do you think she is, right now?’ Graham asked. ‘She was always so sure she knew where she was going.’

‘I liked what the Doctor said,’ Ryan said. ‘Remember? About energy going back into the universe. Maybe she’s a star or something.’

Graham laughed. ‘Or a packet of crisps.’

‘Or a window.’

‘Or a Pomeranian, man did she hate those dogs.’

They were silent for a while, and Ryan sat back down next to him.

‘I’m really glad you’re here, son,’ Graham told him. ‘I’m really glad I get to share this with you. In some ways, it’s like I’m sharing it with Grace.’

‘Yeah,’ Ryan said. ‘I think the same about you, man.’ 

* * *

Yaz’s bedroom had gone quiet and Graham carefully popped his head round the door to make sure everything was okay.

The Doctor and Yaz were both asleep curled up around each other, Yaz tucked into the Doctor’s side with her coat being used as a makeshift blanket. There was an (empty) bag of marshmallows between the two of them and it looks as though the Doctor was now sporting bright pink toenails. 

‘Girls night?’ Ryan shrugged. ‘As long as Yaz is feeling better.’

‘What do you reckon?’ Graham asked Ryan. ‘With these two, I mean?’

‘What do you mean?’ Ryan asked.

‘Do you reckon they’re, you know, seeing each other?’ Graham said. 

Ryan frowned. ‘I dunno,’ he said. ‘Maybe you should ask them.’

‘Not that brave!’ Graham said. He pulled Yaz’s bedroom door to slightly and woke the Doctor up, who blinked sleepily at him and gave him a questioning look.

‘Everything’s fine, night Doc,’ he told her, but she was already asleep again. 


	14. you know I'm back like I never left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based on a prompt from Skendo who wanted to see the gang experience one of the Doctor's past incarnations :) I've never written the Twelfth Doctor before so I hope I've done him justice!

Their trip to the Paradise Planet of Sonium 3 had been cut short when, en route to the planet, the TARDIS console exploded, spewing hot white smoke into the air and short-circuiting the equipment. Yelping, the Doctor had managed to navigate them to a nearby planet and they’d landed on the ground with a bump that had knocked them all over. Once the doors were opened the Doctor hurried them out so the smoke from the console could disperse into the planet’s atmosphere. Despite her reassurances that it was non-toxic and wouldn’t harm the environment, Graham couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt as it billowed into the sky. He walked everywhere, recycled everything, never even left a plug on standby. The Doctor nudged him with her elbow.

‘Non-toxic, Graham. It’s basically just water vapour. Very, very hot water vapour.’

‘How long will it take to repair?’ Ryan asked. He noticed some market stands up ahead and was hoping there was at least some form of food he could eat. Breakfast seemed a long time ago.

‘Not long, couple of hours or so to get rid of all the smoke and repair the console.’ The Doctor rummaged around in the cavernous expanse of her pockets, which always reminded Yaz of Mary Poppins’ carpet bag, and produced a handful of coins that she hurriedly counted and split amongst her three friends.

‘Right, 350 renuts each. See what damage you can do with that. I better stay here, need to keep the TARDIS doors open for ventilation and I’m not leaving her alone like that. Someone get me a biscuit.’

‘You’re not coming with us?’ Graham asked. ‘How will we know what’s safe to eat?’

The Doctor handed him her sonic screwdriver. ‘Anything that looks tasty, press the button on the sonic. If it flashes once it’s safe to eat, twice it’ll probably kill you, three times it doesn’t even know what it’s made of and you _definitely_ shouldn’t eat it. Off you pop! Have fun!’

‘Wait… Doctor, your hands!’ Yaz said, unconsciously grabbing the Doctor’s wrist. Her hands were covered in blisters, most likely burns caused by the hot smoke as the Doctor had steered them safely out of danger. She didn't seem bothered though, or indeed to have even noticed them.

‘They’ll be fine,’ the Doctor said. ‘I’ve got a cream for it, got a cream for most things actually, I’ll patch myself up, you guys go have fun, don’t forget my biscuits!’

‘You said biscuit, singular, before,’ Graham told her.

The Doctor gave him her best hurt puppy look that always made Yaz want to cry.

‘But I’m injured,’ she said mournfully, holding up her hands.

* * *

The market reminded Yaz of home. It was busy and the smells that filled the air were delicious. Vendors yelled at each other over their wooden carts and Yaz found she was glad that, aside from the money wrapped tightly in her palm, she hadn’t brought any valuables along with her. Packed in as they were in the stream of people making their way through the markets it would have been so easy for someone to slide a bag off her shoulder. Graham had managed to find a pastry that was safe to eat and was chomping on it happily while Ryan waved the sonic over what he thought was noodles. The sonic flashed twice at him and Ryan pouted.

‘How about that?’ Yaz asked, pointing to what looked like miniature pork pies. The sonic gave its approval and they bought a handful to munch as they found a quiet corner to stand in. Ryan had managed to find a bag of biscuits for the Doctor that looked like bourbon biscuits crossed with shortbread and he tucked it into his pocket.

‘Wanna head over there?’ Graham asked, pointing to a stand a little way off once they’d all finished their food. ‘I saw something that looks like eclairs, hoping it’s edible.’

‘My turn with the sonic!’ Yaz said, holding her hand out for Ryan to drop it into.

But before the trio had a chance to even wipe the crumbs from their mouths they felt the earth open up below their feet and the dizzying rush as they fell into it.

* * *

‘Arrrrgh,’ Ryan woke up crossly, the stone floor beneath him uncomfortable and cold.

‘You alright?’ Yaz asked. She was sat against the wall, legs crossed neatly at the ankle. She looked relatively unharmed although her clothes were covered in a thin layer of dust.

‘Where are we?’ Ryan asked, sitting up slowly with the help of Graham who was kneeling beside him.

‘I don’t know,’ Yaz said. ‘It’s a bit chilly though.’

‘Have you got your phone?’ Ryan asked. ‘Can you ring the Doctor?’

Yaz shook her head. ‘No,’ she said. ‘They took it off me.’

‘Who?’ Ryan asked.

Yaz nodded her head towards the opposite side of the cell where a group of mean looking aliens with what looked like Mohawks had dismantled the phone and were making a series of strange clicking sounds as they scrutinised the parts.

‘Did they bring us here?’ Graham asked.

‘No, I don’t think so,’ Yaz replied. ‘I think they’re in here with us.’

‘Where are we?’ Ryan said, looking around.

They were in a cell with a concrete floor and stone walls. The only door was made of thick metal and Graham was sure there would be a guard on the other side of it preventing an escape. Along with the Mohawk-aliens there were others in the cell, leaning against the walls or sat on the floor. One was even doing one-handed push-ups.

‘Wait, Yaz,’ Graham said, voice dropping to a whisper. ‘Do you still have the…?’

‘Yes, it fell into my shoe,’ Yaz said quietly. She was grateful she’d chosen that day to wear boots. Whilst the shape of the sonic was digging uncomfortably into her ankle, it was also hiding it from any alien in the cell that may take a shine to it.

‘What’s in your shoe?’ came a voice from behind them. ‘If it’s a potential implement of our escape then I’d be very interested to know what it is.’

The three humans turned slowly around. There was a man sat behind them with a shock of white hair wearing a black coat and a white shirt with a waistcoat. At a push Graham would estimate him to be around 60 and his accent was decidedly Scottish.

‘You’re human,’ Ryan said, staring.

‘Me? Oh no, don’t let the accent fool you. You lot are human though, what on earth are you doing here?’

The man shuffled forward to join them and fixed his gaze on Yaz’s boot. ‘And what,’ he said, ‘are you hiding in there?’

Yaz had turned white as a sheet and was looking a little as though she’d seen a ghost but Ryan defensively moved in front of her.

‘Leave her alone,’ he told the man, as sternly as he could manage.

‘Oh don’t worry I’m not going to harm you,’ the Scotsman replied. ‘I want to help you. Lost my sonic you see, or left it in the TARDIS, not really sure. Either way, kind of stuck here. Did try talking my way out of it, didn't really work.’

‘Wait… did you just say you left your sonic in your TARDIS?’ Graham asked, confused.

‘White-haired Scotsman,’ Yaz said quietly. ‘You’re the Doctor.’

The Doctor peered at her, confused. ‘How on earth do you know that?’ he said, then - ‘no wait don’t tell me, it’s probably best I don’t know. In all seriousness though, what’s in your shoe?’

‘Sonic screwdriver,’ Yaz told him at the same time Ryan said: ‘none of your business.’

‘Ooh conflicting answers there,’ the Doctor said. ‘I’m going with hers,’ he nodded at Yaz. ‘Give it to me.’

Without a moment’s hesitation, Yaz dug the sonic out of her shoe and handed it to him as Graham and Ryan protested loudly.

‘That’s the Doc’s! You can’t just give it away!’ Graham said.

The Doctor winched. ‘Okay, probably shouldn’t have heard that. Never mind, I’ll probably forget it at some point. You three travelling with a future incarnation of me then? Yes? I’d better keep you safe in that case, don’t want the future Doctor getting mad at me.’

‘Wait, what is going on cause I’m well lost,’ Ryan said.

‘That’s the Doctor,’ Yaz said.

‘No, it isn’t,’ Graham told her. ‘For one thing, he’s a…’

‘Ah ah ah, no spoilers please,’ the man said. ‘I am the Doctor, not the Doctor you lot are used to obviously but I am he. And I’m going to get us out of this cell so we can all get back to our respective TARDIS’ and continue on our merry way.’

He stood up and looked down at the three humans. ‘Sound good?’

He strode into the center of the room and started talking loudly to get everyone’s attention while Yaz, Graham and Ryan sat dumbfounded and a bit lost on the floor.

‘How on earth did you know that was the Doctor?’ Ryan asked Yaz.

‘Don’t you remember?’ Yaz said. ‘On the train, when she fell through the roof and got confused when I called her madam. She said “half an hour ago I was a white-haired Scotsman”.’

‘Yeah but she was totally out of it,’ Graham said. ‘I thought she was just spouting nonsense.’

‘She’s told us she used to be a man,’ Yaz said. ‘I mean we all know she’s an alien so this shouldn’t really come as too much of a shock.’

‘Yeah, but… _him?’_ Graham said, pointing.

There was a whir and a buzz they all recognised as the Doctor waved the sonic screwdriver at the door and it opened with a creak. Immediately a guard burst through but he ran straight into one of the Mohawked-aliens and the Doctor ran back to grab Yaz’s hand, pulling her to her feet.

‘Time to go!’ he said, tugging her along behind him as the four of them made a dash through the door with the other prisoners. It was pitch black in the corridor, but fortunately one of the aliens had a glowing head and he led them all along the rabbit-warren, up some stairs, back down them again, and then finally bursting through a door back onto the surface where the sun was setting and it was a lot cooler.

The aliens dispersed quickly through the market and the Doctor turned to look at the three humans, face stern.

‘You lot alright?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ Ryan said quietly. ‘I think so.’

_‘YAZ! RYAN!’_

The panicked yell cut through the air like a knife and Yaz immediately wanted to sprint off towards the sound.

‘Sounds like someone’s looking for you,’ the Doctor said, handing Yaz back the sonic screwdriver. ‘Thanks for the loan, I better be off, probably shouldn’t bump into my future self, never a good idea.’

_‘GRAHAM! WHERE ARE YOU?’_

The Doctor winked at them and strode off, whistling. Graham fancied he could almost see the shape of a familiar blue box tucked behind a vendor’s stall.

‘YAZ!’

The Doctor, their Doctor, burst through the market looking dishevelled and extremely worried. She grabbed hold of Yaz’s arm with one hand and Graham’s with the other.

 _‘Don’t do that to me again._ Where have you _been?!_ I’ve been so worried!’

‘We got captured,’ Graham said, sounding surprisingly nonchalant all things considered. ‘Don’t worry though, we managed to escape.’

_‘WHAT?’_

‘We’re alright,’ Yaz said, thinking she’d better try and calm the Doctor down before she had a heart attack. _Or hearts attack? Would they both go?_ Yaz wondered.

‘Oh for the love of….’ the Doctor looked like she was either going to kiss Yaz or slap her and Ryan produced the bag of biscuits, slightly bashed but still edible, from his coat pocket.

‘Got you these,’ he said. Her hands, Graham noticed, as she reached out to take the bag of biscuits from Ryan, were wrapped in bandages.

‘Ryan Sinclair,’ the Doctor said with a sigh. ‘Turns up 15 minutes late with biscuits.’

‘Is that how long we’ve been gone?’ Graham said, confused.

‘No, Graham,’ Ryan said, frustrated. ‘It’s a meme, she’s quoting a meme. The Doctor is so much cooler than you right now.’

The Doctor looked smug but Graham looked annoyed.

‘Right, back in the TARDIS, all of you. I want to hear everything,’ she told them sternly, linking arms with Yaz and Ryan and all but dragging them back to the TARDIS.

‘I don’t think you do…’ Graham said quietly, as he followed them back to their home.


	15. been chasing dreams, but I never slept II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz whump and the Doctor in a bikini, don't say I never give you anything.

The headaches start that evening when they’re all sat in the library. Graham is napping in the chair, Ryan has his headphones in and is watching something on the screen of his phone and the Doctor is stretched out on the sofa with her legs across Yaz’s lap, reading. She’d been insistent that simply sitting next to Yaz wasn’t enough, she had to stretch out across the  _ whole thing,  _ even though Yaz was there first. Yaz doesn’t mind too much though, the weight of her legs is comforting and it’s the perfect height for her to comfortably rest the book she’s reading against the Doctor’s calves, using them as a book stand. 

Graham snores loudly and even Ryan unplugs a headphone to see what the sound was. Then an agonising pain flashes across the front of Yaz’s head and she leans forward with a shout, hands over her ears, eyes screwed up in pain.

‘Yaz?’

The Doctor’s legs are gone from her lap and suddenly she has both Ryan and the Doctor in front of her, trying to get her to focus on their voices instead of the lighting bolts of pain firing through her head. There’s a buzzing in her ears that’s getting louder and louder and it feels as though her head is full of white noise.  

She hears the whirr of the sonic and Ryan asks the Doctor a question. She doesn’t hear the reply though because then she blacks out, praying that someone will catch her as she falls forward. 

* * *

She wakes up on the floor with her three friends leaning over her. The Doctor pushes the two men back to give her some space and Yaz blinks blearily up at them. She can still feel the pain in her head but it isn’t as bad and she’s starting to be able to focus on the Doctor’s voice.

‘.... Yaz? You in there?’

‘Um, yeah?’ Yaz replies.

Someone helps her sit up, she thinks it’s Graham.

‘What happened?’ Ryan asks. ‘You alright?’

‘I dunno,’ Yaz says. ‘I just got this pain in my head, but not like a headache pain, like a brain on fire kind of pain.’

‘Migraine?’ Graham asks.

Yaz shakes her head. ‘No, I’ve had migraines before, this isn’t that.’

Then the Doctor’s arm is around her waist helping her shakily to her feet.

‘Can you walk?’ she asks. 

Yaz nods, and Ryan positions himself on her other side and takes her arm. Her two friends support her as they head to the medbay where Ryan assists her to sit on the edge of a bed and the Doctor puts something resembling a helmet over her head. 

‘This isn’t going to hurt, Yaz,’ she says, pressing a hand against Yaz’s. ‘It’s going to read your brain waves and let me have a look at what’s going on in there.’

The helmet whirrs but it doesn’t hurt, and when the Doctor tugs it off her head Yaz can see her brain displayed on the datapad in the Doctor’s hand. 

‘Oh good,’ Yaz says, trying to break the tension in the room. ‘I do have a brain in there then.’

‘Could’ve fooled me,’ Ryan tells her, and Graham gives him a light smack on the arm.

The Doctor frowns at the datapad and taps it crossly. She mutters something angrily and throws the datapad onto the bed, rubbing her eyes and making an ‘arrrgh’ noise.

‘Um, Doctor…?’ Yaz asks.

Her head snaps up and she smiles apologetically at her. ‘Sorry Yaz. It’s not super bad news so that’s good…?’

The lilt at the end of the sentence confuses Yaz more than reassures her and she looks down at the discarded datapad on the bed. 

‘So, what is it then?’ Ryan asks. 

‘So, that planet we went to yesterday…’

Yaz remembers. It was a luscious rain-forest where they’d hiked for miles through the canopy. It was beautiful, definitely in the top ten of Yaz’s favourite planets that they’d visited. 

‘You’ve picked up a parasite,’ the Doctor tells her, and Yaz frowns. 

‘A what?’

But the Doctor has tipped Yaz’s head gently forward and is running her fingers through the thick locks of her hair. It feels nice, but Yaz doubts she’s doing it to comfort her. 

‘Ah! Got you! Graham, pass me the tweezers,’ she gestures to the counter behind her.

Yaz feels a tug and a  _ schnick  _ sound that echoes in her ears, then the Doctor is turning back to the counter, tweezers in hand, shoving something into a glass jar. 

‘What the  _ hell  _ is that?’ Ryan shrieks.

‘Tropic-bug,’ the Doctor says. ‘Lives in rain-forests, attaches itself to your head or spine and feeds off spinal fluid. Not enough to kill you, but enough to give you awful headaches.’

Yaz can feel another one brewing at the base of her skull and she grits her teeth, luckily the Doctor notices before she has a chance to say anything and she grips Yaz’s arm tightly. 

‘It’ll wear off,’ she tells her. ‘This time tomorrow morning, you’ll be right as rain. The CSF will regenerate overnight and you won’t get anymore headaches.’

She presses a small white tablet into Yaz’s hand. 

‘Go to bed and take this, it’ll help you sleep. If you do get any more headaches, come and find me, okay? I’ve got a plan B we can try.’ 

* * *

Yaz wakes up in the night with a crushing, blinding headache that feels as though her skull is being split in two. She clutches her head in her hands and tires to breathe through the pain. It works for a bit, but she can feel the pain threatening to resurface so she stumbles out of the bed, landing heavily on the floor on her hands and knees, gritting her teeth and clutching hard at the rug. The Doctor’s room is next to hers and she heard the door close a while back so that’s most likely where the Doctor is. It’s only next door, she can make it. Probably.  

Yaz clutches at the walls of the TARDIS as she stumbles through her door and turns down the corridor to the Doctor’s. The ship hums sympathetically under her hands and she feels it inside her head, pushing the pain back enough for her to make it to the door. She twists the doorknob of the Doctor’s room slowly and quietly, peering round into the room to see if her friend is awake. The room is dark and she can just about make out a shape on the bed under a duvet. Yaz considers going back to her room and seeing if she can breath through the pain, but she can feel it at the back of her head again, throbbing and clawing at the inside of her skull. 

‘Doctor?’ the sound of her voice is soft and it echos in the room, but the shape on the bed doesn’t move and Yaz almost stumbles and falls as something  _ burns  _ in her mind. 

She manages to make her way to the Doctor’s bed and clambers into it, trying to untangle herself from the sheets as they wrap around her legs. She knows they’re not actually moving but it  _ feels  _ like they are and  _ oh god the pain is everywhere and she can’t breathe. _

She reaches out towards the Doctor desperately, her blond hair peeking out from under the duvet she’s burrowed herself into. Yaz can’t speak, her voice has gone and hot tears are falling down her cheeks. The Doctor seems far away from her now, she stretches her arm out but her friend is out of her reach. An explosion goes off inside her head and Yaz curls into a ball on the bed and screams. 

* * *

‘Tequila Sunrise?’

Yaz opens her eyes and a bright light assaults them, forcing her eyes closed again. She’s warm and the pain in her head has completely gone. There’s something soft and grainy under her fingers and she can smell fresh air and feel the warmth on her skin.

‘Whoops, sorry, try again.’

Yaz opens her eyes again and finds the Doctor’s hand hovering a few inches in front of her face, blocking out the light.

She turns her head and finds the Doctor leaning on her side in a blue bikini, sunglasses pushed up onto the top of her head, slurping something orange out of a glass with a paper umbrella in it. 

Yaz sits up slowly and looks around. She’s lying on a beach with the blue expanse of the ocean stretched out in front of her. The sky above is clear and when she curls her toes she can feel the sand beneath them. She’s wearing a one-piece swimming costume and her hair is loose around her shoulders. She blinks from the light and the Doctor nudges a spare pair of sunglasses into her hands and offers her another glass of the same orangey-liquid she’s currently drinking out of.

‘Tequila Sunrise?’

‘Am I dead?’ Yaz asks, taking the glass from her hands and staring down into it. She runs the material of the paper umbrella through her fingers, certainly feels real enough. 

‘No, you’re not dead,’ the Doctor says, sitting up and taking a big slurp of her drink. ‘This is the Plan B I mentioned earlier.’ Yaz wonders if there actually is any alcohol in the cocktail, and if the Doctor knows you’re meant to drink it slowly to avoid getting immediately sloshed and extremely drunk. 

‘Where am I?’ 

‘In my bed. Gave me a nasty fright when you starting screaming, better than any alarm clock.’

Yaz frowns and takes a sip of her drink, the combined taste of the tequila and the orange juice landing pleasantly on her tongue. 

‘How did we get here?’ Yaz asks. 

‘I couldn’t wake you up, or get you to stop screaming, so I popped into your head.’ The Doctor looks guilty as she says this and she does a guilty-face-scrunch. ‘Sorry, usually I’d ask first.’ 

‘We’re in my head?’

The Doctor spreads her arms wide. ‘Apparently this is somewhere you’d want to go to relax, I’m flattered really, we had a great time here.’

Yaz suddenly recognises the beach. After numerous dangerous shenanigans involving a giant shark, a pirate, and an oven, the Doctor had taken them here, to this beach, for some much needed R&R. They’d had a picnic and made a gigantic sandcastle. Yaz remembers laying back on the sand with the Doctor, hair wet and skin slightly pink as the sun set over the waves. She certainly doesn’t remember the Doctor wearing a bikini the last time they were here though.

The Doctor seems to read her mind as she winks knowingly at her. ‘We’re in your head…’ she tells her.  

Yaz flushes crimson and takes a big gulp of her drink, hoping that even imaginary alcohol will get her tipsy.

‘It won’t,’ the Doctor says, then she does the guilty-face-scrunch again. ‘Sorry, I can’t tell what you’re thinking and what you’re saying out loud. But it’s totally cool, I’m actually kind of digging the bikini, not worn one before, although there was that time with River… but I think I  _ was  _ drunk then, that whole day is kind of a blur.’

Yaz doesn’t really know what to say to that, so she tries to empty her mind and focus on the water.

The Doctor stands up and Yaz tries  _ really  _ hard to not stare at her legs or think anything inappropriate about how  _ damn good  _ she looks in a bikini. She came out to her parents at age 15 but her first relationship with a girl ended super badly and she hasn’t brought anyone, man or woman, home since.

‘You’ve brought me home?’ the Doctor says, confused, then she makes an exasperated noise. ‘Sorry, so sorry, everything’s a bit muddled up. Just tell me what you’re thinking out loud, it’ll be so much easier.’

‘What are we doing here?’ Yaz asks, standing up to join the Doctor in looking out at the water.

‘We’re waiting for your head to produce more CSF,’ the Doctor said, tapping the side of Yaz’s head to illustrate her point. ‘It’s taking longer than I thought it would, and a beach is way nicer than me just knocking you out. I mean, I have knocked you out, but in a nice way, hence the beach, and I’m here, which you seem to be happy about?’

Yaz flushes again and downs the rest of her drink.

‘Can we go for a swim?’ she asks.

The Doctor beams.

* * *

The sun setting is apparently how the Doctor knows that the the cerebral spinal fluid in Yaz’s brain is back to normal and Yaz isn’t at risk of any more headaches, but she knows that Yaz doesn’t want to wake up just yet so she magics up fish and chips and they sit on the beach eating them, both wet from their swim in the ocean with their hair full of sand and sea water. Yaz doesn’t think the Doctor has ever looked more beautiful.

Now it’s the Doctor’s turn to blush, and Yaz realises what she’s just thought, but she decides it’s best to not say anything. If the Doctor really is in her head then she already knows how Yaz feels. 

‘How are you conjuring up the food?’ Yaz asks instead. ‘It tastes just like the chippy from the end of my street.’

‘It is, probably,’ the Doctor replies. ‘The food, and the cocktails, are from your memory. The whole dream state thing…’ here she waves her arms around at the beach ‘... is a Time Lord trick though, so I probably wouldn’t be able to show you.’ 

This time it’s an apologetic face-scrunch that makes Yaz laugh. 

‘How are you doing that, by the way?’ she asks.

‘Time Lords are touch telepaths,’ the Doctor says. ‘I touch you, I can form a psychic link with you.’

Yaz suddenly feels warm and her hands drift unconsciously up to her face where she can almost feel soft hands pressing against either side of her head. 

‘Am I going to remember this when I wake up?’ Yaz asks.

The Doctor shrugs. ‘Difficult to say, it’s a dream state so you’ll probably remember bits and pieces, like you do from actual dreams. I’ll remember all of it though.’

Yaz looks sad and the Doctor nudges her gently with her arm. ‘Hey, it’s probably better that way, to be honest. You’re still having headaches right now, I’m just covering them up so you can’t feel them. If you remember this, then you’ll probably remember the pain too.’

The sun is setting low over the water now and it’s getting dark. 

‘Time to go,’ the Doctor says. ‘You’ll be okay now.’

The world around them starts to get hazy but before its gone completely Yaz steps forward, grabs the Doctor’s face in her hands and kisses her gently. 

The Doctor’s hands on her waist are the last thing she remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES I MADE IT A BIT THASMIN DON'T JUDGE ME


	16. en garde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is based on a Tumblr post from succu-barbie, link to original post below, who thinks it would be awesome to watch Yaz use her police training to beat the shit out of someone, much to the Doctor's annoyance. I just ran with it :) 
> 
> http://succu-barbie.tumblr.com/post/180113825151/so-with-yaz-working-in-police-shes-gotta-know

Yaz is pissed.

She just wants _one normal night_ with her friends, one night where they didn't have to fend off alien attackers, one night when they could just go and get dinner in 17th century France without the waiter turning into a giant squid, one night where they could sit and watch the sunrise on a brand new planet without an effing _dragon_ zipping across the sky and setting fire to the trees below. Ryan’s still got the scorch marks on his arms from that last escapade. The Doctor had been mortified but Ryan is secretly pleased. Scorch marks from a dragon? I mean _come on that was cool._

Right now they’re on a beach planet and had, up until that point, been having a lovely time sitting on the balcony overlooking the bay drinking something that tasted like, but apparently wasn’t, orange juice and helping themselves to the all-you-can-eat ice cream buffet.

And then the giant rat had appeared and it had all gone a bit badly wrong.

Of course it wasn’t  _ really  _ a rat. It had a rat’s head and paws but the body was vaguely humanoid looking and Yaz couldn’t see a tail poking out from anywhere, not that she really wanted to be close enough to look, if she’s being honest.

Apparently the rat is hired arms and its been tasked with ripping the necklace off the large fish lady currently hiding under the table with Yaz, Ryan and Graham. Apparently, the necklace is worth two million progs. Yaz isn’t sure how much a prog is, but judging by how badly the rat wants the necklace she can guess it’s probably a lot. 

Right now, the Doctor and some of the staff are having a standoff with the rat while the large fish lady anxiously flaps her webbed hands next to Yaz under the table and Ryan and Graham finish off their bowls of ice cream. It says a lot that they’ve become so accustomed to this kind of stuff happening at dinner that now they just bring the food with them. Yaz wishes she’d done the same. 

The large fish lady makes a frightened  _ blob  _ sound that gets the rat’s, and everyone else’s, attention. With one massive sweep of his arm he sends the Doctor, and various members of staff flying through the air. Yaz sees the Doctor hit the back of the bar hard, glass shattering everywhere. She doesn’t see her get back up again.

The rat strides over to the table they’re under and flings it off them. Ryan and Graham get caught up in it and in an awkward flurry of arms and legs they end up rolling backwards with the table and the large fish lady. 

This leaves Yaz in her kneeling position, completely unguarded, directly in front of the rat. Yaz sighs and straightens up to face her opponent. She wiggles her shoulders forwards and backwards to see how they feel and flexes her fingers. She did combat training for the police, she knows how to punch. She doubts the Doctor would approve, but she doesn’t seem to be moving and the large fish lady is making those anxious  _ blob  _ sounds again. 

‘Hi,’ Yaz says to the rat. ‘What’s your name?’

The rat snarls at her and raises an arm to smack her out the way. Yaz blocks it easily with her elbow and narrowly side steps out of the line of attack.

She hears Ryan mutter a quiet  _ woah  _ from behind her and hears the Doctor groaning from somewhere to her left and the sound of glass tinkling onto the floor.

‘Can you just leave, please?’ Yaz says, halfheartedly. She  _ really  _ doesn’t want to get into a brawl. 

The rat pulls his arm back to punch her again and Yaz ducks and uses her legs to trip him, sending him sprawling to the ground where he sits and stares at her in shock and confusion.

‘Yaz…’ she hears from behind her, it sounds like a quiet warning from Graham. Yaz catches the Doctor’s eye, she can see her friend now slowly getting up from behind the bar, leaning on it heavily. She looks dazed and a bit out of it and in no state to protect her friends. 

A sudden kick to the legs sends Yaz flying to the ground. She took her eye off her opponent. Idiot.

She gets up quickly, blokes a throwaway punch from the rat and elbows him directly in the side. 

‘Yaz, stop!’ she hears Graham say at the same time Ryan yells ‘kick him in the balls!’

Her training kicks it and she goes on the offensive, blocking and punching and trying to drive him back from the large fish lady and her friends. The rat gets in a few hits of his own that scramble her brain for a moment or two but she keeps pushing him back as he rains blows down on her, just trying to buy enough time for the Doctor to get back on her feet or for the rat to give up and leave. She spins on her heel and lands a powerful kick directly in its stomach. She hears Ryan cheer from behind her and even Graham yells ‘bravo!’

Speaking of the Doctor, Ryan has sprinted across the floor to help her up and Yaz can hear her voice yelling at her across the restaurant:

‘I DIDN'T SAY I LIKED PHYSICAL FIGHTS BETTER THAN GUNS OR KNIVES!’

‘Help me then!’ Yaz yells back. She’s starting to get tired now, she can feel the ache in her muscles and the hits the rat is landing are starting to hurt more now her adrenaline is wearing off. She trips and stumbles directly into the rat which was a massive mistake as he grabs her and flings her onto the ground. She feels something break and pain shoots up her leg.  

‘Yaz!’ she hears Ryan yell, then there’s the familiar sound of the sonic whirring and the rat drops to his knees hissing, paws pressed tightly over his ears.

The whirring stops and the Doctor is stood directly in between them, protecting Yaz and speaking angrily to the rat. Yaz tries to listen but she can’t hear what she’s saying. Her leg  _ burns  _ and she can feel the pain in her body now stronger than ever, her limbs throbbing and her skin tingling. She can almost feel the bruises forming and she grits her teeth, trying to breathe through the pain. Ryan and Graham are suddenly both at her side and she waves them away when they try and help her stand. 

There’s a sucking noise that comes out of nowhere and Yaz’s ears pop, then the Doctor is kneeling down in front of her, the rat gone, and is speaking urgently to her, she sounds far away though and the corners of Yaz’s vision are starting to go black.

The sonic whirrs again as the Doctor runs it over her leg and she gives Yaz an exasperated look that totally fits the expression  _ what am I going to do with you?  _ Yaz is impressed, she’s never seen it portrayed that accurately before. Then the pain shoots up again and Yaz gasps. She feels Ryan squeezing her arm and suddenly the Doctor is pressing her cool hands to either side of Yaz’s face. 

‘Go to sleep, Yaz,’ the Doctor says. 

And she does. 

* * *

When she wakes up she’s in bed. This is a welcoming change from the medi-room and her bed is a lot comfier. The pain is gone and Yaz’s leg is encased in a brace, resting on a pillow. Yaz wonders if the pillow was Graham’s idea, elevation of the injured body part seems to be his answer for everything.

‘Proud of yourself?’ comes a voice from her left, and Yaz moves her head to find the Doctor sat in the chair next to her bed looking beyond furious.

‘Doctor…’

‘Do not. Ever. Put yourself. In danger. Like that. Ever again.’ 

‘You were in trouble,’ Yaz says, trying to reach out to grab the Doctor’s hand, but she’s too far away. ‘The police trained me in self-defence,’ Yaz tells her, a hint of steel sneaking into her voice. If the Doctor wants to be cross with her, Yaz will be cross right back. ‘What’s the point in having that training if I don’t apply it when I need to? Ryan may be a good shot but I remember the playground fights and he can’t throw a punch. And as for Graham, I mean…’

The Doctor says nothing but Yaz can see her jaw working as she grinds on her teeth.

Yaz sighs. ‘I don’t want to fight you,’ she says quietly. ‘But I honestly don’t see what else I could have done.’

‘Let him take the necklace,’ the Doctor says, and he sounds more like she’s pleading with Yaz now. ‘Just let him take it. It’s not worth losing your life over.’ 

‘I didn't lose my life!’

‘But you could have done!  _ So  _ easily! He’s a Brothian, Yaz, his race knows no fear and fears no danger, he could have snapped you in half like a twig.’

‘He didn't.’ 

‘But he  _ could have done.  _ I mean come on! When I told you I might not always be able to keep you safe I didn't mean  _ from yourselves.’ _

‘I’m sorry, Doctor,’ Yaz says, quietly. ‘But to protect you and Ryan and Graham there is nothing I wouldn’t do.’

There’s a pause and the Doctor sighs and looks down at her lap, all anger gone now. 

‘Just promise me,’ she says, taking Yaz’s hand and meeting her gaze. ‘Promise me, that if that same situation comes up again, promise me you won’t do anything so reckless every again.’

‘I promise,’ Yaz says, squeezing the Doctor’s hand in hers.

‘Oh for… what is it with you humans and the bloody eyes… come here.’

The Doctor climbs onto the bed next to Yaz and tucks an arm across her shoulder. 

‘You don’t need to impress me, Yasmin,’ she says softly. ‘You don’t need to prove your worth to me, I know how much you’re worth already, okay?’

Yaz nods, not trusting herself to cry.

‘Just for the record,’ says Ryan from the doorway, where he’s blatantly been eavesdropping. ‘I thought you were  _ awesome.’ _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is catchonfirespontaneously if anyone's interested! :)


	17. i feel glorious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is loosely based on a prompt from LailaLiquorice who wanted the Doctor to get drunk because she doesn't know she's meant to drink cocktails slowly :) We have that in common.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, you've got options.
> 
> Option 1: I leave this chapter as a one-off.
> 
> Option 2: I write a sequel for this chapter that's extremely Thasmin orientated and maaaaaay have some naughty scenes in it.
> 
> Let me know in the comments!

Yaz is pretty sure the whole building hears the shriek she lets out in the shower that morning when the water hits her burnt skin.

The previous day’s adventure, hiking through the desert of Yanal on the planet of Osterim, had left Yaz’s skin pink and a tad sunburnt. While the actual day had been fantastic and a much needed respite from being chased by monsters, taking the precaution of wearing suncream hadn’t occurred to any of them. The Doctor and Graham were probably the worst off and were beginning to resemble lobsters by the time they made it back to the TARDIS. Ryan had laughed at all of them. He’d been wearing a thin jacket and a baseball cap and had only burnt a little on the tip of his nose. 

‘You okay, Yaz?’ the Doctor asks, popping her head round the bathroom door. Her whole face is covered in aftersun and Yaz can’t help but laugh at the trouser marks on her legs, the space in-between where her trousers ended and her socks began is burnt completely red. 

The Doctor sticks her tongue out at her and disappears off again, leaving Yaz to wash herself with difficulty as she navigates rinsing her thick hair with her sore arms, the skin on the top of her shoulders stretching painfully. 

Once out of the shower she covers her entire body in aftersun, rubbing the lotion into every area of skin she can reach and pulls on a light cotton dress and cardigan that doesn’t rub too painfully against her skin. The Doctor has been politely holding a cushion over her face from where she’s lying on Yaz’s bed while Yaz dresses, but she removes the pillow when Yaz sits down next to her and holds the bottle out in a silent request.

‘There’s a pool on Erlan we could go to,’ the Doctor muses as she rubs the cream gently into the spot on Yaz’s lower back where she can’t reach. ‘It has healing properties I think, or maybe giant moths.’ She frowns. ‘Which is the pool with the giant moths?’ 

‘What on earth are you wearing that for?’ her mum asks, catching sight of the two women through the door. ‘It’s December!’

‘Yeah, well, sore skin,’ Yaz explains. Their excuse that they’d been using sunbeds was thin and Yaz could tell her mum didn't really believe it, but with no other explanation as to how they could have gotten that burnt in December in Sheffield, of all places, her mum had had to accept it.

‘I hope you’ve learnt your lesson,’ she tells them.

‘Yes, Yaz’s mum,’ the Doctor says mournfully, and Naija shakes her head and continues through to the kitchen. 

‘Is it a hot pool or a cool pool?’ Yaz asks, taking the bottle of lotion from the Doctor’s hand and rubbing it into the back of her friend’s neck.

The Doctor  _ hmms  _ happily and she closes her eyes, making a happy-face-scrunch. ‘It’s a warm pool,’ she says. ‘Ooh  _ and  _ there’s a floating bar in it, if I’m thinking of the right one that doesn’t have the giant moths. Although the giant moths are still awesome.’ She frowns. ‘Maybe it has  _ both.’ _

‘I would like to go there,’ Yaz says. ‘Especially if it has healing properties. Existence is pain right now.’

* * *

Graham is on his third Margarita and the Doctor is already drunk. Yaz tried to explain to her that cocktails are supposed to be drunk  _ slowly  _ but she hadn’t listened and had gulped five of them down like the fruit juice she thought they were. Yaz herself has had about four and is starting to feel slightly sloshed.

They’re in a jungle, or a forest or something similar. What the Doctor described as a ‘pool’ is actually more like a resort, filled with aliens of all different species. There’s water slides and river rapids that the group had gone to earlier in the day, the Doctor and Ryan perhaps having the most amount of fun, running back up to join the queue at the bottom of the steps as soon as the ride had ended. They’d had burgers for lunch and Yaz had dragged the Doctor into the spa with her. Graham had discovered a steam room and he’d sat in there quite happily for a few hours while Ryan joined the two women for a face mask. 

Ryan, perhaps in solidarity or just for a laugh, had decided to match the number of drinks the Doctor had and now both of them were giggling in a corner of the pool. Yaz couldn’t quite catch their conversation but they’d been laughing at leafs a few minutes ago. 

It is the pool with the giant moths after all, but they stick to the trees above their heads and the floating bar really is pretty cool. A blue alien with what looks like an antenna on top of her head swims past Yaz and a moth circles overhead, the brilliant blue of its wings catching the setting sun.

There are lights around the pool and the water shimmers. The Doctor explained that this was due to the minerals in it, the ones which healed their burnt skin in a matter of hours. It may even have taken a few years off Graham by the looks of it. Steam rises from the surface of the water and there’s a salty smell in the air that reminds Yaz of holidays to the beaches in Cornwall.

‘Yaaaaaaz,’ the Doctor slurs at her. ‘Com’ere!’ 

Yaz carries the tray of their drinks back through the warm water to her little group. Graham’s face is no longer the ruddy tomato colour it was and the Doctor is floating in the water, legs breaching the surface of the pool. The angry burn on the bottom of her legs has gone and she has pink nail polish on her toenails that she insisted Yaz paint for her before they’d left. 

Ryan immediately reaches for another cocktail but Yaz pushes his hand away and gives him a glass of water instead. ‘Water first,’ she tells him sternly.

The Doctor laughs loudly. Her cheeks are pink and her eyes are bright, she’s completely wasted.

‘How’re you going to fly the TARDIS in that state?’ Graham asks. He’s trying to be the responsible adult but he’s getting a bit tipsy too and it doesn’t work so well.

‘Yaz won’t let me drink and drive,’ the Doctor tells him, as straight faced as she can manage. Ryan laughs so hard he sprays water over all of them. 

Yaz tucks herself under the Doctor’s arm and rests her head happily against her shoulder. It’s been an amazing day, one that was well deserved, and the scorn of her mother only that morning seems far away. Sonya had made comments over breakfast about how close Yaz was with the Doctor and how they should just get married already. This had confused the Doctor to no end who’d looked to Yaz for answers, who in turn had looked down into her bowl of cereal cursing her parents for having another child after her. 

‘You two need to get a roooom,’ Ryan tells them, and giggles as though he’s said something hilarious.

‘Why?’ the Doctor asks, blanky.

Sometimes she’s so innocent Yaz can’t stand it. 

‘How many planets are there like this?’ Graham asks. ‘Planets with resorts I mean.’

‘Hundreds!’ the Doctor says happily. ‘For every planet with a Zygon or a Dalek there’s at least  _ five  _ with a beach resort. Best business in the universe!’

‘Capitalism is alive and well in space then?’ Graham asks.

‘To capitalism!’ the Doctor yells, raising her cocktail glass high into the air and drinking half of it in one go. She almost has the whole thing but Yaz manages to wrestle it out her hands. She also doesn’t think the Doctor really understands what capitalism actually is. 

‘This was an epic idea, Doc,’ Graham tells her. ‘Pools that heal sunburn? Genius.’

The Doctor looks guilty. ‘I am part… parc.. parti, a bit responsible for the sunburn yesterday. Didn't occur to me you might burn.’

‘You went a raspberry colour,’ Ryan said, laughing.

The Doctor giggles and buries her face in Yaz’s hair. She’s warm and smells like fruit juice and alcohol and Yaz reaaaally wishes it was just the two of them in the pool right now, especially when she’s pressing her soft body up against Yaz’s side and she can feel the gentle beat of her hearts through the one-piece she’s wearing. 

A moth the size of a dining table flies over Ryan’s head and he shrieks, ducking down into the water and batting at it, like that will make a blind bit of difference. 

The Doctor, Yaz and Graham peel off into hysterics and Ryan tries to drink his cocktail with as much dignity as he could muster. Yaz feels a warm rush go through her as the Doctor tucks an arm around her waist in the water. Yaz knows she’s doing it platonically and doesn’t mean anything by it, but Yaz really wishes her body didn't light up immediately in response. She tries not to think about how soft the Doctor’s lips would feel under hers, how soft her hair would be, how slim her fingers....

‘You okay, Yaz?’ the Doctor asks. ‘Your heart rate has increased.’

Damn her very good hearing. 

Ryan starts giggling again and Yaz takes a big gulp of her drink, hoping the blush on her face can be attributed to the warmth of the water rather than her increase in heart rhythm.

‘Ooh shall we stay in a treehouse this evening?’ the Doctor says excitedly, her face lighting up. ‘They have treehouses here! Don’t worry they have big nets to keep the moths out.’

She’s already swimming away to speak to one of the members of staff and Yaz tries  _ really  _ hard to not stare at the gentle curve of her back or the swish of her hair in the water.

‘Oh my god just make out already!’ Ryan yells.

‘Shuttup,’ Yaz responds, blushing into her drink.

‘Look, look it, Yazface, Yaaaaasmin,’ Ryan is probably drunker than the Doctor at this point and Yaz can feel herself going the same way. She’s not sure what, exactly, is in the cocktail she’s drinking but it’s certainly stronger than anything she’s used to on Earth.

‘You like her, she likes you, just make out or kiss or something, promise I won’t watch.’ He winks at her and Yaz considers just ducking under the water and staying there.

‘What are we talking about?’ Graham asks. He’s been staring up at moths circling the canopy above them and fortunately missed the entire conversation.

‘Treehouse!’ the Doctor yells excitedly as she makes her way back to them. Her cheeks are red, wet hair swinging from side to and  _ oh god her wet costume is leaving nothing to the imagination. _

Yaz slides further under the water and slurps her drink.

‘Ooh that sounds awesome!’ Graham says, happily. ‘Not stayed in a treehouse for years.’

Ryan and Graham swim off to get more drinks, although Yaz is pretty sure they’ve all had enough by this point and the Doctor slides under the water with her and nudges her shoulder.

‘You all right?’ she asks. ‘You’ve gone all quiet, and also pink. Very pink. Are humans supposed to go pink?’

‘I’m fine, really,’ Yaz says, smiling up at her friend and trying  _ so hard  _ to not stare at her lips. ‘I’m having an amazing time. This was a wonderful idea.’

The Doctor grins happily. ‘That’s good,’ she says. ‘I don’t want you lot to think the universe is just full of scary things, most of it is beautiful.’

‘Like you,’ Yaz says, then freezes. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Oh god, why had she said that out loud?

‘Aw thanks,’ the Doctor replies. ‘You’re beautiful too.’

Then she pauses for a moment, head cocked to one side as though she’s listening to something and suddenly her head is pressed against Yaz’s chest and her hand snakes under the water to find her wrist.

‘Are you having a heart attack?’

 

 


	18. i feel glorious II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you want to know how many people went for option 2?
> 
> ALL OF YOU. 
> 
> I wrote this on my phone so any typos are entirely my own, hopefully they won't ruin the mood. 
> 
> This is for you, I hope you enjoy <3

Yaz doesn’t think she’s breathing. The Doctor is fully pressed against her front, hands toying with the waistband of her bikini bottoms, face nuzzling the side of her neck. Yaz can feel her hearts beating like drums against her chest and she smells  _ so good.  _

If you asked her how she got in this situation, she probably couldn't tell you. Graham and Ryan went to bed an hour earlier and the two women had stayed in the pool laughing and chatting and drinking, together. And one point they'd just moved closer to each other and before she'd lost her nerve Yaz had kissed the Doctor and the Doctor had kissed back and suddenly they were moving into the shadows of the pool and had started full on making out with each other in the warm water. Any inhibitions about what a bad idea this was had gone flying out the window and Yaz was giving herself over to the feel of the Doctor's mouth on hers and her hands on her hips and the soft press of their bodies against each other. 

Yaz's head is swimming. She knows they’re both drunk and they probably wouldn’t be doing this if they weren’t but it feels so good it can’t be wrong, surely? The pool is emptying and it’s just the two of them pressed into their little corner, out of sight of everyone else. The sky is dark and, aside from the moth’s luminescent wings catching the star light, the pool is only illuminated by the lanterns hanging from the trees around them. 

‘What are you thinking about?’ the Doctor whispers against her skin. 

Honestly? Yaz is thinking about peeling the costume off her friend’s body and going to town on her, but she decides not to say this out loud.

‘I’m thinking about how drunk we are right now,’ Yaz says. It’s the truth, more or less.

‘Hmm.’ 

The Doctor moves her hands slowly up Yaz’s body and stops just below her breasts. She pulls away from Yaz’s neck and focuses on her face. Her eyes are heavy lidded and her pupils are huge but she seems pretty with it. 

‘Do you want to stop?’

Yaz shakes her head. She knows she should, she knows there’s no going back from this but she just can’t bring herself to say no. She’s wanted this for so long now and she’s certain both of them are sober enough to consent. Would it be so wrong?

The Doctor is stroking her hair gently with one hand, the other gliding down to rest on her hip. She’s warm and safe and  _ right there,  _ wanting Yaz, wanting this moment together. Her face is open and there’s a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, she’s completely irresistible. 

Yaz kisses her gently, one hand threading into her hair and pulling her face against hers. It’s easy to forget that the Doctor is thousands of years older than her in this moment. Right now she’s just a woman making out with another woman on an alien planet light-years from Earth. She feels like a schoolgirl with a crush and she thinks the Doctor probably feels the same. 

She feels the Doctor’s fingers slipping below the waistband of her bikini bottoms and her breath catches, the Doctor’s lips still pressed against hers, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. 

Yaz brings her hands to rest gently on the Doctor’s breasts, catching her nipples over the thin fabric of her costume. The hand in her bikini moves lower and Yaz gasps and drops her head onto the Doctor’s shoulder, biting softly at the exposed skin. 

‘Are you sure no-one can see us?’ Yaz whispers.

‘We’re completely alone,’ the Doctor replies, fingers brushing lightly over her clit, making Yaz shiver.

She tugs at the Doctor’s costume, sliding it down over her shoulders and tugging it off her body. The Doctor reciprocates, untying the back of Yaz’s bikini top and tugging her bottoms down. Both naked, with bare backs and chest exposed to the open air, they slide down further into the water. 

The Doctor moves her mouth to Yaz’s breasts and tugs gently at her nipples with her teeth. Yaz feels as though she’s on fire, all heat and warmth and the Doctor’s soft, wet mouth tugging at her. Her head swims and her vision blurs and she grips the Doctor’s shoulders, pressing her tightly against her. 

The Doctor’s thigh comes in between Yaz’s legs and she grinds down on it, desperate for friction or anything to relieve the pressure building between her legs. The Doctor’s fingers move back down to her centre and Yaz groans loudly when a slender finger slips inside her, head dropping back, mouth open and eyes squeezed tightly shut. The Doctor moves her mouth to her neck and places sloppy kisses there while her fingers work, thrusting gently in and out while her thumb brushes over the swollen nub of Yaz’s clit. 

It feels incredible, like nothing Yaz has ever experienced by herself or with a boy. Their breasts are pushing against each other and in the quiet night air, with the moon shining brightly overhead and the steam rising off the water, Yaz feels as though this can’t possibly be real, that she’ll wake up and she’ll be asleep in her own bed with her own fingers between her legs. 

She comes quietly, hips bucking against the Doctor’s hand, gasping into her shoulder, hands clutching at her waist. It’s the most intense climax she’s ever felt and her head is swimming, knees weak and buckling beneath her. She wants to return the favour but she can barely stand upright anymore.

The Doctor is nuzzling at her neck, her blond hair tickling Yaz’s chin and Yaz moves her hands up from her waist to her breasts, rubbing her nipples gently with her thumb.

‘Treehouse?’ she whispers into the Doctor’s neck.

* * *

They move quietly through the woods, water dripping off their naked bodies, wet swimming costumes clutched in their hands. There's no-one around but Yaz is sure that if she were sober she wouldn't even consider running around in her birthday suit.

There’s a ladder to get into the treehouse and they drunkenly clamber up it, grateful that they're not sharing it with the men. 

Yaz pushes the Doctor up against the wall as soon as they're inside, pushing her tongue into her mouth and gripping her hips tightly. The Doctor hums happily and wraps both hands in Yaz's hair, bucking her hips gently against Yaz's in a need for more pressure. 

The bed is in the corner of the room and Yaz grips the Doctor's shoulders tightly as she steers her towards it, pushing her back onto the mattress. The Doctor props herself onto her elbows, pupils so large her eyes look black, regarding Yaz with a smirk on her face, blond hair wavy and cheeks pink. 

Yaz settles herself between the Doctor's legs on the floor and plants slow kisses up her legs. The Doctor drops back and squirms adorably, one hand lazily reaching down to tangle in Yaz's hair. When Yaz reaches the soft tangle of hair between the Doctor’s legs she gasps and Yaz feels her jump beneath her. 

‘You okay?’ Yaz asks, lifting her head.

‘Uh-huh,’ she replies, positively squirming as Yaz trails a finger lazily through her folds.

‘You’ve not done this before, have you?’ Yaz asks, finding the small pink nub and pressing on it lightly. She’s glad that, despite their altered alien physiology, all of the important bits are in the same place. 

The Doctor positively mewls and Yaz pulls herself up off the floor, the Doctor wriggling up the bed to accommodate her as Yaz moves back into her earlier position between the blond’s legs and gently nuzzles the Doctor’s clit with the tip of her nose, licking her gently. 

‘Tell me if you want me to stop,’ Yaz says, sliding her fingers gently downwards while the Doctor squirms and wriggles beneath her.

The Doctor is impossibly easy to please. Every touch with her fingers and tongue sends her gasping, panting back against the mattress and making such incredible noises that Yaz can feel herself getting wet again. Her fingers are tangled tightly in Yaz's hair and her hips are bucking wildly against her mouth. She's falling to pieces under Yaz's touch and it's the hottest thing she's ever seen. 

When she comes it's loud and Yaz  _ really  _ hopes Graham and Ryan are asleep in the treehouse next to them. 

Yaz crawls up the bed to lie next to the Doctor who's panting, eyes closed and arms stretched up over her head. She kisses her lazily and pulls a blanket over them, burrowing against the Doctor's side. 

In the dark, curled against each other planting sloppy kisses on each other's mouths, Yaz is starting to remember just how drunk both of them are. She feels as though she's underwater and the Doctor is starting to fall asleep, she can feel her head lolling on her shoulder and she's pretty sure she's drooling. 

* * *

Yaz wakes up with a headache directly behind her eyes. Sunlight is streaming in through the window of the treehouse and Yaz's head feels fuzzy. There's something warm pressed up against her and what feels like an arm flung across her waist. She can hear snoring directly in her ear and it takes Yaz a while to remember  _ why _ , exactly, someone is in bed with her.

‘Oh crap,’ she whispers quietly. 

The snoring stops and the Doctor groans and moves behind her. Then there's quiet.

‘Um… Yaz?’

‘Yes?’

There's silence for a moment, then the arm is gone from her waist as the Doctor rolls onto her back. She feels the blanket move, as though the Doctor is looking beneath it, then it settles back over them again and the silence continues. 

Yaz feels a tear fall down her face. She knew the morning would be awkward, but she didn't know she'd feel like this. Did the Doctor regret it? Did she even remember what they'd done together? She feels sick and she tries not sob, screwing her eyes tightly shut and concentrating on keeping her breathing even.  _ Conceal, don't feel.  _ She knows it's a Frozen quote but she doesn't care, it fits the situation. She feels ashamed and embarrassed and she wishes she could snap her fingers and disappear. 

Just when Yaz feels as though her heart is going to beat out of her chest, she hears the Doctor sigh and the arm is back over her, tugging her close against her body. 

‘I regret nothing,’ the blond whispers in her ear.

Yaz rolls over to face her and wraps her arms tightly around her, burying her head in her chest, relief flooding through her. 

They cuddle for a few minutes and just before Yaz goes back to sleep she hears the Doctor freeze, then she says: 

‘I remember being loud, do you think Graham and Ryan heard?’

  
  
  
  
  


 


	19. they don't make you who you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz gets possessed cause I'm feeling mean today. I wanted to write the Doctor a bit more puppy-like too.
> 
> NOT a follow up to 'I feel glorious.' I guess you could argue that this is set before? Aside from those two I'm kind of just doing these in no particular order and they don't necessarily have to follow on from the previous chapters. 
> 
> Also HOW GOOD was Kablam!

‘Aaaaaaaah!’ Graham yells as the TARDIS lurches through the time vortex and smashes back into normal space, plummeting to the ground below.

‘No you mean weeeeeeeeee!’ the Doctor corrects him as she grabs hold of the brake and pulls for all she’s worth.

‘WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING,’ Ryan complains, clinging to the TARDIS console as tight as he can while Yaz grips one of the crystal columns.

‘Almost there! Hold on!’

The TARDIS lands with a  _ thump  _ that knocks them all over and immediately klaxons start blaring loudly throughout the ship and a gas begins to seep from underneath the console.

‘Uh-oh, everyone out!’ the Doctor yells, grabbing her coat and herding them all out of the ship where she slams the doors shut behind her and makes sure they’re secured. 

Outside it’s dusk and the sun is setting. There’s an old inn in front of them and the TARDIS appears to have landed on a grassy lawn. Graham can see burnt grass peeking out from underneath the ship and he hopes they’re away before anyone notices.

‘What’s gone wrong now?’ Ryan asks.

‘Oi! Less of the lip thank you,’ the Doctor replies. ‘Radiation leak in the console, threw us out of the time vortex and brought us here, kind of like an emergency landing in an aeroplane. Just be grateful we’re on Earth.’

‘How long are you going to be stuck here for?’ Ryan asks.

‘Overnight probably, the TARDIS can repair herself but she’s sealed the doors. Probably so I can’t get in there and give it a go.’ The Doctor pouts at her ship and there’s a slight  _ bonging  _ sound from inside. 

‘Well, we’re going to be here for a bit,’ the Doctor says. ‘May as well get a pint!’

She turns to Ryan. ‘Is that a thing people say? I heard someone say it once but I’m not actually sure what it means, is it a cool thing to say?’

Ryan wriggles his hand in a  _ could go both ways  _ gesture and the Doctor shrugs and strides off towards the inn, leaving her companions to catch up with her.

* * *

It’s warm inside and there’s a fire blazing heartily away, filling the room with the smell of burning wood. There’s an old collie dog lying in front of the fire and it looks up and regards them when they walk in before going back to sleep again.

‘Where are we?’ Ryan asks.

‘England, sometime in the 1600’s, I wanna say Bristol?’

The Doctor sniffs the air. 

‘Yeah, just outside of Bristol.’ 

‘Can I help you?’ a voice comes from behind the bar. There’s a woman stood there polishing a pint glass with a dirty rag. As a result the glass is getting dirtier and dirtier and Ryan suspects it would be cleaner if she just left it to drip dry.

‘Hi!’ the Doctor says, cheerily. ‘Do you have any spare rooms? Our ship, I mean car, I mean…’ she turns to Graham. ‘What do I mean?’

‘Horse!’ Graham says. ‘Our horse broke.’

Ryan facepalms behind him.

Fortunately, the woman doesn’t seem to care and she takes a key down from a hook behind the bar and flings it at the Doctor, who catches it easily left-handed. 

‘Room 24, left at the top of the stairs and down the hall. It’s the only one we have left so I hope you don’t mind sharing. Breakfast at 7am, checkout before 10.’

Even if they did mind sharing she doesn’t give them a chance to object, as she turns and walks off.

* * *

‘Ooh this is cosy, do you think it’s haunted? I hope so,’ the Doctor says as she makes a beeline for the window, peering outside where the TARDIS sits on the lawn. She seems pleased with this and pulls the curtains shut, tugging her coat off and throwing it over an armchair in the corner of the room.

‘Dibs on this one,’ Ryan says, flopping down onto a single bed and stretching out with a contented sigh.

There’s only one more single bed and a double bed remaining, and Graham seems hesitant to suggest where they should sleep.

‘The Doctor and I will take the double, you have the other single,’ Yaz tells Graham, putting him out his misery.

‘Ooh we sharing?’

The Doctor seems delighted by everything in the room and she copies Ryan, flopping down onto the double bed and stretching her limbs out across it happily. 

‘It’s a bit chilly in here,’ Graham says, digging a pile of blankets out from the cupboard and passing them around. ‘Pity the TARDIS couldn’t break down somewhere when radiators had been invented, Doc!’

‘Hang on, I’ve got a lighter on me somewhere.’

She hops off the bed and crouches down in front of the small fireplace in the room. A few seconds later there’s a fizz, the smell of burning wood, and the fire roars to life. 

‘That’s better,’ Graham says, sitting down in front of it and warming his hands.

Yaz has already got under the sheets and is carefully arranging the blanket over herself. 

‘Just so you know if anyone snores, I’m throwing a pillow at you,’ she warns them.

* * *

Graham seems miffed about the lack of toothpaste in this century, but Ryan hands him a half-empty packet of chewing gum which placates him somewhat.

‘What time can we leave in the morning, Doc?’ he asks.

‘First thing,’ she replies, sitting up in bed with the blanket tucked over her knees and a book in her hands. Yaz is asleep next to her. She started off on the other side of the bed but has been very slowly curling more and more into the Doctor and is practically flush against her side at this point.

‘The TARDIS should be fully repaired by morning then we can leave, I’m thinking pancakes on IHOP 7 for breakfast?’

‘IHOP is an American thing, isn’t it?’ Ryan asks, confused.

‘It went to space sometime in the 24th century and now owns 15 different chains throughout the Cerebro galaxy. Each one is the size of a small planet. They do hotel bookings now too, and they foster-to-adopt pets. Great business model really.’

‘Sounds great, do they still have waffles?’ Graham asks, getting himself comfortable under the sheets.

‘In 57 different flavours.’

‘57?! No, you know what, I’ll find out for myself tomorrow.’ 

* * *

Four galaxies away, the S’hakar peer into their crystals and speak to each other in low clicking sounds. One of them taps at the screen where an image of Yaz is displayed,  sleeping soundly. The other clicks and manipulates the crystal until the TARDIS is on the screen, smoking slightly in the grass. The S’hakar’s beady black eyes rolls back in its head as it concentrates.

* * *

Yaz sits up in bed.

The room is dark and still, only the soft breathing of her friends break the quiet. There’s no light in the room but Yaz can see perfectly, everything tinged in the strange greeny-black light associated with night-vision lenses.

The Doctor has fallen asleep tucked on her side under the blanket, lying away from Yaz. Graham is snoring softly and Ryan has spread-eagled across the tiny single bed he’s on. He’s too tall for the bed and his feet are hanging off the end. If Yaz was in possession of her own mind in that moment she would probably have laughed. 

Yaz swings her legs over the side of the bed and stands up slowly. The Doctor’s coat is still where it was flung over the chair last night and Yaz makes fast work of the pockets, pulling out the TARDIS key and holding it tightly in her palm. It’s warm and it seems to almost glow golden in the dark room. The fire and candles have long since burned out and the key is the only source of light in the room now. 

The voice in her head stirs again and she pads across the wooden floor, avoiding the squeaky floorboards until she’s at the door.

She looks down at the Doctor, blond hair fanned out across the pillow, face barely visible under the blanket. She’s frowning and Yaz wonders if she’s about to wake up, but then she sighs, her face relaxes, and she rolls onto her other side, reaching out into the space where Yaz used to be. The book she was reading slides off the bed but Yaz manages to catch it before it lands with a thud on the floor. 

Yaz slips through the door and heads down the stairs. 

* * *

It’s cold outside and Yaz is barefoot, the grass wet against her feet. She doesn’t notice though, and walks in a trance to the familiar blue box parked ethereally on the lawn, the bright lights the only illumination in the dark. The TARDIS key glows warm in her hand and the door clicks open before Yaz even puts it in the lock.

It’s warm inside and the lights are down low, the only sound coming from the console as it hums softly. Yaz steps towards it and reaches out, the instructions already in her mind, the coordinates ready to be primed and entered in. 

The TARDIS makes a screeching sound as soon as Yaz puts her hand on the lever and she recoils, pressing her hands against her head. The TARDIS sounds as though it’s in pain and Yaz can feel her mind becoming clearer, the fog lifting. She’s able to take stock of her surroundings and realises where she is, the TARDIS she was told to not going back into until the morning.

The fog pushes back down again and Yaz cries out, dropping to her knees, hands trying to find purchase on the floor. There’s a siren going off inside her head and she curls into a ball, hands against her head trying desperately hard to block out the sound.

Then the Doctor is leaning over her and everything goes dark. 

* * *

Everything is bright and blurry and confused. Yaz opens her eyes slowly and experimentally moves her fingers to try and determine where she is. There’s something soft under her fingertips and she can hear words start to come into focus.

‘Yaz?’

When she opens her eyes she sees the Doctor peering over her, head way too close to hers, she can see herself reflected back in her friend’s green eyes and her initial reaction is to shuffle out the way.

The Doctor must sense this as she grips Yaz’s wrist. 

‘Sorry Yaz, almost done, just looking.’

‘Are they still there?’ Ryan asked. 

The Doctor shakes her head and pulls away from her and Yaz is able to breath again. 

‘No, gone,’

‘Thank god for that, you freaked me right out, Yaz,’ Graham tells her.

They’re back in the inn room and the fire and candles have been relit. Yaz is tucked back in the bed with everyone else’s blankets piled on top of her and her friends are all perched on various positions on the bed. 

‘What’s going on?’ Yaz asks, trying to sit up but being gently pushed back down again by the Doctor.

‘You got possessed,’ Ryan tells her. ‘Your eyes were black and everything, it was well creepy.’ 

Yaz looks confused and the Doctor frowns and gently places her fingers at her friend’s temple. Yaz feels her  _ inside her head  _ but it doesn’t hurt and she feels calmer immediately. 

‘You don’t remember,’ the Doctor says, a confused-scrunch on her face. 

‘What did I do?’ Yaz asks, worried.

‘Got up, took the TARDIS key, went outside and tried to fly off,’ Ryan tells her, and Yaz feels a sinking feeling in her stomach.

‘I went into the TARDIS? What about the radiation leak?’

‘It’s fine,’ the Doctor tells her reassuringly. ‘The TARDIS isolated the area you were in, I think she knew something was wrong cause then she woke me up.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Yaz said quietly, but her friends start to protest immediately.

‘Oh don’t be so daft.’

‘Like it was your fault.’

‘Seriously?’

Yaz sits up and brings her knees up to her chest, suddenly wishing the ground would open her open and swallow her whole, or an interdimensional portal would open and suck her through it, hell she’d even have a go on the vortex manipulator at this point. 

‘Are they going to come back?’ Graham asks, as the Doctor senses Yaz’s distress and places a comforting hand on her back.

She shakes her head. ‘No, they’ve been blocked out. They’re telepaths but they’re not as powerful as a TARDIS. I don’t think they’re going to try and get inside it again.’

‘Who were they?’ Ryan asks.

‘S’hakar, I think. Difficult to see when you’re only looking at a reflection behind the eyes but I’m pretty sure I spotted their third eye. Intergalactic scavengers. They find things of value and steal it but don’t do the dirty work themselves. They find a victim to do it for them and they take over their minds.’ 

‘How did you get them out?’ Graham asks.

‘I got in Yaz’s head and frightened them off, like this:’ she bares her teeth at them but it isn’t frightening at all and Graham gets the feeling she’s just trying to lighten the atmosphere.

‘What were they after?’ Ryan asks. 

‘I know I joke about her being a bit old and knackered but the TARDIS is actually  _ extremely  _ valuable,’ the Doctor tells him. ‘One of the last remnants of Gallifrey, built by the Time Lords and grown over thousands of years. Capable of travelling through time and space and places other ships can’t go. Can travel through a multidimensional time vortex without - sorry, forgot about that time where we ended up in Rome -  _ sometimes  _ without breaking apart or being flung out by the time winds. Type 40, beautiful blue and creator of incredible custard creams.’

‘Sometimes I think the two of you are a little bit married,’ Graham tells her.

‘That’s what Rose and Sarah Jane were always joking about,’ the Doctor remarked, but her eyes were far away.

Suddenly, they snapped back to Yaz. ‘Doesn’t matter, most important thing is - you alright?’ 

‘Am I?’ Yaz asked her. ‘I’m not really sure, I feel a bit wobbly.’

‘Residual brain fog from the mind control. Well, not really. Just trying to make it easier for you to understand. It’s fine though, it’ll wear off.’ 

‘Can I go back to sleep?’ Yaz asks, suddenly feeling exhausted.

‘Yes! Sorry. Right you lot, back to bed,’ the Doctor tells them, and Ryan gives Yaz’s shoulder a squeeze and clambers back into his tiny single bed.

The Doctor clambers under the covers with Yaz and tucks the blankets over her as she settles back down again. 

‘Am I going to get possessed and start walking off again?’ Yaz asks.

‘Nah,’ the Doctor replies, picking up her book.

‘But what happens if I do?’ she asks.

The Doctor puts the book down again.

‘Then I’ll do this.’

And she wraps her limbs around Yaz’s like an octopus until Yaz is giggling helplessly.

‘You guys are disasters,’ Ryan says from his bed while Graham chuckles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disaster gays, amirite? 
> 
> Leave a comment if you enjoyed it! :D


	20. can't pack up a u-haul and take it with you when you're gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted Yaz's family to find out what she really does all day but for some reason I also wanted River to be there? I dunno, this is what happened.

Najia and Hakim woke up in the night to a ferocious banging on the door that echoed through their flat. The alarm clock on the bedside table flashed 3am at them and Najia muttered crossly under her breath as Hakim groaned and got out of bed to answer it. It was a Friday night and this wasn’t the first time they’d been woken by knocking at the door in the middle of the night. Their neighbours had a son who, while being in his 20’s, was stuck in his teenager years and would regularly go out and get drunk with his mates, forgetting his keys and banging on their door when he forgot where he lived.

‘Um…’ Hakim’s voice sounded from the corridor. Najia came out to join him and she felt a chill in her bones when she saw Sonya peering out from her bedroom door.

‘It’s not me,’ Sonya said quietly. ‘Yaz?’

‘She’s in bed,’ Najia murmured, but even before she pushed open the door of her eldest daughter’s bedroom she knew what she’d find. The bed was empty.

‘Where did she go?’ Hakim said. ‘It’s the middle of the night!’

‘Hello? Is anyone in?’ came a voice from behind the front door. It was a women, and not someone they recognised.

Hakim opened the door cautiously, leaving it on the latch as he peered around it.

‘Can I help you?’ he asked.

‘Yes! One of you is displaying traces of artron energy, I need to know who it is,’ the woman said.

‘I’m sorry, what…?’

But the door was flung open and the women made her way inside. She was tall and curvaceous and had a shock of thick curly hair that sprang around her head. She was holding a device that was beeping and flashing in her hands and she surveyed the room, holding the device out in front of her.

‘Gosh, it’s dark in here, where’s the light switch?’

She flicked it on and Najia blinked in the harsh light. ‘Who are you?’ she demanded, suddenly very cross that she was being woken up in the middle of the night by a strange woman with a beeping box.

‘I’m River,’ the woman said, moving through the room as she scanned it. ‘Sorry about all this, won’t take a moment. I’m looking for the TARDIS you see but I was sent here instead, don’t suppose you’ve seen a giant blue box anywhere?’

Hakim frowned. ‘I think I have actually,’ he said. ‘Sure I have. Couldn’t tell you where though.’

‘That’s the perception filter,’ River said, pushing past the three of them and making her way to the bedrooms. ‘Doesn’t make it invisible, just hard to notice. I keep telling him to fix the Chameleon Circuit, one day maybe he actually will.’

‘Who’s “he”?’ Sonya asked.

‘The Doctor, obviously,’ River replied, frowning. ‘Ah! Artron energy is coming from in here.’

‘She’s not a man, though,’ Sonya said, but no-one heard her.

River stepped inside Yaz’s bedroom.

‘Hey! You can’t go in there!’ Najia protested. ‘That’s my daughter’s room!’

‘Where is she? Your daughter?’ River asked, lifting up Yaz’s jacket and holding the scanner over it. The device went mad and started flashing and beeping and whirring and generally making a right din.

‘Well…’ Najia trailed off.

‘You don’t know, do you? Thought she was in here?’

‘She said goodnight, she went to bed when we did. Where is she?’ Najia asked, a worried feeling settling in the pit of her stomach.

‘Don’t worry, she’s probably safe. Probably with the Doctor. He always did have a way with the ladies,’ River replied, turning the device off.

‘Why do you keep calling the Doctor a “he”?’ Sonya asked.

‘I need you to think really hard about where you saw that blue box,’ River said to Hakim. ‘It’s important, your daughter is probably inside it and I need to get inside it as well. So think, _really_ hard, where did you see the blue box?’

‘It’s on the corner on the street,’ Sonya said, tired of being ignored. ‘I can see it from my bedroom window. And why do you keep calling the Doctor a “he”? Cause last time I saw her she was definitely a woman.’

There was a pause, then a wicked grin made its way across River’s face.

‘This might actually be the best day of my life.’

* * *

Yaz hadn’t been able to sleep. Travelling around in a time machine really threw off your time zones somewhat, it was a little like having permanent jet lag and she’d given up around 2am and had snuck out of the flat to find the Doctor. They were currently sat around the little breakfast bar in the TARDIS kitchen having hot chocolates which the Doctor had insisted on piling high with marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles. Normally, Yaz wouldn’t be interested in eating or drinking anything so sugary at 3 in the morning, but the Doctor had been so enthusiastic and happy to see her and they smelled _so good._

‘Why are you awake?’ Yaz asked her, dripping a spoon into her drink to scope up some of the whipped cream on top.

‘Don’t sleep as much as you lot do, don’t need to,’  the Doctor said with a shrug. ‘Sleep is boring, so many other things to do.’

Yaz frowned. ‘So what do you do when we’re asleep?’ she asked. ‘Wait for us to wake up?’

‘Pretty much,’ the Doctor answered. ‘Usually I fix stuff in the console room, or go for a swim, or see how things I can juggle at once.’

‘How many?’

‘15,’ the Doctor said, proudly. ‘I would probably have managed another few things but then Graham walked in and threw me off my game.’

Yaz laughed. The number of human phrases that the Doctor had picked up from Ryan was getting ridiculous now. Only the other day when defusing a bomb the Doctor had picked it up and thrown it out the window, yelling _‘Yeet!’_

‘Where are we going today?’ Yaz asked excitedly, taking another slurp of her drink.

‘What are you in the mood for?’ the Doctor asked. ‘I think it’s your turn to pick. Do you fancy relaxation, mild-to-moderate threat, or aimless wandering?’

‘Aimless wandering, always,’ Yaz said. ‘Like hiking through the high-altitude tropics of the Procust rainforest, that was amazing.’

‘Aimless wandering it is,’ the Doctor agreed with a grin, downing the rest of her drink and holding it up in a mock salute. ‘Ryan is going to love that.’

Yaz laughed, it was no secret that Ryan hated walking.

‘My god aren’t you gorgeous,’ came a voice from the doorway.

The mug slid out of the Doctor’s hand and smashed on the floor.

* * *

‘Why on earth would Yaz be in there?’ Hakim protested as River stroke purposefully towards the TARDIS.

‘Wait, did you say she’s in there _with the Doctor?’_ Najia yelled. ‘She better bloody not be!’

‘You really don’t have to come with me,’ River said. ‘You can still walk away from all this, it might be better.’

‘Better than the opportunity to embarrass my sister?’ Sonya asked, phone already held out ready to catch Yaz and the Doctor doing… whatever it was they were doing in there.

‘Suit yourself,’ River said with a shrug. She unlocked the doors and stepped inside.

The console room was quiet and warm. The TARDIS hummed brightly when River walked in and she gazed around at the new decor.

‘Well look at you,’ she said, marvelling at the new crystal columns and blue screens around the room. ‘Haven’t you tarted yourself up.’

‘What. The. Actual. Hell.’

River turned around and smiled broadly at Yaz’s family. They’d stepped into the console room and were staring wide-eyed at the lights, the walls, the central column in the middle of the room.

‘Is this an alien spaceship?’ Sonya asked.

‘Yes, it is,’ River replied. ‘This is the Doctor’s ship, the TARDIS. The best and most brilliant ship in all the universe.’

The TARDIS flashed her lights in acknowledgement of the compliment.

‘The Doctor’s an alien…’ Najia said, shocked. ‘That explains _so much.’_

‘And how does Yaz know her?’ Hakim asked.

‘I couldn’t tell you,’ River replied. ‘You’ll have to ask Yaz. The Doctor does have a habit of picking up strays. I think the TARDIS actually encourages it sometimes.’

‘And how do _you_ know her,’ Sonya asked. ‘Are you an alien too?’

‘Oh no,’ River replied. ‘Well, I guess you could argue… my parents are human but I have a splice of Time Lord DNA. I have an augmented life-span as a result but I’m not actually a Time Lord, per se.’

‘Time Lord…’ Hakim breathed.

‘The Doctor’s species,’ River replied, fiddling with the controls on the console. She found the custard cream dispenser and grinned. ‘Oh you spoil her.’

The TARDIS warmed under her fingertips.

‘So if you both share DNA belonging to the same species… are you related?’ Sonya asked.

‘Yes, but not for the reasons you may think,’ River said, flicking a switch and turning on the overhead lights, brightening the room. She turned to Yaz’s family and grinned.

‘You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to say this - she’s my wife.’

* * *

 _‘Mum,’_ Yaz squeaked when she spotted her mum stood in the doorway. ‘What are you doing here? How did you get in?’

‘Really? You’re leading with that?’ her father said, stepping into Yaz’s line of sight.

Yaz groaned. ‘Oh god, please tell me Sonya isn’t here too.’

‘You are in _so much trouble,’_ Sonya said, grinning from ear to ear.

‘What is this? What’s going on? What do you even _do_ in here?’ Najia was almost hysterical, gesticulating with her arms to try and make her point.

‘Doctor, help,’ Yaz said quietly, but her friend was staring wide-eyed at the mysterious curly-haired woman in the doorway.

‘Seriously, 10/10 on the hair, face and general figure,’ River was telling the Doctor. ‘Please stand up, I _really_ want to see you standing up.’

‘What are you _doing_ here,’ the Doctor said. She was white as a sheet and Yaz was worried she was actually going to faint.

‘Well it’s nice to see you too!’ River said. ‘Thought I’d drop by and surprise you. Also I need to get off Earth, I stole a pearl necklace from this old rich woman and got sent here instead of my getaway vehicle.’ She tapped a peculiar watch on her wrist. ‘Fortunately I picked up the artron energy coming from your girlfriend here,’ she gestured at Yaz, ‘unfortunately I was also tracked here and now the people I stole it from want to arrest me.’

‘I’m not her…’ Yaz protested, but she was drowned out by the loud _bonging_ noises that suddenly started to sound through the ship.

‘Whoops, that’s on me,’ River said, at least having the decency to look guilty.

‘Everything alright, Doc? The doors were wide open,’ Graham said, skidding into the room with Ryan close behind him. He looked around at Yaz’s family, stood with their mouths open, at River who had a massive smirk on her face, at Yaz who looked like she wanted to slide off her stool and die, and finally at the Doctor who looked like she was about to faceplant the ground.

‘You alright? You’ve gone ever such a funny colour,’ Graham said. He frowned at the broken pieces of ceramic on the floor. ‘Break a mug?’

‘What’s that noise?’ Ryan said, pressing his hands over his ears.

‘Emergency klaxons,’ the Doctor said, coming to her senses and jumping off the stool. ‘TARDIS is under attack.’

‘Now _that’s_ a sight I could get used to,’ River said, nodding her approval as the Doctor raced down the corridor back to the control room.

‘Yasmin Khan you will tell us what is going on right this second,’ Najia said, angrily.

‘I’m not sure now is really the best time,’ Yaz replied.

‘When, then? Because I’ve heard the cock and bull story about how you met at a _social event_ and you already know I don’t believe it so I want the _truth.’_

‘The Doc’s an alien and we travel through space and time,’ Ryan blurted out, grabbing Yaz’s arm and helping her off her chair. ‘Come on, we better see if she needs a hand.’

The TARDIS lurched below their feet and Yaz knew they’d been flung into the time vortex. River was already in the console room, dancing around the controls with the Doctor. They were yelling angrily at each other and the ship lurched from side to side, lights blaring and flashing with the turbulence.

‘.... if you took the brakes off we’d go faster!’

‘If you hadn’t stolen someone’s jewellry we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place!’

‘Oh she stole something, you better arrest her, Yaz,’ Sonya told her sister as they gripped the metal railing tightly while the ship shuddered beneath their feet.

‘How are you so calm?’ Yaz stared at her.

‘Cause this is awesome! Mum and dad are mad at you for a change and your girlfriend is an alien!’

‘She’s _not my girlfriend.’_

‘Oh _please._ I know I’m younger than you but I wasn’t born yesterday.’

‘Yaz!’ the Doctor yelled from the console. ‘Pick a planet!’

‘Orlando!’ Yaz yelled back.

‘Good choice!’

The familiar grating, grinding noise started to sound and the lurching and turbulence calmed down somewhat.

‘Ah I didn't bring my trunks,’ Ryan said, annoyed.

‘There’s spares somewhere,’ the Doctor replied, checking the instruments and slowly bringing the TARDIS to a halt.

‘Orlando?’ Sonya asked Yaz.

‘It’s a leisure planet, massive beaches, huge water slides and the best fish and chips in the universe.’

‘Yeah but seriously, it’s called Orlando?’

‘Can someone tell me what the _hell_ is going on,’ Najia yelled. ‘Where are we? How do you know my daughter? Who is that woman,’ she gestured at River, ‘and why are you lot all so calm?’

‘Maybe it’s best if you show her, Yaz,’ the Doctor said, gesturing toward the doors. ‘We’ve landed.’

‘Show me what?’ Najia asked. ‘Landed where?’

‘Look, you want to know what I do in here? What we all do in here? Let me show you.’ Yaz strode towards the doors and opened them, stepping outside.

The sky was a lucious blue, the gentle wind brought the smell of chips and fresh sea air on the breeze and the sand beneath their feet was the golden colour you see in adverts for seaside resorts. The ocean in front of them stretched out as far as the eye could see and it was warm and bright with the sun shining down on them overhead. Yaz was so relieved that for once the TARDIS had actually taken them where they wanted to go and hadn’t dumped them in the middle of a war zone as had happened so many times before, that would _not_ be a good first impression.

‘This is Orlando,’ Yaz told her family as they exited the TARDIS and stood, dazed on the sand. ‘This is just one of trillions of planets in the universe. This is what we do. Me, Graham, Ryan and the Doctor. We travel through time and space and we go to wonderful places like this and see the most amazing things.’

‘How long?’ Hakim asked. ‘How long have you been doing this, under our noses?’

Yaz chewed her bottom lip. ‘It’s difficult to say, a few months at least, maybe longer.’

‘A few months? No, you’re lying again we’d notice if you disappeared for months on end!’ Najia protested.

‘The Doctor’s ship also travels through time,’ Yaz said, quietly.

There’s a pause, then Ryan said: ‘we’ve met Rosa Parks! And Martin Luther King! They’re amazing!’

‘Don’t think that’s helping,’ Graham said quietly. They’d come out of the TARDIS to join Yaz and her family for moral support, although they’re happy to hang back and let Yaz take the lead.

‘And you and the Doctor are…?’ Hakim asked.

‘Friends,’ Yaz said at the same moment as Sonya said ‘totally dating.’

‘How could you do this?’ Najia asked her. ‘Aren’t you happy with life at home? Aren’t we enough?’

‘Of course you are,’ Yaz said. ‘We didn't mean to travel with the Doctor, the only reason we’re together at all is because she fell from space through the roof of a train then accidentally sucked us into space.’

‘What?!’

‘Not at the same time,’ Graham pointed out.

‘But then we saw all this stuff and experienced all these things and you just can’t put them behind you and go back to your life the same it was before,’ Yaz said. ‘We tried, when we came home and there was the spider thing. We were going to stay but we just couldn’t. The universe was calling.’

‘And that’s the same for you two?’ Hakim asked Graham and Ryan.

‘Yeah, well, I lost my wife,’ Graham said. He placed a hand on Ryan’s shoulder which the younger man didn't shrug off. ‘And my grandson here lost his nan. And the Doc was just there for us. Being with her, the grief just isn’t as bad, it’s always there in the back of your mind but it doesn’t hurt so much.’

‘And who are you?’ Najia asked, turning back to the TARDIS where River and the Doctor were loitering in the doorway.

‘Which one?’ River asked.

‘Both of you, starting with you,’ she pointed at the Doctor.

‘She’s a hot mess,’ River said and the Doctor flushed bright red.

‘I’m just a traveller,’ the Doctor said. ‘I’ve got this blue box which is my home as well as my ship and I travel the universe and occasionally meet amazing people, like your daughter. Cause she is, she’s absolutely fantastic.’

‘And you’re an alien?’ Sonya asked.

‘Yes.’

Sonya nodded. ‘That’s wicked.’

‘And I’m her wife,’ River said. ‘Not an alien, as I mentioned, but I am over 150 years old and looking good on it.’

‘You never mentioned you were married,’ Ryan said to the Doctor, then the elbow from Graham reminded him that was an impolite thing to say.

‘I’m also a long story,’ River admitted.

‘Can we just go and get some chips?’ Yaz asked, pleadingly. ‘There’s so much more to this planet then just the beach and we can tell you more of all the things we’ve seen, if you want to hear it.’

‘I definitely do,’ Sonya said. ‘Plus I’m starving, so chips sounds good. You coming, Doctor?’

Something exploded in the TARDIS behind them.

‘I should probably fix that,’ the Doctor said, gesturing over her shoulder, grateful that the TARDIS had given her the option to say no.

‘But you’ll meet us later, yeah?’ Graham asked.

‘Yes, defo, I’ll meet you later,’ the Doctor said.

‘Alright then, see yah,’ Ryan waved as the group walked off and made their way along the beach to the steps built into the walls of the cliff that led them up to the resort.

‘Finally we’re alone,’ River said, pulled the Doctor back into the TARDIS and closing the doors, slamming her wife up against them and tugging at her braces. ‘I’m glad these have made a comeback, by the way.’

‘About that,’ the Doctor said, trying to remove River’s hands from her shoulders. ‘Where are we? I mean where in our history are we? What do I currently look like?’

‘Well your chin is nowhere near this cute I can tell you that,’ River said, gently holding her chin as she kissed her. ‘Hmm and this new mouth is much softer.’

‘River…’

‘Your hair is probably still this floppy but it’s a lot more sticky-uppy,’ River said, running her fingers through it. Her hands made their way down the sides of her face and started to head towards her chest. ‘And you _definitely_ don’t have these…’

 _‘River,’_ the Doctor squeaked, jumping away from the doors.

‘You shy this time around?’ River asked. ‘It’s okay, we can go slow. Unless… are you and Yasmin…?’

‘What? No,’ the Doctor said, blushing furiously.

‘But you’ve thought about it.’

‘Oh shut up.’

‘Make me.’

River pushed the Doctor up against the console and pinned her arms behind her back with one hand, kissing her ferociously. With her other hand she tugged the Doctor’s braces down and over her shoulders, untucking the shirts from her trousers to find the soft skin underneath.

‘You just tell me when to stop, sweetie,’ she whispered in her wife’s ear.

The Doctor’s legs turned to jelly.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in two minds whether to continue this or not, but I think if I did I would make it Thasmin, thoughts?


	21. trudging through the mud to find the present, no ignoring us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I saw the picture of the Doctor with her adorable wet hair in Witchfinders and got inspired to write this! Bit of background, the TARDIS has materialised somewhere and they've found a hut to explore :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have almost finished the second part of 'can't pack up a u-haul and take it with you when you're gone' (man I need a sorter title). I'm just polishing it off ready to publish, really want to get it right and try and stay true to their characters without going too OOC! I hope you enjoy this one in the meantime :)
> 
> Also I am really running out of ways to make the lyrics match the content. Please start ignoring the titles cause they're probably not going to make much sense.

‘Looks like someone left this place in a hurry,’ Ryan said, looking around the tiny hut where blankets were still on the bed and the dying embers of a fire burned in the grate.

‘Good for us though,’ the Doctor said, pointing her sonic around and sniffing the air. ‘Always good to have a getaway hut, just in case things go pear shaped.’

‘Are things going to go pear shaped?’ Ryan asked.

‘When have they not?’ Graham said.

‘Oi! I can’t control all the actions of the universe,’ the Doctor said, hurt. ‘Come on you lot, let’s have a look outside.’

The leaves crunched under their shoes and Yaz was glad she’d worn her boots today. There was a chill in the air but it wasn’t too cold and the sun was shining brightly through the wood, setting the leaves on the trees on fire with a golden glow. 

‘This place isn’t right, I’m picking up some really strange stuff with the sonic,’ the Doctor said, holding the aforementioned device out in front of her as they moved through the wood. ‘Some weird energy here, plus it smells odd.’

‘Smells like forest to me,’ Graham said. 

‘You’re forgetting my reliable new nose,’ the Doctor said, tapping it with her finger. ‘Smells mechanical, something that really shouldn’t be in this century.’

‘Oh, you mean the reliable nose that told you you had two minutes before you passed out when actually you had less than ten seconds?’ Ryan asked, innocently.

‘Ssh, Ryan.’ 

‘Halt! In the name of the king!’

‘I thought they only said that in movies,’ Graham said. 

‘What sorcery is this?’ 

There was a group of five knights on horses in front of them, one of them dismounted and drew his sword, pointing it at the Doctor.

‘Oh crap,’ she muttered, hiding the hand clutching the sonic behind her back. She cleared her throat. ‘Oh, good afternoon! We’re a bit lost, went for a walk and went left at the wrong tree, didn't we fam?’

‘Yeah, totally,’ Ryan said. Graham and Yaz both nodded.

‘What is that in your hand?’ the knight said, reaching behind and grabbing the sonic out of the Doctor’s hand. 

‘That? Oh nothing, just a stick we found.’

‘It looks like sorcery!’ the knight exclaimed. Then he did the worst possible thing he could have done. He pressed the button and somewhere to the left a branch exploded off a tree.

‘It’s a magic wand! She’s a witch! Seize her!’ the knight yelled.

‘Run!’ the Doctor yelled to her friends as the knights dismounted and grabbed her, forcing her to her knees as they tightly pulled her arms behind her back and started securing her with rope.

‘She’s not a witch!’ Graham yelled. ‘Just because a branch fell off a tree you can’t immediately claim it’s witchcraft!’

The knight pressed the button again and another branch cracked in the distance.

‘Urgh knew I shouldn’t have made a setting for wood!’ the Doctor groaned.

Fully trussed up and unable to move, two of the knights picked her up and hoisted her onto their horse. 

‘You should do as your friend suggested and run,’ the knight told them. ‘She shall be tried as a witch. If she is guilty she will be burned. And if she is innocent…’

‘She’ll probably die anyway cause your “trials” are unfair!’ Ryan yelled.

‘Hey, it’s gonna be alright,’ the Doctor started to say, before one of the knights tied a strip of cloth around her mouth.

‘Don’t follow us,’ the knight told them, and they group rode off.

‘What do we do now?’ Ryan asked as the sound of stampeding hooves faded into the distance.

‘We do what he said not to,’ Yaz said, already moving forward. ‘We follow them.’ 

* * *

They eventually caught up with them in a small village. It was deserted but there was the sound of lots of people coming from close by and Graham went pale. ‘Sounds like they’ve whipped up a mob,’ he said.

They followed the sound and ended up at a lake where, to their horror, the Doctor was already strapped into a chair ready to be drowned in the water. She saw them and shook her head frantically but Ryan and Yaz managed to push their way to the front of the crowd with their elbows, Graham close behind.

‘This woman has been found using magic!’ the knight who’d captured her shouted over the noise. ‘She will be tried according to our laws. If she floats she's a witch and will be burned at the stake!’

The noise grew louder, this seemed to be the village’s favourite option.

‘And if she is innocent, and survives the trial, she will be released!’

There was audibly less cheers at this.

‘Do you have anything to say before we begin?’ the knight asked the Doctor.

‘I don’t weigh the same as a duck?’ she said, sheepishly.

‘Bad time to quote  _ Monty Python,  _ Doc,’ Graham muttered.

‘Then prepare for your trial by water, under the eyes of God the truth will be known!’ the knight shouted, and a priest came forward and started tying her limbs with more rope. 

‘Look, hang on, she’s not a witch!’ Graham yelled over the roar of the crowd.

‘It’s fine! Don’t worry about me!’ the Doctor yelled back. ‘You three find somewhere safe, I’ll be fine.’

The priest tied her arms tightly together behind her back and the Doctor cried out as the thick rope dug into her skin.

‘This doesn’t seem very fair,’ she muttered to the priest. ‘Give me a fighting chance at least.’

‘Witches don’t deserve chances,’ he growled in her ear. 

‘You’ll drown!’ Ryan shouted.

‘No, listen to me, really carefully.’ The Doctor looked directly into his eyes as the priest tightened the rope around her legs. ‘I’ll be  _ fine.’ _

Then she was swung out over the lake and dropped into the cold water.

Yaz screamed but Graham was already grabbing her hand and tugging her away before she flung herself into the water after the Doctor. 

‘Come on, Yaz. You heard her, we need to find somewhere safe,’ he said, pulling her away from the banks of the river.

‘No! We have to rescue her!’ Yaz protested, trying to wrench herself free.

‘I’m pretty sure she’ll rescue herself!’ Ryan said. He grabbed her other arm and the two men lifted her over the muddy bank of the lake and back into the woods. 

‘Look, she’s got two hearts, maybe she’s also got four lungs,’ Graham said, trying to placate Yaz as they made their way as fast as they could through the thick overgrowth of trees. 

‘She seemed pretty sure she’d get out of it,’ Ryan said, nudging her with her shoulder. ‘She’ll probably be back at the hut by the time we get there complaining we took too long.’

She wasn’t, but Graham got the fire going and the room was warm by the time she did stumble in a few hours later, teeth chattering, soaking wet and freezing cold. 

‘Jesus!’ Ryan exclaimed as she burst through the door, dropping to her knees on the hard wooden floor, dripping water. 

‘No, just me,’ she replied, wrapping her arms around herself. ‘Sorry I took so long. Those ropes were tricker to get out of than I initially thought, and I had to go the long way round so no-one saw me.’

‘Stop trying to talk you’re hurting my ears,’ Ryan said as he and Yaz got her to her feet. ‘Right, I did this in scouts. You need to take your clothes off.’

The Doctor blinked at him.

‘God that came out wrong,’ Ryan muttered.

‘I think what he’s trying to say is you need to take your wet things off so they don’t make you colder while we try and warm you up,’ Yaz translated. ‘You two turn around.’

She helped the Doctor peel off her wet clothes and immediately wrapped her in blankets, sitting her on the sofa which they’d pushed closer to the fire earlier in the evening, sitting down next to her. 

‘Right, you two on the other side,’ Yaz said to the two men. ‘We’re bringing back the cuddlepile.’

Sandwiched between her friends and covered in layers upon layers of thick blankets the Doctor soon started to feel warm again. She felt her eyes sliding shut as she started to doze, her head resting against Ryan’s who was on her other side.

‘Hey, you should probably stay awake,’ Graham said, poking her leg. 

‘Nah, s’okay,’ the Doctor mumbled, not opening her eyes. ‘Just need a nap, gimme 30 minutes and I’ll be fine.’

‘Hang on, if you’re having a nap let me get comfy,’ Ryan said, wriggling on the sofa and tucking an arm over the Doctor’s shoulders, letting her head rest in the crook of his arm.

‘What?’ he said, noticing Yaz and Graham smirking at him. ‘I like a cuddle as much as the next guy. Plus I thought we were trying to warm her up?’

Yaz curled into her on the other side, resting her head against the top of the Doctor’s blanket-clad shoulder.

‘Feeling a bit left out here,’ Graham complained. He grabbed one of the spare blankets and threw it over the four of them so they all had their knees covered underneath the thick wool. ‘That’s better,’ he said smugly. 

‘Thanks guys,’ the Doctor murmured sleepily.

‘You’re welcome,’ Ryan replied, awkwardly patting her hair. 

‘What?’ he said when he spotted Yaz’s grin. ‘She likes it when you do it.’ 

Yaz flushed.

‘Yes, we’ve noticed,’ Graham told her. 

  
  
  
  



	22. can't pack up a u-haul and take it with you when you're gone II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this so many times and there was so much extra stuff I wanted to fit in but couldn't make it work, so this is going to be in THREE PARTS. Wahey! 
> 
> I'm trying not to make Yaz's parents out to be too much like dicks but it kind of fits with the story if they are a bit so sorry Yaz's parents!

They’d ended up in the Doctor’s bedroom, a bread-crumb trail of forgotten and discarded clothes marking their way. River had taken great delight in showing the Doctor what, exactly, her new body was capable of and there had been a lot of lips and tongue and hands moving under the sheets, soft moans and cries _yes don’t stop_ echoing quietly through the room.

Lying side by side, the sweat cooling on their naked bodies, the Doctor feels guilty. Guilty that while she’d been enjoying her wife’s company, her body and her love, another face had popped briefly into her mind for only a second before disappearing.

_Yaz._

Why was Yaz in her head? What business had she popping up when she was finally alone with her wife for the first time in years?

The Doctor already knew the answer, she just didn't want to admit it, either to herself or anyone else.

‘So, Yaz then,’ River said.

_For fucks sake, River._

River chuckled. ‘That scowl is very unbecoming of a young woman, Doctor.’

The Doctor rolled onto her side and reached an arm lazily across River’s waist, fingers gently stroking her hip. ‘Better wipe it off me then,’ she purred as seductively as she could manage. Which, with her broad northern accent, wasn’t very.

It worked though, and River rolled on top of her, holding her weight gently as she kissed her and nuzzled her neck with her nose.

‘Don’t try and change the subject,’ she whispered against the Doctor’s skin, fingers brushing lightly over her breast.

‘You want to talk about Yaz, _now._ I mean, _right at this second,’_ the Doctor breathed, unable to suppress the moan that escaped her lips at the feel of River’s hand moving south down her stomach.

‘Yaz has a massive crush on you, you should do something about that,’ River said, moving her lips to rest over the Doctor’s nipples and she tugged gently with her teeth.

 _‘Right now?’_ the Doctor said, unable to comprehend that River had decided this was an appropriate moment to bring it up.

‘She’d be welcome to join us,’ River said, sliding her fingers through the Doctor’s folds and making her gasp up into the air.

And then River _winked._ The cheek of it.

* * *

The Doctor picked her shirts up from the floor and tugged them back over her head, face flushed and River’s lipstick smeared all over her mouth and neck.

‘You might want to fix that,’ River said, a wicked grin on her face as she watched her wife awkwardly dress in the dim light of the TARDIS.

‘You got it everywhere!’ the Doctor grumbled at her reflection in the console.

‘Yes I did,’ River winked. She looked immaculate of course, not even a hair out of place.

Then the vortex manipulator on her wrist started to beep.

‘It’s locked onto my getaway ship,’ River said softly, tapping at the display. She looked up at her wife and the Doctor knew immediately what that meant.

‘You’re leaving,’ she said.

‘Yes,’ River breathed. ‘I have to.’ She stepped forward and gently pulled the Doctor’s suspenders back up onto her shoulders, fixing them neatly against her chest. The Doctor caught her hands and kissed the back of each of them lightly.

‘I don’t want to lose you,’ the Doctor said, squeezing River’s hands tightly.

‘You already have, my love,’ River replied, eyes gentle. ‘I saw it in your face as soon as you saw me. We had our last beautiful goodbye together and then I spoilt it by appearing when I wasn’t supposed to. I ruined our last moments together and I’m sorry about that, but it’s time for me to go and time for you to move on.’

‘Don’t leave,’ the Doctor said, shocked to find there were tears in her eyes. It made sense though, she always seemed to end up crying when saying goodbye to River no matter what body she was in.

‘I’m sure you’ll end up seeing me again,’ River said, placing her hands on either side of the Doctor’s face. ‘We can’t seem to stay away from each other.’

She kissed her slowly and the Doctor bunched her hands in River’s top, clinging onto her tightly. A part of her thought that if she held on tight enough River would never leave. She knew it wasn’t true, but it was a nice dream.

River pulled back and rested her head lightly against the Doctor’s.

‘Goodbye, sweetie,’ she said softly. Then she was gone.

The Doctor fell back against the console and the TARDIS made its reassuring humming sounds to comfort her. She slid down to the floor and sat slumped against the column, the tears falling freely from her eyes. The ship made soft beeping sounds and the Doctor looked up at the ceiling.

‘I know we should make the most of every moment with her, but it never seems to be enough,’ she said quietly.

* * *

Walking along the beach with her family, Yaz was silent. Her parents walked ahead and she could hear Graham talking to them, his voice carried back to her on the wind. He was trying to tell them about all the incredible things they’d seen, how fantastic travelling the universe is, how caring and compassionate and _wonderful_ the Doctor is. But she knows it’s no use. Her parents will only see the danger as all parents do.

They found the same little cafe they sat at last time that overlooks the water and the waiter recognised them immediately.

‘Ah! Yasmin! Ryan! Graham! Come in, sit down. Where is your friend the Doctor, eh? She brightens the place up.’

‘She’ll be joining us later,’ Graham said, not missing the glance that passes between Najia and Hakim.

‘Ah good, I would like to see her again. Please, take a seat, best seat in the house. Would you like anything to drink?’

Once their drinks had arrived, Sonya sat down next to Yaz and took a dramatic slurp from her glass. It tasted like cola but it was also pink, so she wasn’t completely sure what she was actually drinking.

‘Right, what’s going on?’

‘Huh?’ Yaz looked up, surprised. While it wasn’t unheard of for her sister to ask how she was doing, it certainly wasn’t a common occurrence.

‘You look miserable. Is it mum and dad? Is it River and the Doctor?’

Yaz flinched.

‘Right, River and the Doctor. Why are you upset?’

‘Why do you care?’

Sonya raised an eyebrow at her. ‘I know we’re not massively close or anything but I’m going to hear about this non-stop from mum and dad anyway when we get home and I want to hear your side of the story. So. Why are you upset?’

Yaz said nothing. She dropped her hands into her lap and started fiddling with the small silver ring on her index finger.

Sonya sighed and grumbled as she pulled out her phone and set a timer for five minutes.

‘What are you doing?’ Yaz asked, confused.

‘I’m giving us time,’ she replied. ‘I’m giving us five minutes where you are going to tell me what’s going on and I am going to listen and give you my advice without being your normal bitchy little sister, okay?’

Yaz was shook.

‘So, start at the beginning. We’ll start off with one word answers. You and the Doctor, is there anything there?’

Yaz blinked at her and Sonya made a _hurry up_ gesture with her hand, pointing at the clock ticking down on her phone.

‘Yes or no, Yaz, come on.’

‘No.’

‘Okay, do you want there to be?’

Yaz was embarrassed to find tears in her eyes. ‘Yes,’ she said softly.

‘Does the Doctor know how you feel?’

‘No.’

‘Okay, we’re going onto _one sentence only_ answers now, okay? Think about your response, then give me your answer in one sentence.’

Yaz nodded and wiped away the tears with the back of her hand.

‘Why haven’t you told the Doctor how you feel?’

‘I don’t think that she views me in that way.’

‘What are you most frightened of?’

‘Rejection,’ Yaz said quietly.

‘What’s the worst thing that could happen?’

‘It could get really awkward and the Doctor may not want me to travel with her any more.’

‘What’s the best thing that could happen?’

‘We could be together.’ Even the thought of this was enough to raise Yaz’s spirits a little.

‘Would the outcome of being with the Doctor be worth the risk?’

‘Yes,’ Yaz said. ‘A hundred times yes.’

Sonya leaned back in her chair. ‘Okay, here’s my advice then,’ she said, dramatically taking a slurp of her drink. ‘You tell her how you feel. You’re in mourning for a break up that hasn’t even happened. You were obviously worried that she won’t feel the same way but you now know that she likes women so that’s a good start. This “River” woman has obviously showed up out of nowhere so who knows what the history is there. Take a risk. Tell the Doctor that you think you might have feelings for her then put the ball in her court and ask how she feels. If she says she doesn’t feel the same way then shrug it off and walk out of there like a queen, you don’t need to bring it up again, you have your answer. If she says she does feel the same way then jump her.’

Yaz snorts cola out through her nose. ‘Sonya!’

‘Yaz, that woman is dying to be jumped. Pin her up against the wall of her ship and show her a good time.’

The phone beeped as the time rang out and Sonya snatched it up, turning the timer off and shoving it back in her pocket. ‘Or don’t, do whatever you want, I don’t care.’

‘You alright, Yaz? Your eyes are red.’

The Doctor appeared from nowhere and frowned down at Yaz, River nowhere in sight. Her face was pale and her hair was a mess, she also looked impossibly sad and Yaz had a sudden impulse to wrap her arms around her. And of course she was asking how Yaz was rather than addressing the fact that she was sad herself, of course she was.

‘Yeah, I’m fine. Just got sand in my eyes,’ Yaz said, rubbing them for good measure.

‘Wanna go for a walk?’ the Doctor asked.

‘Yes, I really do,’ Yaz replied, standing up and glancing at Sonya when the Doctor had turned away.

 _Tell her,_ Sonya mouthed at her.

* * *

‘So River has left,’ the Doctor said, once she’d bought them both ice creams and they started walking along the pier.

‘I’m sorry,’ Yaz said, feeling the Doctor’s loss echoing deep down inside her.

‘Don’t be,’ the Doctor said, smiling at Yaz emptily. ‘Our time was up ages ago, this was just one last hurrah we weren’t supposed to have. One last spoiler.’

‘Is she really your wife?’ Yaz asked, biting down on the last of her ice cream. They’ve reached the end of the pier and the Doctor sat on the edge, legs dangling over the water below them, Yaz sat down with her and they stayed there in silence for a while.

‘Sort of,’ the Doctor said. ‘It’s complicated. It’s really complicated.’ She sighed and rubbed at her eyes tiredly. ‘I always thought of her as being my wife and she certainly felt the same way but whether or not our wedding ceremony was legitimate is up for debate.’

‘I am sorry,’ Yaz said. ‘Really. You seemed happy with her, you certainly bickered with each other like a married couple when you were flying the TARDIS.’

Yaz thought that may have gotten a laugh but the Doctor only sat there, staring out at the water, shoulders drooped and face so sad.

‘Do you want a hug?’ Yaz asked, softly.

The Doctor nodded and Yaz wrapped her arms around her tightly, burying her face in her neck, the Doctor’s arms coming to rest across her shoulders as they held each other. Yaz curses the over-enthusiastic beat of her heart as she feels the Doctor’s hand on the back of her neck, her other hand coming down to rest on her hip. She gently ran her fingers through the Doctor’s hair and the Doctor turns her head towards her and then…

… they’re kissing.

It’s nothing enthusiastic and there’s no fireworks going off, it certainly isn’t how Yaz ever imagined their first kiss would be. It’s just warm and sweet and gentle and everything both of them need in that moment. Yaz can feel the Doctor’s tears on her cheeks and her hands come up to cradle her face as she kisses her. The Doctor tastes like salt and ice cream and the cherry flavoured lip balm Yaz leant her and it’s wonderful and exciting and brand new all at once.

When they break apart, both breathless, Yaz is already missing the feel of the Doctor’s lips on hers and she wants to kiss her again, but then she hears her name called from the other end of the pier.

‘Yaz!’

‘It’s my mum,’ Yaz said, quietly. ‘I should go and see what she wants.’

‘We’re going to have to stay here this evening,’ the Doctor said. ‘The TARDIS won’t take off.’

‘Why not?’ Yaz asked.

‘She doesn’t want to,’ the Doctor replied. ‘Maybe she wants your family to experience their first night on an alien planet.’

_‘Yaz!’_

‘Go see your mum, I’ll find us somewhere to stay,’ the Doctor said, and Yaz squeezed her hand and stood up, making her way back down the pier, the taste of the Doctor’s lips on her mouth and her heart hammering in her chest.

The Doctor looked out across the water when she’d gone and was out of earshot.

‘Or maybe she’s too sad,’ she said softly.

* * *

Once the Doctor had sweet talked the receptionist into finding them some rooms, they reconvened on the veranda for dinner that evening. Najia and Hakim had immediately noticed River’s absence but in response to their question as to where she’d gone, the Doctor had just replied ‘she’s gone home’ and hadn’t wanted to answer anything else when they pressed for more information.

Graham, perhaps recognising that the Doctor was feeling vulnerable and wanting to be a good friend, made sure he was sat next to her at the table and kept her busy translating the word _fork_ into as many different languages as she could think of. Yaz was sat on her other side talking to her mum and Ryan was trying to avoid Sonya, who kept flashing her eyes at him.

 _‘Hobnob,_ seriously, that’s how you say fork in Plont? What kind of language even is Plont?’ Graham said, incredulous. ‘I swear you’re just making words up now.’

‘Plont is one of the universal languages!’ the Doctor protested. ‘It’s like the equivalent of English for you lot. You can go to any country in the world and the majority of people know a bit of it, same with Plont.’

Meanwhile, Yaz and her parents were having a very different conversation.

‘I just can’t believe you’ve been doing this.’ Najia said. ‘We knew something was different with you but never even considered that _this_ is what you were doing with your spare time.’

‘Why didn't you just tell us the truth?’ Hakim asked.

‘Why? Look at how you’re reacting now!’ Yaz protested.

‘You lied to us! I _knew_ you were with that woman!’ Najia said.

‘Look at where we are! _’_ Yaz said. ‘We’re on another planet in another galaxy in another solar system having chips under a sunset that _isn’t our sun._ Have you ever even imagined that this could be possible?’

It had gone quiet down the other end of the table, aside from the Doctor who was humming _That Would Be Enough_ and staring at the ocean apparently without realising until Ryan her a gentle nudge with his foot under the table.

‘Sorry, Yaz was quoting Hamilton lyrics,’ she said, snapping out of her reverie. ‘Love that show. What are we talking about?’

Najia gritted her teeth and Hakim placed a hand gently on her knee.

‘We were just wondering when we’ll be able to leave,’ he said. ‘Yaz said there was something wrong with your ship?’

‘She’s sulking,’ the Doctor said, apologetically. ‘We’ll be able to leave in the morning.’

‘Who’s sulking? Yaz?’ Hakim asked, confused.

‘No my ship is sulking,’ the Doctor clarified.

‘That box is a she?’ Sonya asked.

‘Yep,’ Graham said. ‘Word of warning, don’t ever let her catch you calling her a “thing”. Cold showers for a week.’

‘Your box has feelings…’ Najia said slowly.

‘Yes! She’s sentient,’ the Doctor said. ‘I met her once, like actually met her, pwoah.’

Ryan almost had his entire fist shoved in his mouth to subdue the giggles and even Yaz couldn’t help but crack a smile at the Doctor’s enthusiasm. The way the Doctor spoke about her ship was as extra as the way she flung her sonic screwdriver around.

Najia and Hakim had their mouths hanging open and Sonya had both eyebrows raised. It looked so comical that Graham barely managed to conceal a laugh.

‘She loves her ship,’ Ryan tells them.

‘Well it’s my home! Gotta love your home,’ the Doctor said. ‘Especially when she can make the water cold,’ she added, giving Graham a pointed look.

‘What planet are you from?’ Hakim asked.

‘My planets gone,’ the Doctor said. ‘Well sort of, I thought it was destroyed but actually it isn’t. Turns out me and two other me’s trapped it in time and hid it at the end of the universe. I have been back there but don’t really want to go again, they locked me in a confession dial for four billion years.’

This time the silence was so thick the Doctor herself broke it. ‘What? Have I said something weird again?’

‘Everything you say is weird, Doc,’ Graham told her. ‘But that was particularly odd. Did you say you were trapped for _four billion years?’_ ’

‘How old are you?’ Sonya asked, wide eyed.

The Doctor frowned. ‘Uh… difficult to say really. I’ve lost track. If you don’t count the four billion years, which I guess you could argue not to since I was stuck in a time loop, then probably…’ she bit down on her bottom lip ‘... probably just over 2000?’

 _‘What?!’_ This was from Hakim who was staring at her.

‘Nah, you gotta be in your thirties,’ Sonya said.

‘No really, I’m over 2000,’ the Doctor said, surprised.

‘Yaz, you’re coming home with us,’ Najia said firmly.

‘Wait, is it something I said?’ the Doctor asked, confused. She turned to Graham. ‘Is it?’

‘Probably, Doc, but it’s not your fault,’ Graham told her. ‘You were just being honest.’

‘I am not having my daughter travelling through time and space in a blue box with an alien who is over 2000 years old!’ Najia said.

‘Why? She’s not dangerous,’ Ryan said. ‘The Doctor is our friend. The first time we met her she rescued us from an alien. She didn't even know who we were and she’d just fallen hundreds of feet but she did it anyway, that’s the kind of person she is.’

‘Fell from where?’ Sonya asked, intrigued.

‘From space,’ the Doctor said. ‘Straight through the Earth’s atmosphere. It was more like 264,000 feet too, sorry Ryan.’

‘How did you not die?’ Sonya asked. ‘Or break every bone in your body?’

‘Oh I did!’ the Doctor said. ‘Every single one. I was still regenerating though so they all healed instantly.’

‘That’s it. Yaz, come with us,’ Najia said, standing up and gripping her daughter’s arm. ‘If we can’t leave tonight then you’re staying with us in the hotel this evening and we’ll go first thing tomorrow morning. Right, Doctor?’

The Doctor looked at Yaz, and then at Ryan and Graham. ‘I feel like I should stop talking,’ she said quietly.

‘Get off me!’ Yaz protested, wrenching her arm free and standing with her friends. ‘You don’t get to control my life, I can make my own decisions. Now, I am going for a walk with Team TARDIS and you guys can go back to the hotel and think things over but I am not leaving the Doctor just to go back home and be miserable.’

‘Oh for goodness sake are you in love with her or something?’ Najia snapped.

‘Yes!’

There was a silence. Yaz shuffled her feet and looked down at her shoes. ‘How could I not be?’ she said quietly.

‘Yeah, I’m a bit in love with her too,’ Graham admitted after a brief pause.

‘And me,’ Ryan said, after Graham kicked him in the leg.

The Doctor didn't say anything, she just sat there with her eyes wide and mouth open slightly. Ryan had never really seen anyone actually _look_ taken aback but she was really pulling it off.

‘You call yourselves Team TARDIS?’ Sonya said.

Yaz shook her head. ‘It just slipped out,’ she muttered, gently tugging the Doctor up by her arm, Ryan and Graham following suit.

* * *

‘Well, that was awkward,’ Ryan said once the four of them were walking along the pier.

‘Never been good with families,’ the Doctor admitted. ‘Apart from Amy and Rory, but that was a bit different.’

‘You’re not going to listen to them though, right?’ Ryan said to Yaz. ‘You’re not going home?’

Yaz risked a glance at the Doctor who was walking beside her. ‘I’ll stay here as long as you’ll have me,’ she said quietly.

‘Then you’re never leaving,’ the Doctor said firmly. Her expression softened and she tucked her arm into Yaz’s. ‘Can’t have a TARDIS with no Yaz. You think the tantrum she’s throwing now is bad? Imagine how bad it would be if you left.’

‘Doc, can I ask you something personal?’ Graham asked. They’d stopped along the waterfront and were stood by the railings looking down onto the beach below and the ocean in front of them.

The Doctor did a unsure-scrunch. ‘Maybe,’ she said. ‘Depends what it is.’

‘I just want to know how you are,’ he said.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, how are you? How are you feeling?’

‘I’m… uh… fine.’

‘Okay, try that again, but like you actually mean it this time,’ Ryan told her.

‘Cause it’s okay if you’re not, Doc,’ Graham said. ‘I don’t want to pry about you and River and whatever is going on there, but you did say she’s your wife and now she’s just left. It’s totally okay if you want to just run off somewhere and scream at something for a bit. We can handle Yaz’s family if you need some time.’

‘Would screaming at something help?’ the Doctor asked.

‘Works for me,’ Ryan said.

The Doctor looked thoughtful for a second, but then she shook her head. ‘Nah,’ she said. ‘I’ve cried after River enough times now, enough for a lifetime. Enough for _three_ lifetimes. Literally. Shall we go and bury Yaz in the sand?’

‘Why me?’ Yaz protested.

‘Cause,’ the Doctor shrugged. ‘It’ll be fun.’

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's probably going to be some team bonding at the start of the next chapter cause I just love them all so much.


	23. We gon' be alright, put that on my life III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean she got dunked twice and didn't get to dry off properly and you can literally see poor Jodie shivering in some scenes so sue me I wrote fluff. 
> 
> Also Houdini is also the name of my hamster so I got a bit confused when she mentioned him.
> 
> There's a cute picture of him on my tumblr - catchonfirespontaneously :)

_ It was inevitable really,  _ the Doctor pondered from her position on the TARDIS floor, staring up at the high arched ceiling.  _ Dunked twice in one day in a freezing cold river in the freezing cold north in November. And it’s not like that water was particularly clean either. And I didn't even get a towel either time. _

She sneezed, loudly, and the TARDIS hummed in concern. 

She wasn’t entirely certain how she’d even ended up on the floor. One second she’d been leaning over the controls, pondering their next destination, somewhere  _ warm,  _ then she’d had a head rush that blurred her vision and she’d woken up on the floor.

‘This is really uncomfortable,’ she said aloud, to no-one in particular. Her three friends were all in their rooms, probably sleeping. Why did humans sleep so much? Their life span really wasn’t long enough for them to afford to have so much time asleep, and there was so much she wanted to show them.

Although she couldn’t very well do that from the floor. 

The Doctor very slowly reached up an arm to grab hold of the TARDIS console and pulled herself up, her head spinning and aching. 

‘Urgh,’ she said, closing her eyes as waves of dizziness swept over her. She  _ never  _ got sick. She was too busy to get sick, too many things needed doing.

The TARDIS hummed under her fingertips, almost as though it was urging her on.

Pulling herself to her feet was a mammoth challenge, more so than freeing herself from the chains at the bottom of the river, that had been easy compared to this.

She wobbled unsteadily once back on her feet, gripping hold of the TARDIS console. She sneezed again and shook her head, trying to clear away the fuzz from her brain. She’d had a hot shower once safely back in the TARDIS, changing her clothes for clean ones but there was a chill in her bones that she couldn’t shake and she realised she was shivering. Her nose felt blocked and she was breathing noisily through her mouth, her hearts beating quickly inside her chest. 

‘Well this sucks,’ she muttered, wrapping her arms around her torso. ‘Now what?’

The TARDIS beeped at her and the Doctor scoffed. ‘Go to bed? Don’t be daft. I got a full four hours the other night, don’t need to sleep now for a while.’

The TARDIS pushed an image of her warm, cosy bed into her mind and the Doctor sighed.

‘Maybe a few more hours couldn’t hurt…’

The trek to her bedroom was slow and her vision was blurring considerably by the time she reached her door, arms clutching tightly around herself, shivering violently now and teeth chattering.

She dove onto her bed, shoes and socks still on, and wrapped herself up in the duvet, squeezing her eyes tightly shut as she willed herself to warm up.

An image of her friends appeared behind her eyelids and she shook her head. 

‘No, don’t wake them up, I’ll be fine in the morning,’ she mumbled sleepily. ‘Just need a nap…’

* * *

‘You seen the Doc this morning?’ Graham asked Yaz over his toast the next morning.

‘She not in the console room?’ Yaz asked, frowning.

‘I’ve not seen her either,’ Ryan said. 

‘She never misses her cereal,’ Graham said, eyeing the empty place at the table. ‘I swear it’s her favourite time of day. Do you think she’s alright?’

Yaz finished her tea and looked out into the corridor, listening for the sound of footprints, but there was nothing.

She stood up and headed for the door. ‘I’m going to go check on her,’ she told the other two. ‘Maybe she wanted to have a go at being an escape artist again and got stuck.’

The TARDIS lit the way for her as she made her way through the ship, past the bedrooms, the wardrobes, the library, the swimming pool, the maze, the Doctor’s study, the bins and the tennis court until she was in a part of the TARDIS she didn't recognise and was standing in front of a door. 

‘She in there?’ Yaz asked the air, and the TARDIS hummed.

Yaz didn't get a response from her knocks and she carefully turned the doorknob, surprised when it opened without any resistance. There were plenty of rooms in the TARDIS that were unlocked but equally there were plenty that weren’t and Yaz itched to know what was behind them. 

‘Doctor?’ she whispered into the dark quiet of the room. She could make out a lump on the bed and the sound of laboured breathing, a tuft of blond hair peeking out from under the blanket.

‘Are you alright?’

Yaz stepped into the room and headed for the bed, there was a light on a bedside table covered in photo-frames of people Yaz didn't recognise and she turned it on.

‘You look awful!’

The Doctor’s eyes fluttered open briefly and found Yaz’s. 

‘Oh hey,’ she mumbled. ‘You alright?’

‘Am I alright? What about you! You look like death!’

‘M’fine.’

‘You are not.’

Yaz sat down next to the Doctor and placed a hand gently on her forehead. She was hot, too hot, her hair plastered with sweat and her whole body shivering.

‘Mmm that feels nice,’ the Doctor mumbled, closing her eyes again as Yaz gently stroked the damp tangles of hair away from her face.

‘You’re ill,’ Yaz told her. It wasn’t a question.

‘I don’t get ill.’

‘What do you call this, then?’

The Doctor didn't have a response for that.

‘Is this from being in the river yesterday?’ Yaz asked. ‘Have you got a cold or the flu or something?’

‘Probably.’

Yaz sighed. ‘You should have said you weren’t feeling well,’ she chastised her gently. ‘You need to let us look after you.’

‘I don’t need looking after,’ she said firmly. Or she tried, but with her blocked up nose, sore throat and dry mouth it was a bit pathetic. 

‘Try that again, but make me actually believe it this time,’ Yaz told her, and the Doctor whined.  _ It’s not fair for her to be that adorable,  _ Yaz thought crossly. 

She stroked the Doctor’s hair down again and she leaned into her touch, relaxing under Yaz’s fingers.

‘Your hands are nice and cold,’ she mumbled quietly. 

‘No, my hands are normal temperature, your head is too hot,’ Yaz corrected her. 

Yaz could feel the Doctor softening under her hands, could hear her breathing slow as she went back to sleep and Yaz sat watching her for a few moments. It was a rare event to see the Doctor still for more than a few seconds and it would almost have been cute if she didn't sound like her lungs were full of gunk.

‘I’ll be back to check on you later,’ she said, softly.

‘Thanks Yaz,’ came the quiet, mumbled reply.

* * *

It was quite a nice break from the usual running around to be able to simply sit and relax and the fam were finally able to catch up on some jobs they’d been putting off, like washing, tidying and restocking the kitchen cupboards.

At their request, the TARDIS dropped them off at a supermarket somewhere in the UK to do some food shopping and Yaz grabbed some tins of soup and some more of the tea bags that she just knew the Doctor was pinching from her. 

Graham insisted on cooking that evening and Yaz heated up some soup for the Doctor and made her way back through the winding corridors of the TARDIS to find her. 

She’d managed to change into fleece pajamas and was curled on her side looking a lot more comfortable when Yaz knocked on the door and brought her soup in.

‘You really didn't have to go to all that trouble,’ the Doctor said, looking guilty as she slurped her soup.

‘It takes two minutes to reheat, no trouble at all,’ Yaz told her. ‘You feeling better?’

The Doctor nodded. She had more colour in her cheeks and while she still sounded like her nose was stuffed up with cotton wool her eyes were brighter and she didn't feel as hot.

‘Ryan was on about a film night later this evening, you feeling up for it?’

‘Yes, definitely, being in bed is so boring, it’s like the most boring thing in the world. I literally don’t know how you humans do it all the time,’ the Doctor grumbled, finishing her soup.

‘It’s more fun if you’re in bed with someone else,’ Yaz admitted. Then she realised what she’d said and flushed pink.

‘I agree, it’s more fun now you’re here,’ the Doctor agreed, nodding her head thoughtfully and completely oblivious to the heat spreading through Yaz’s body. She rested her head gently against Yaz’s shoulder and sighed happily.

‘Thanks for looking after me,’ she said quietly. 

‘Thanks for knowing how to get out of chains!’ Yaz countered. ‘I think Graham was about to throw himself in after you and he would definitely have drowned.’

The Doctor laughed, which quickly turned into a cough and Yaz patted her back gently.

‘Urgh,’ she mumbled, turning her head so her face was pressed against Yaz’s shoulder. ‘This  _ sucks.’  _

‘You sound way better than this morning,’ Yaz said, tucking an arm across her shoulder supportively and feeling her heartbeat quicken as the Doctor burrowed her head into her armpit, sighing happily.

‘Were you frightened?’ Yaz asked, quietly. ‘When they dunked you, were you worried you wouldn’t be able to get out?’

‘Nah,’ the Doctor mumbled through the fabric of Yaz’s top. ‘Houdini’s a good teacher. Plus I’ve been in sticky situations before and can’t always rely on the sonic, good to have a back up.’

Yaz, overcome with happiness that her friend was okay and was actively  _ nuzzling  _ her kissed the top of her blond head without thinking. She froze and panicked. Had she crossed a line? Had she made the Doctor uncomfortable? Should she say something?

The Doctor wriggled down until her head was resting on Yaz’s lap and her arms were wrapped around her waist. Yaz cautiously tucked the blanket up over her shoulders and the Doctor snuggled into her. 

‘Lemme know when we’re watching movies,’ she mumbled sleepily. ‘Also, sorry, but you can’t move now, you’re comfy.’

Yaz laughed and gently scratched the Doctor’s head who positively purred in response. She hadn’t felt particularly tired but now, cuddled up with her friend under the duvet with the soft pillows pressing against her head, the exhaustion took hold. She moved slightly so she could hold the Doctor, letting her wriggle her back into her arms and closed her eyes, falling asleep to her friend’s noisy breathing and the steady thump of her hearts against her chest.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WILL update 'can't pack up a u-haul' but had to get this off my chest first :)


	24. can't pack up a u-haul and take it with you when you're gone III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3! Hopefully I did this justice. There's some naughty stuff in it for those of you that wanted it (and let's face it, we all wanted it).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some serious Doctor!whump planned for the next chapter(s). If anyone has a particular situation they want to see the Doctor in please holla at me!

They stayed on the beach until it got dark and then stretched out on the sand, looking up at the stars. The sky was clearer here and it was ablaze with stars and galaxies, comets shooting through space and the three moons glowing above.

‘Ooh there’s Traxia!’ the Doctor exclaimed, pointing at a vague spot in the sky. Ryan tried to follow where she was pointing but there was a billion things she could be gesturing at. ‘Traxia is amazing, I need to take you there. It’s another leisure planet but the  _ whole thing  _ is a geothermal spa. Like the Blue Lagoon in Iceland. Have you been there? I have, it’s amazing. Oh and the one next to it! That’s Traxia’s moon! It’s a hotel! A hotel on the moon, can you imagine? There’s a shuttle ship from the moon to the planet. Oh man I really need to take you there.’

‘That sounds awesome,’ Graham said. ‘Definitely be up for that.’

‘It’s in my ears!’ Yaz complained, still trying to shake the sand from her hair. 

The Doctor smiled apologetically at her, but Yaz could see the twinkle in her eyes that meant she wasn’t sorry. True to her word, Yaz had been buried up to her neck in the sand and it had got  _ everywhere.  _ In her hair, her ears, her eyes, her toes, her clothes. There was nowhere the sand hadn’t permeated. 

Yaz felt a twist in her stomach when the Doctor looked at her. Her bright beautiful face that only hours before had been streaked with tears. The sad look in her eyes and the warmth of her body pressed against her, the hand on her hip as she’d kissed her. Yaz felt a rush flood through her body and she looked away, focusing on the water in front of her and away from the Doctor’s perfectly soft lips. 

The Doctor frowned and scooted closer to Yaz as Ryan and Graham started trying to make shapes out of the constellations. Graham was convinced he could see the Eiffel Tower up there in the sky but Ryan wasn’t having any of it, insistent that the only shape he could see was a duck.

‘Are you mad at me?’ the Doctor whispered once she was sat next to Yaz, so close her hair was brushing against the side of Yaz’s face.

‘I’m not mad,’ Yaz whispered back, keeping an eye on the two men, hoping they weren’t listening.

‘You’re not talking to me. Or looking at me.’

Yaz sighed and looked down at the Doctor’s hand which resting only millimetres from hers. 

‘I’m confused,’ she said quietly. ‘Your wife turns up and you seem really shocked to see her, then she leaves, then you’re really upset about it and then you kiss me and then I tell you I love you in front of my  _ parents  _ and you don’t say anything. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that lipstick mark on your neck.’

The Doctor’s hand flew up to her neck, eyes wide but Yaz shook her head. 

‘I just don’t understand what’s going on,’ she said. ‘I just need you to be honest with me. I need you to tell me how you feel about me.’

She risked a glance up at the Doctor’s face and felt that twist in her gut again. She really is the most beautiful woman Yaz has ever met. Perfect hair, incredible eyes, utterly kissable lips. The Doctor opened her mouth but no sound came out and she closed it again and dropped her gaze. Now it was the Doctor’s turn to look at Yaz’s hand and she stretched out her fingers a little so their fingertips were touching gently in the sand.

‘I don’t know how I feel,’ she said quietly. ‘It’s difficult for me, I don’t feel like this very often. Or I do but not like  _ this.’  _ She gestured between herself and Yaz. ‘You’re just… I can’t…’

She shook her head and looked up at Yaz, green eyes meeting the brown. ‘I just want to kiss you all the time,’ she said quietly. ‘I want to always be with you, always talking to you, but I don’t understand why.’

‘Doctor...’ Yaz said, her features softened and she reached out for her, a hand outstretched to gently cup her face.

‘We heading back, Doc?’ Graham said, turning around suddenly and making Yaz and the Doctor tear away from each other, faces flushing pink and embarrassed.

‘Yeah, I’m knackered, bedtime?’ Ryan said. 

‘Yep, defo, sounds good. Love bedtime, beds are fantastic. Especially duvets. Who invented duvets? Oh wait I know that already. Terence Conran. Well he didn't invent them, he just discovered they were being used in Sweden and started selling them in Britain in 1964. He’s the founder of Habitat too, the more you know. I’m rambling, shut up Doctor.’

She jumped to her feet and started walking off back along the beach towards the pier, leaving her three companions to gawp at her retreating back.

‘What’s gotten into her?’ Ryan said, confused.

* * *

Yaz couldn’t sleep that night. She could hear Ryan and Graham snoring away in the beds next to her but she kept replaying the Doctor’s voice in her head.

_ I just want to kiss you all the time. _

The Doctor wasn’t asleep, she was sure of it. She hardly ever slept and when she did, she snored. Right now she wasn’t making a sound. If Yaz hadn’t been able to hear her gentle breathing she may have thought she was dead. 

Yaz thought of their kiss again and felt an ache deep between her legs that made her flush. She didn't even know if she wanted to do  _ that  _ with the Doctor. She’d realised she liked girls as well as boys when she was in her early teens but, aside from a failed grope that left her feeling embarrassed in year 11, she’d never  _ been  _ with a girl and wasn’t even sure how it would work. 

She heard the Doctor move in the bed next to her and she made her decision, swinging her legs over the side of the bed as silently as she could manage and standing up. She caught the Doctor’s eyes watching her in the gloom and she walked purposefully towards the door, gesturing with her hand for the Doctor to follow her once she was out of the room. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted, wasn’t sure how far she would go, she just had to do something to soothe the pang of her heart and the burning sensation further down. 

The Doctor met her on the balcony, coat-less, t-shirt-less and braces-less, dressed only in her white top and trousers. Yaz was in even less, only her t-shirt covering her. Under any other circumstances she would probably have felt uncomfortable or awkward but for some reason, standing under the stars in front of the Doctor, she’d never felt more confident.

She didn't even give the Doctor a chance to ask what was going on before she’d grabbed her, pressed her up against the wall and started kissing her hard, hands gripping her shoulders as she pushed their bodies together.

She felt the Doctor freeze for a moment before she relaxed and started kissing her back, hands coming to her hips, mouth opening as she positively  _ ravaged  _ Yaz with her tongue. She felt warm and soft under Yaz’s hands and her head swum, knees threatening to buckle beneath her. This was like nothing she could have imagined, like nothing she’d ever experienced. She moved her hands up and tangled them in the Doctor’s hair as the Doctor gripped her firmly around the waist and swapped their positions so it was now Yaz pressed against the wall, helpless to move as the Doctor dropped her mouth to her neck and started tugging at the skin there with her teeth. 

The ache between her legs had turned into a throb and Yaz moaned audibly, gripping the back of the Doctor’s shirt and pulling her back to her mouth, hands dropping down to tug at the bottom of her t-shirt. She isn’t sure what she wants, she only knows that kissing isn’t enough any more. The Doctor is pushing her whole body against hers as her hands stroke at the skin on Yaz’s thighs and Yaz can feel their breasts pushing together, can feel the thundering of the Doctor’s hearts through her skin, can hear the blonde’s moans as they kiss frantically.

She wants more, she wants so much more.

The Doctor’s t-shirt is pulled over her head and discarded in seconds, Yaz’s hands roaming her bare skin, dropping her head down to the Doctor’s shoulder to bite it, planting kisses across her collarbones. 

She realised the Doctor has frozen beneath her hands and her head snaps up to look at her.

‘Are you okay? Am I going too fast? I’m sorry, I should have checked with you first…’

The Doctor pressed her hand gently across her mouth to shut off the rambles and Yaz felt the other lazily stroking the inside of her thigh. Her eyes went wide and she’s embarrassed by the way her hips involuntarily thrust up to meet the Doctor’s hand as she felt the blonde’s fingers move up her chest and under her shirt to stop just below her breast. Yaz isn’t wearing a bra but she isn’t sure the Doctor has noticed.

‘I just want you to be sure,’ the Doctor said softly. ‘Cause I am, but I want you to be.’

She removed her hand from Yaz’s mouth and Yaz kissed her before she had the chance to say anything else, moving her hands to the back of the Doctor’s bra, gently unhooking the clasp.

‘I am sure,’ she whispered quietly, sliding the offending item off the Doctor’s shoulders and discarding it on the floor with her t-shirt. 

The Doctor kissed her again, hard, and Yaz moaned as her hands slid further up under her t-shirt to cup her breasts. Her hands are warm and she bit at Yaz’s lower lip, tweaking her nipples gently.

In a way, Yaz is glad that she’s pressed up against the wall, she isn’t sure she could stand without support. The throb between her legs is deafening, drowning out everything else and Yaz grabbed one of the Doctor’s hands and slid it down her stomach in a silent plea. She took the hint and dropped to her knees, tugging Yaz’s pants down and over her legs, burying her face between her thighs.

Yaz shouted, loudly, immediately clapping a hand over her mouth, the other gripping the Doctor’s hair tightly as her soft mouth and clever tongue made mincemeat of her. 

Yaz’s head dropped back against the wall and she shut her eyes. She thinks of the men who have done this to her before, sloppy and awkward and not in the least bit satisfying. The Doctor is nothing like them, every move she makes is calculated and Yaz almost cried out when she slides two fingers inside her and starts gently pumping. She can feel the pressure building and she moaned, unable to keep it in, tugging as hard as she dares at the Doctor’s hair, willing her to go faster, harder, firmer.

The release is like nothing she’s ever felt before and Yaz’s knees actually do buckle. If it wasn’t for the Doctor’s hands on her hips she would probably have fallen awkwardly to the floor. 

The Doctor looked up at her, eyes bright, a smirk on her lips that tells Yaz she knows  _ exactly  _ how good she is. 

Yaz sank slowly to the floor and the Doctor brought her legs up either side of her hips, leaning in to kiss her.

‘Better?’ she whispered in her ear.

Yaz gripped the Doctor’s arm and buried her head into her shoulder in response, the aftershocks sending tingles through her body.

‘Come on, back to bed,’ the Doctor said, gently helping her to stand.

‘Wait, what about you?’ Yaz asked.

‘Don’t you worry about me,’ the Doctor said, tugging her bra and t-shirt back on. ‘This was for you.’

Ryan and Graham were still asleep and snoring away when they snuck back into the room and Yaz made a beeline for the Doctor’s bed, suddenly feeling exhausted. The Doctor slid in beside her and wrapped her arms around Yaz’s waist, lightly resting her head against her shoulder. 

Yaz fell asleep in seconds.

* * *

The Doctor had gone when Yaz woke up the next morning, Ryan and Graham still asleep in bed. The sun had risen outside and the sunshine was shining through the window but it felt early. Yaz got out of bed quickly and showered, winching when she saw the hickeys that had been left on her body. She felt another pang of desire as the warm water cascaded down her skin, unable to keep the images of the Doctor between her legs out of her mind. It almost felt like a dream, and she would probably have suspected it was one if it wasn’t for the marks left on her body and the taste of the Doctor’s lips on her tongue.

Fortunately, her clothes covered the marks and Yaz looked more presentable when she exited the shower, her mind clearer and her heart full. Ryan was awake and was sat on the edge of the bed rubbing his eyes sleepily. He was grumpy when he’d just woken up, Yaz had learnt. 

‘Morning,’ he mumbled. ‘You’re up early.’

‘Sun woke me up,’ Yaz said, perhaps necessarily nodding at the window. ‘Do you reckon the TARDIS will be working today?’

‘Dunno, maybe, guess we’ll find out,’ Ryan said, standing up and yawning. He paused at the entrance to the bathroom, one hand on the door handle and for a horrible second Yaz thought he knew what she and the Doctor had been up to last night.

‘You’re not leaving?’ he asked, and Yaz frowned.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘It’s just… your parents, they seem determined to get you to come back home.’

Yaz shook her head. She couldn’t leave now, even if her parents threatened to disown her she wouldn’t leave. Last night had felt so right. Being pinned against the wall and kissed by the Doctor had felt so good and she wasn’t willing to give that up, not when the promise of  _ more  _ hung in the air. More time with the Doctor, more time exploring the universe, more time exploring whatever  _ this  _ was that hung between the two of them. 

‘I’m not going home,’ Yaz said, firmly.

Ryan nodded. ‘Good. Also, I totally know you and the Doctor snuck out last night. Really don’t care what you got up to and  _ reaaaally  _ don’t want to know but I caught you snuggling this morning and it was hella cute. So whatever weird chemistry thing was happening between the two of you, I’m glad you finally acted on it.’

He winked at her and stepped into the shower, leaving Yaz to stare after him with her mouth hanging open.

* * *

The Doctor was back on the veranda with a glass of pineapple juice in front of her, head tipped back, sunlight catching the blond of her hair, basking in the early morning warmth.

She jumped up when Yaz came over and gently cradled her face in her hands, kissing her with such tenderness that Yaz wanted to melt into her arms. 

‘That’s in case you thought I had second thoughts,’ the Doctor mumbled into her skin. ‘I don’t.’

‘Good,’ Yaz said, fingers wrapped around the Doctor’s wrists, keeping her hands pressed gently against her face. ‘Cause I don’t either.’

‘Good.’ The Doctor grinned and sat down, pulling Yaz into the chair next to her. ‘TARDIS is happier this morning, ready to take off whenever your parents get up.’

‘That’ll be fun,’ Yaz said, thinking back to her disastrous declaration of love last night. Although look where it had ended up, maybe not so disastrous after all.

‘Morning,’ Ryan said, sitting down opposite them and picking up the menu. ‘You two are looking radiant this morning.’

‘Aw, thanks Ryan!’ the Doctor said happily. ‘You’re never this nice this early in the morning.’

‘Charming! I can be, gotta be in the right mood though. We leaving today?’ 

‘Yep, TARDIS is ready to go. What shall we do today?’ the Doctor was practically bouncing on her seat as she reeled off possibilities. ‘Skiing on Mount Everest? Anti-gravity swimming on Epsily? Cake baking with Mary Berry?’

‘I fancy that geothermal spa thing you mentioned last night,’ Ryan said. ‘With the moon that’s a hotel.’

‘Traxia! Yes, amazing idea. You can get fired out of a geyser too, it’s great fun. Brilliant for your skin.’

‘Heads up,’ Graham said, sliding into the seat next to Ryan. ‘Your family is on the way over.’

The Doctor turned to Yaz. ‘What do you want to tell them?’ she asked, nervously.

‘That I’m staying with you and they can do what they want,’ Yaz said. ‘I don’t care if they disown me or they hate me or they shout and scream at me. I’m not leaving.’

‘Why would they disown you?’ Graham asked. ‘They seem like reasonable, nice people.’

‘It’s difficult,’ Yaz said, squirming slightly. She glanced up at the Doctor and then down at her lap. ‘I’ve told you that I like men and women, right?’

‘Yeah, when we thought we were all going to die under Mount Etna,’ Ryan said. 

‘Which I apologised for,’ the Doctor mumbled grumpily, taking another sip of her drink.

‘Well, my family know. Or at least I think they do, mum certainly knows. It’s just… it’s not really tolerated among Muslims, or it is for some families but not all. My parents love me, I know that. I’m just not sure how they’d react if I actually started dating a woman.’

‘Are you planning on it?’ Graham asked. ‘Do they view the Doctor as your girlfriend or something?’

Yaz and the Doctor were suddenly very busy looking anywhere but at each other. Graham’s mouth fell open.

‘No…’ he said slowly. ‘Did you two…? Are you guys….?’ he burst out laughing and slapped Ryan on the back. ‘Bloody called it didn't I, son!’

‘Yeah, well done,’ Ryan mumbled. ‘You’re practically clairvoyant.’

‘Ta very much!’ Yaz protested when Ryan passed Graham a fiver. ‘Breakfast is on you then!’

‘We ready to go?’ Najia asked, walking over to their table with Sonya and Hakim. ‘I’d rather not stay for breakfast, if it’s all the same to you.’

‘Of course,’ the Doctor said, standing up. ‘The TARDIS should be happier now, gotten over her sulk. It must be difficult being a living consciousness stuck inside a blue box with my bad piloting. Bless her.’

Graham recognised the Doctor’s nervous rambling and took over before it escalated, asking Najia and Hakim how they’d slept and what they thought of the planet.

Sonya raised an eyebrow at Yaz and she blushed. 

‘I thought so,’ her younger sister muttered, turning back to her phone and looking smug. 

* * *

Fortunately, the TARDIS landed then smoothly back in Sheffield without any detours or turbulence and Yaz’s family practically flew off the ship. Graham and Ryan both started to head off to the house to grab some more clothes, leaving Sonya loitering to give the Doctor a fistbump.

‘You be good to my sister,’ she told her. ‘She may be a smart-ass, know-it-all pain in the butt but she’s the only one I’ve got.’

‘Don’t you worry,’ the Doctor said. ‘She’s in safe hands.’

‘Judging from the bruises on her wrists I doubt that,’ Sonya said. ‘Go gentle on her, she’s a delicate flower.’

The Doctor flushed and Yaz looked down at her hands. The purple bruises on her wrists were small and Yaz thought back to the Doctor pinning her against the wall. She’d been so into it that she hadn’t even noticed the pressure on her wrists was too tight. Or maybe not tight enough.

‘Last chance,’ Najia said when Yaz went outside to stay goodbye. ‘You get back in that box and I’m not sure what will happen. This is your last chance to come home and be safe with us. With your family.’

Yaz felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes but she blinked them away. ‘They’re my family too,’ she whispered. ‘I need more time with them, more time seeing the universe.’

Najia nodded and reached out, squeezing her daughter’s hand. ‘I just want you to be happy,’ she said quietly. ‘That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t want you to get you heart broken and that woman? She will smash it into smithereens.’

‘Then that’s my choice,’ Yaz said. ‘But right now, right at this second, I can’t leave.’

Najia nodded and let go of Yaz’s hand, her father laying a hand on her shoulder. ‘Just be careful,’ he said. ‘If you won’t come home with us, be careful.’

Yaz nodded and Hakim turned to the Doctor, who was standing awkwardly just inside the blue box, looking like she was ready to make a dash for it.

‘That’s my daughter you’ve got there,’ Hakim told her. ‘My little girl. My first-born.’

The Doctor nodded seriously. ‘I won’t forget it,’ she said quietly.

Hakim took his wife’s hand, gave Yaz’s shoulder one last squeeze, and turned and walked away, back towards the block of flats.

Yaz stood and watched until she couldn’t see them anymore and only moved when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. 

‘You could stay here for a bit, if you needed to,’ the Doctor said softly. ‘I could come and pick you up, it wouldn’t be a problem.’

Yaz kissed the Doctor gently on the corner of her mouth. 

‘You said that last night was for me, well now it’s my turn and I want to repay the favour.’

The Doctor’s eyes went black and she swallowed, audibly.

‘And I want there to be a bed this time,’ Yaz added.

‘That can be arranged.’

‘And handcuffs.’

‘Yep, got those too.’

‘And, Doctor?’

‘Yes, Yaz?’

Yaz leaned up on her tiptoes and whispered softly into the Time Lord’s ear:

_ ‘Bring the fez.’  _

  
  
  



	25. legend, it's exodus, searching for euphoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting injured, the Doctor uses some of her regeneration energy to save Yaz. She gets noticed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first off, thank you sooooooo much for everyone who's been leaving comments and kudos ^_^ it honestly means the world to me! you guys are so nice!
> 
> Also thank you for everyone who volunteered their Doctor!whump suggestions! I'm working my way through and they'll be up soon :) Couldn't resist whumping Yaz again first though.

A stray bullet had spoilt an absolutely perfect day. 

The annual Lightbringer Festival on the planet of Grundo was incredible. Stalls selling food and souvenirs, quantum roller-coasters that flung you into other dimensions, a carousel that projected an incredible mirror maze as it rotated. Graham had been more than happy to simply sit on the painted wooden horse enjoying the illusion as Yaz, Ryan and the Doctor went on the roller-coaster for the fifth time. He could hear them screaming in the distance and he happily took a bite of his candyfloss. Even on an alien planet light-years away from Earth, there was still candyfloss.

The light show was fireworks really, but like no fireworks he’d ever seen. Brilliant flashes of colour brightening up the sky, spiralling up into space. Catherine Wheels that spun through the air, rockets that looked like spiral galaxies when they exploded and bright lights that shone down over them. It was incredible, absolutely beautiful.

The Doctor and Yaz were lying on the giant fluffy duck that Yaz had won on the shooting range and Ryan was slurping at yet another toffee apple smoothie. After the mayhem and drama of their last few adventures this was absolutely perfect, a chance to breathe and relax and take stock of the amazing things around them.

And then the Ralaxian couple next to them had gotten into a fight and one had pulled a gun on the other, two men squaring off against each other, spitting insults and gearing themselves up for a fight.

The Doctor had immediately jumped up to try and reason with them. She’d almost succeeded too, the Ralaxian with the gun dropping it back down to his side. Except then, like an idiot, the other man had spat one last comment at him and he’d raised the gun and fired it.

For a terrible second, Graham thought he’d hit the Doctor, then came a scream from behind her and he realised he’d actually hit Yaz.

‘Oh my god!’

Ryan was at her side in an instant, gripping her arms tightly, flailing uselessly as he tried to work out what to do. 

Yaz had her hand pressed against her eye and blood was seeping through her fingers. Her other eye was filled with tears and her mouth was open in a silent scream of anguish.

‘Yaz, no, no, no…’

The Doctor didn't seem to know what to do either, gripping the back of Yaz’s neck as she tried to assess the damage. The two Ralaxians both sprinted off, panicking, leaving the gun smoking in the grass. 

‘Oh god, what do we do?’ Graham yelped. Ryan had Yaz’s shoulders and the Doctor was murmuring softly into her ear so he grabbed her leg instead, desperate to show, in some way, that he was there for her. That they were all there for her.

‘The bullet went into her eye but it didn't go any further,’ the Doctor said, looking at the readout on her sonic screwdriver. ‘But that’s good, it’s not a real bullet it’s more like Star Trek with the phasers, it means I haven’t got to worry about trying to get it out again.’

‘And that helps us  _ how,  _ exactly?’ Ryan said as Yaz gripped his hand tightly. ‘She’s in agony! Is she going to be blind in one eye now?’

‘No,’ the Doctor said, quietly, dangerously. ‘Absolutely not.’

She rubbed her hands together gently and a faint golden glow started to emanate through her skin.

‘You’ve done that before,’ Ryan said, staring as her hands started to blaze with the light. ‘When we first met, when you fainted.’

‘Regeneration energy,’ the Doctor said. ‘Probably shouldn’t do this, god knows I’ve wasted enough of it. But it’s  _ Yaz.  _ Move your hands, Ryan. You too, Graham. Yaz - this isn’t going to hurt, promise.’

She gently moved Yaz’s blood soaked hand away from her eye and Ryan gagged, unable to stop himself. Her eye was gone, only a red, angry burn that had scarred her weeping, bleeding face remained. A hole in the socket where her eye used to be. Some soft liquid that Ryan  _ really  _ hoped wasn’t what was left of her eyeball dripped down her cheek and Yaz cried out in pain.

‘It’s alright, Yaz,’ the Doctor said, smiling softly at her. ‘Ryan, hold her hand.’

Ryan could feel the  _ bzzt  _ of the energy flowing through the Doctor’s hands as she carefully pressed them on either side of Yaz’s head, a rich golden glow transferring from her fingertips to Yaz’s eye, soft tendrils of light escaping into the air and climbing higher and higher into space.

Graham became aware of the crowd that had gathered around them, staring. He heard someone whisper behind him in awe and amazement:

‘She’s a  _ Time Lord.  _ I thought they were all dead?’

That in itself was more information than the Doctor had ever offered them about who she was, and Graham noted the rapture on the faces of the some of the aliens as they stared at the Doctor.

She didn't seem to notice, concentrating on Yaz, and Graham saw her eye gently starting to reform until it was back where it had been, no damage, the iris glinting golden for a second before fading away.

The Doctor pulled her hands away and for a second he thought she was going to pitch forward. Ryan clearly thought so too as he reached out his spare hand as if to catch her but she straightened up and gently lifted Yaz’s chin so she could inspect her eye, the golden glow faded from her skin.

‘Better?’

Yaz gingerly lifted her hand to touch her eye, her face the picture of shock. ‘It feels normal,’ she said. ‘It doesn’t hurt, I can see!’

She broke into a grin and Ryan smiled too. The Doctor looked exhausted but she’d suddenly noticed all the people gathered around her and she started to look worried.

‘We should leave,’ she said quietly. ‘I doubt all of these people have completely honest intentions.’

Ryan helped Yaz to stand as Graham offered a hand to the Doctor. She shook it off and rose carefully to her feet, giving Graham the impression that she was trying  _ really hard  _ to not show how exhausted she was. He sought some of the faces of the aliens around them, some smirking, some twisting their mouths into a grimace, some talking quietly to each other and pulling out small handheld devices.

‘What are they doing?’ Graham asked her once they’d broken out of the group of people and were striding back quickly towards the familiar blue box. ‘What do they want?’

‘Me, the TARDIS, both, nothing good,’ the Doctor muttered, hurrying them along.

Then she fell, landing heavily with both hands on the ground.

Small groups of aliens from the crowd started to break away and came racing towards them.

‘Run!’ the Doctor yelled as Graham pulled her up and started to sprint with her across the field, Yaz and Ryan running ahead.

‘Stupid, so stupid. I should have waited until we were back in the TARDIS,’ the Doctor panted as they ran faster, the aliens behind getting closer and closer.

The TARDIS wasn’t far and the doors flew open before they’d reached it, allowing them to fall inside, the Doctor already sprinting to the controls and throwing them into the Time Vortex, safely away from the planet.

‘What was that?’ Ryan cried. ‘Why were they chasing us?’

‘My fault,’ the Doctor said, bending forwards with her hands on her knees. ‘I should have taken care of Yaz in the TARDIS, not out in the open like that.’

‘What did they want?’ Yaz asked.

‘Me!’ the Doctor said, looking up at her. ‘Regeneration energy, the TARDIS, they probably wanted to dissect me.’

She looked grey and she stumbled slightly, gripping the console tightly.

‘Doc, are you alright?’ Graham asked, stepping forward and holding out a hand in case she fell. ‘Cause you look like you’re about to collapse.’

‘I think I am,’ the Doctor said, looking at the controls. ‘It’s fine, I just need a nap. Really takes it out of you. We’re safe now, they can’t chase us in here.’

She straightened up and strode over to Yaz, flinging her arms around her tightly. Yaz looked slightly taken aback but she returned the hug, looking at Ryan and Graham confused over the Doctor’s shoulder. 

‘I’m really sorry, Yaz,’ the Doctor mumbled into her ear. She staggered and fell, landed on the floor, almost dragging Yaz down with her.

‘Just need a nap, yeah?’ Graham said, the Doctor nodding tiredly. ‘Right, come on then. Ryan, you grab her other arm.’

The two men pulled her to her feet and helped her walk through the TARDIS console room, the ship beeping and humming its concern, lighting the way for them to find her bedroom. 

The Doctor straightened once she got to the door and turned to look at her friends, one hand on the doorknob.

‘Don’t give me that look, Doc,’ Graham said, sternly. ‘Not your fault, no-one’s mad at you. Go and have a nap before you pass out you daft old thing.’

‘Then we can go find some more of those roller-coasters, cause I want another go,’ Yaz said, and the Doctor smiled and stepped into her room, closing the door gently behind her. 


	26. you know that we been going in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a prompt from Madame_de_Garderobe who wanted an alternative situation where the Doctor didn't escape her chains in the lake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't really sure how to do this cause I had an idea in my mind but it was kind of ruined by the whole turn-into-a-Morax situation. So for the purposes of this story, Mistress Savage turns into a Morax the day after :)
> 
> Also the song lyric kiiiiind of works? If you squint? Cause Yaz and Ryan 'went in' to the river? I dunno. Whatever.

The panic kicks in when her ankle refuses to slip out of the chains clamped around it. 

Her wrists and arms were easy, it definitely helped that she’s slimmer this time around, she didn't even need to break her wrist to wriggle free of it. It wasn’t until she kicked up towards the surface that she was pulled back down, the chain around her ankle digging painfully into her skin. 

She didn't panic to start with. She still had plenty on air left, her respiratory bypass system had kicked in the second she’d been plunged into the cold water and she guessed she had a couple more minutes before she’d need to breathe. 

She tried to worm her fingers inside the shackle, applying as much pressure as she could against the join but it didn't even wiggle. She felt for a weak leak in the chain but there wasn’t one. She gave it a good old-fashioned tug but it didn't give and she only succeeded in damaging her ankle further, wincing as she felt the metal cut into her skin. Whoever had designed these chains really hadn’t wanted them to come off.

It really didn't help that she couldn’t see. The water was muddy and filthy and her desperate movements at the bottom of the lake was only succeeding in kicking up more mud to add to the filthy brown swirl around her.

_ Why. Won’t. You. Move. _

She tried again, desperate to free herself. She could feel her lungs beginning to burn and her hearts started to beat a little quicker. She debated kicking off her boot and breaking her ankle but the shackle was so tight it still wouldn’t have slid off her foot. 

_ Think. What would Houdini do?  _

But Houdini was only human and a stubborn chain was a stubborn chain. 

_ Think. Running out of air. Think. Urgh wish I had the sonic! _

She pulled at the link as hard as she could, the metal cutting deep into her hands. Even with her extra strength the shackle didn't break and she ground her teeth. The poor women accused of witchcraft really did have no chance, they were never going to escape.

_ Pull me up! Surely I’d have drowned by now? _

But the stool didn't move and the Doctor realised she was out of time. Lungs burning, hearts thundering against her chest, she closed her eyes tightly, searching for the TARDIS in her mind, feeling that reassuring nudge and flood of warmth in her chest as she connected with her ship. 

_ Get them home. _

 

* * *

 

Yaz had had enough. King James wasn’t going to pull her up and it had been too long already. Time Lord or not, she was going to drown. 

Yaz snatched the sonic screwdriver out of the king’s hand and Ryan realised what she was about to do.

‘Wait,’ he said, tugging his coat off and shoving it into Graham’s hands. ‘I’m coming with you.’

‘Be careful you two,’ Graham said as the crowd roared from behind them.

‘Don’t you dare interfere!’ Mistress Savage screamed at them, but it was too late. They’d jumped into the freezing cold water and were swimming desperately down towards the murky depths of the lake.

Yaz couldn’t see, she tried to open her eyes but the dirt stung and she closed them again, reaching out with her hands, praying she was heading in the right direction.

Her searching fingers found an arm and she desperately gripped it, pulling herself towards it and forcing her eyes open. She could just about make out Ryan next to her but she couldn’t see the Doctor’s face, couldn’t even confirm it was definitely her. Who knows how many bodies were drowned down here? She waited to feel the Doctor’s hands on hers, waited for the reassurance that it was all just a joke, that the Doctor wouldn’t  _ really  _ let herself drown and she’d just been holding her breath to teach King James a lesson, but she didn't move. 

She felt Ryan beside her and they grabbed an arm each, kicking up towards the surface.

Something pulled and the Doctor slipped through their arms.

Yaz frantically started patting her down, trying to find what was keeping her anchored to the riverbed. With her eyes closed it was almost impossible and her lungs were beginning to burn for air as she ran her hands over the Doctor’s arms, hands and waist, searching for that last chain that was preventing them from rescuing her.

She knew Ryan had found it when he grabbed her hand and placed it over the Doctor’s leg. She felt the shackle firmly attached to her ankle and she fumbled with the sonic, knowing that if she dropped it she had no chance of finding it again, or freeing her friend.

_ Does it even work underwater? _

The shackle fell from the Doctor’s leg and Yaz and Ryan gripped her tightly, kicking up towards the surface, pulling their friend with them.

Their heads broke the surface to the roar and scream of the crowd at the riverbank and they hoisted the Doctor up as high as they could so her head was above the water. She was suddenly so much heavier to pull through the lake and Yaz was grateful that she’d had lifesaving skills as part of her police training, leaning the Doctor over her shoulder as she struggled through the water, Ryan beside her.

‘She was innocent!’

That was King James, and Yaz could hear the distress in his voice.

‘Yaz! Ryan!’

Graham waded into the water and reached out his hand to grab the back of the Doctor’s shirt, hauling her off Yaz and up onto the shore.

‘Is she dead?’ Willa cried, tears streaming down her face.

Yaz wanted to scream. The answer to that question was so  _ heartbreakingly obvious.  _ She looked up at King James and he actually backed away, frightened by the expression on her face.

_ You’ve murdered your only chance, you’ve murdered the brightest light in the galaxy, you’re murdered my best friend. _

She was aware of Graham and Ryan leaning over their drowned friend, fingers pressed to her wrists and neck, shaking her shoulders, yelling her name.

Yaz realised that a small part of her thought that, as long as they got her out of the water, she’d be okay. She’s now realised that wasn’t true and she isn’t sure how she can bare the pain in the chest, the burning sensation in her eyes, the tight, gripping  _ agony  _ that clutches at her heart.

She dropped down onto the Doctor’s body, head pressed against her chest, clutching tightly at her arms. Her head felt like it was full of white noise, she can’t hear Graham and Ryan anymore, can’t hear King James or Mistress Savage, can’t hear the footsteps of the crowd in the mud as they walk away, silent now their bloodlust has been sated. 

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and tried to breath slowly. She wanted to scream, to yell and kick and  _ hurt  _ someone. The rage in her body is everywhere, consuming her and she’s glad that Ryan and Graham aren’t trying to comfort her. They’re all just sat there in the mud with their friend, unable to believe that someone  _ so alive  _ can really be gone.

Then she hears it. 

Quiet, distant, barely discernible and so weak but definitely there.

A heartbeat.

‘She’s not dead,’ Yaz whispered. She shot upright and grabbed hold of Ryan’s arm. ‘She’s not dead! I can hear her heart beating!’

Graham and Ryan, who can’t find a pulse for love nor money, double check with their heads pressed firmly against the Doctor’s chest until they’re both satisfied that they too can hear the quiet beat of life.

‘We need to get her out of here, somewhere we can warm her up,’ Graham said, already looking around. The villagers have gone and it was only Willa that was left, wringing her hands, face pale and panicked.

‘I have somewhere we can go,’ Willa said. ‘They know she’s innocent now, they won’t come after her. Are you sure she’s alive? She looks so…’

Yaz didn’t want Willa to finish the end of that sentence and she reached up, gripping her hand tightly. ‘Action first, questions after, help me lift her.’

Ryan hoisted her up with his arms under hers and Graham and Yaz took a leg each as they awkwardly carried her through the mud and back towards the village. Yaz was starting to realise how cold she was, the water seeping into her clothes. Her teeth had started chattering and her toes and fingers were numb. She spotted the cuts on the Doctor’s hands and on her ankle, signs of her desperate struggle to escape. 

It was warmer in Willa’s hut and Willa immediately set to work getting the fire started while Yaz and Ryan peeled the Doctor’s wet clothes off her, wrapping her in blankets. Willa found some spare clothes for Yaz and Ryan and they gratefully changed into warmer, dryer outfits, leaving their wet things over chairs and tables to dry. 

The Doctor was lying in front of the fire swamped in blankets with Graham’s scarf tucked underneath her head for a pillow, her three friends sitting around her and warming themselves from the heat radiating from the grate. Yaz had her head pressed against the Doctor’s chest again and she lit up, smacking Ryan excitedly in the arm. 

‘I can hear her other heart beating! They’re both at it now!’

‘Wait, her  _ other  _ heart?’ Willa said, looking shocked.

‘Figure of speech,’ Yaz said, panicking. ‘She’s only got one heart. Obviously. Who has two? That would be weird, and excessive.’

‘She’s looking better,’ Graham said, noting the colour slowly returning to her cheeks. They could hear her breathing, albeit noisily, and could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest.

‘Is she doing that Time Lord thing?’ Ryan asked, when Willa was out of earshot. ‘That thing were she has a nap and is then all better?’

‘I hope so,’ Yaz said. ‘Unless you know how to fly the TARDIS?’

Willa made them soup for dinner and they went to bed as soon as they’d eaten. There was only the one bed in the room which Yaz insisted Willa sleep on so she could keep the Doctor closer to the fire, the other three humans perfectly happy to sleep on the floor.

‘What about her?’ Willa asked, indicating their unconscious friend. ‘Shouldn’t we make her more comfortable?’

‘Trust me, she sleeps anywhere.’ Graham told her. ‘The floor, a chair, the table, the stairs, standing up. Literally the most uncomfortable surface you can picture, she will nap on. Your floor is probably the equivalent of a five-star hotel right now.’

‘A what?’ Willa asked, confused.

‘A place fit for a king,’ Ryan said. 

Graham fell asleep pretty quickly, as did Willa, but Yaz and Ryan stayed around the Doctor who was starting to show signs of waking up. Yaz had the Doctor’s head resting on her lap in case she jumped awake and whacked her head on the floor, as had happened before, and Ryan had put another log on the fire, gently coaxing it back into life.

The Doctor mumbled something and Yaz bent down closer to her.

‘You alright?’ she whispered. 

‘Yaz?’

When she pulled her head away she saw that the Doctor’s eyes were opening, the glassy green orbs struggling to find her face.

‘It’s alright,’ Yaz said softly, gently dropping a hand down to rest on her shoulder. ‘We’re here, you’re safe.’

‘Are you warm enough?’ Ryan asked, coming to sit at her side as the Doctor struggled to sit up.

‘Yeah, really toasty, where am I?’

‘We’re in Willa’s house,’ Yaz said. ‘It’s nighttime. Stop trying to move just get your bearings, you’re wriggling like a drunk person.’

‘I feel it,’ the Doctor mumbled, eyes closing again. 

Then they snapped opened and fixed on Yaz’s. ‘How did I get out of the water?’ she asked. ‘My ankle got stuck, I couldn’t get out of it.’

‘Yeah you did a right number on yourself there,’ Ryan said. ‘Luckily we’re in the local healer’s house, Willa had some spare bandages and things.’

‘We got you out,’ Yaz said. ‘Me and Ryan, we jumped in and got you.’

The Doctor looked slightly taken aback and Yaz gave her a gentle smack on the arm. 

‘Don’t look so surprised! We’re pretty badass, me and Ryan,’ she shot Ryan a smug grin.

‘Can I sit up?’ the Doctor asked, looking up at Yaz.

‘Sure, just go slow, okay?’

They very carefully assisted her in sitting up, Yaz holding onto the blankets in case they fell down. It wasn’t until the Doctor spotted her clothes hanging over the back of the chair that she peeked underneath her blankets.

‘I didn't look,’ Ryan said immediately, looking up at the ceiling.

‘We wanted to get you out of your wet stuff,’ Yaz explained. ‘We saved you some soup for dinner, can you warm it up, Ryan?’

Whilst Ryan was hooking the small cooking pot back over the fire, Yaz helped the Doctor get settled against the wall of the hut, Graham waking up and sitting down with them.

‘You alright, Doc? Gave us a bit of a scare there.’

‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ the Doctor replied, unwinding the bandage on her hand to display perfectly smooth skin.

_ ‘What?’  _

‘Maybe you are a witch,’ Graham said, staring.

‘I keep telling you, Graham! Everything’s better after you have a nap. And a cup of tea. I love tea.’

The gash on her ankle was also healed and the Doctor quickly put her (now dry) clothes back on while her three friends politely averted their eyes. She sat back down with them, wrapping the blanket back around her and tucking into her soup.

‘Why are you lot still awake, it’s three in the morning!’ she said, suddenly noticed the darkness outside the window.

‘How can you just  _ tell _ what time it is?’ Graham asked.

The Doctor gave him a look.

‘We wanted to stay up, make sure you were alright,’ Yaz said, and the Doctor’s face softened.

‘I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me. Go back to sleep, lots to do in the morning.’

Yaz and Ryan both settled on either side of the Doctor, tucking themselves under her blankets and she chuckled.

‘Oh okay, I see how it is.’

‘You’re warm, ssh,’ Ryan said, dropping his head back against the wall and getting comfy. ‘Also we gave you literally all the blankets so…’

‘And I just fancy a cuddle,’ Yaz said, tucking herself under the Doctor’s arm.

‘Aw. You can have a cuddle too, Ryan, if you’re not too grown up.’

Graham laughed at the expression on Ryan’s face. Just as the three of them were nodding off the Doctor spoke up again. 

‘Also, thanks for rescuing me. Like, really. Thank you. I was in a bit of a sticky situation there.’

‘You’d do it for us,’ Yaz mumbled sleepily. 

‘Plus we don’t know how to fly the TARDIS,’ Graham said. 

The Doctor remembered that gentle hum in her mind when she was under the water, the warmth that had spread through her body as the TARDIS reached out to her.

‘Don’t worry,’ she said quietly. ‘If anything ever happens to me you don’t need to worry. The TARDIS will  _ always  _ take you home.’

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the prompts! I am working my way through :)


	27. when I open my eyes, hope I see you shine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update this! I'm working on a longer chapter but I'm not completely happy with it yet so here's a little one to prove I haven't given up on this fic :)

Ryan blamed himself. 

The Doctor didn't have many rules and the few she did have she’d usually broken in about five minutes. Such as ‘don’t interfere in history.’ Those immortal words uttered shortly before marrying Yaz’s grandmother and diving into a lake to rescue a woman she’d never met before, just because the woman’s granddaughter was crying. 

The other rule which the Doctor held in high esteem was ‘don’t wander off.’ This was almost on the same level as ‘don’t touch the TARDIS controls,’ although Ryan had noticed that Yaz was allowed to flick the occasional switch. 

He’d really screwed up on this occasion though.

Ryan had wanted to know if Robot Wars was a thing on other planets, so the Doctor had taken them to Metalix Major; a planet dedicated to robot wrestling and all forms of robotic sport. She abhorred violence, but didn't seem to mind when the creatures fighting each other were controlled by controls and weren’t sentient, or even aware that they  _ were  _ robots. 

After drinking a litre of pop cola over the course of an hour, Ryan had found himself needing the bathroom. The Doctor had told them all, explicitly,  _ don’t wander off,  _ but Ryan was sure he knew where the bathroom was and the Doctor was excitedly explaining the principles of robotics to Graham and Yaz (who looked like they weren’t following a word she was saying), so he’d snuck off by himself. He knew where the bathroom was, he was a grown man, he didn't need the Doctor to walk him there.

Except he’d set the intruder alarms off when he’d opened the wrong door and had found himself pursued by a pack of robot dogs. 

Thankfully, his screams for help had alerted his three friends to his predicament and the Doctor had caught up with him, ushering her fam through the back passages and down long, dark corridors to get outside. The robotic arena was in one humongous warehouse but she’d seemed to know where she was going and soon they were heading towards the exit and back outside to the TARDIS, the heavy metal door already rising upwards, the sun and the grass outside in sight.

Then Ryan had fallen and the dogs had been upon him.

The Doctor had sprinted back instantly, hauling him to his feet and pointing her sonic at the dogs to get them off. They moved backwards, whining metallically as the Doctor kept her sonic on them.

Except that meant she wasn’t pointing it at the door to keep it open and it was starting to lower again. Graham and Yaz were already on the other side and were urging them onward, the groan of the door getting louder as they raced towards it. The Doctor had thrown Ryan to the ground and he’d scrambled underneath it before she’d tried to do the same. She was smaller now, and even with the gap closing fast she was sure she could make it.

And she almost had.

She’d thrown herself to the ground, wriggling frantically under the rapidly lowering door, Graham and Yaz already reaching down to her to grab her arms and pull her to her feet.

Then the door had slammed shut on her lower leg and she’d screamed as the bone had snapped. Yaz had tried to keep her calm while Graham wrestled the sonic from her fists, screwed tightly in agony, opening the door and dragging her out, the robot dogs taking one of her boots in the process. 

‘Oh god, Doctor…’

Ryan had stood with his hand over his mouth as Yaz and Graham had got her to her feet, well, foot, all her weight leaning heavily between the two of them, face set and gritting her teeth in pain. Her leg was bent at an awful angle and Ryan had felt guilt wash over him as she’d stumbled and yelped her way back to the TARDIS, crying out in agony. This was all his fault. He hadn’t listened, he hadn’t been fast enough, and now his friend was hurt.

Fortunately, Mabli on Resus One had been glad to see them again and had got the Doctor’s leg fixed up, though she insisted the Doctor keep her weight off it for the next few days, giving her a heavy brace to wear. She’d also given the Doctor strong painkillers that had reduced her to a giggling wreck for two hours before finally falling asleep with her head on Graham’s lap on the TARDIS sofa, leg elevated and up on Yaz’s legs, lying across the three of them and snoring softly.

‘I feel  _ so  _ bad,’ Ryan said, fidgeting anxiously. He was in-between Graham and Yaz and had the Doctor’s back on his legs, holding her hand tightly. He could feel something that felt suspiciously like the sonic screwdriver digging into his thigh but didn't want to move her and risk waking her up. 

‘I’m not surprised!’ Graham said, one hand absently dropping down to stroke the Doctor’s hair. ‘Maybe now you’ll listen when she says don’t wander off!’

‘Do you think she’s mad at me?’ Ryan asked. He knew that he didn't deserve to travel with them and see all this amazing stuff. He was sure the Doctor would be just as happy if he wasn’t here.

‘Wouldn’t,’ the Doctor mumbled sleepily, eyes still shut.

‘What’s that, Doc?’ Graham asked, but she’d started snoring again.

‘She’s probably just glad you’re safe,’ Yaz said, ever the voice of reason. ‘You should have seen how fast she sprinted off when we heard you yell.’

‘You don’t think she’s going to throw me off the TARDIS, do you?’ Ryan asked. 

‘Course not, don’t be daft,’ Yaz said. ‘I think you’d have to do a lot worse than get her leg broken to get thrown off the TARDIS.’

‘I just want her to wake up so I can tell her how sorry I am,’ Ryan said, dropping his head miserably to his chest. ‘I don’t want her to be mad at me.’

‘M’not mad,’ the Doctor mumbled sleepily. ‘Now stop with the self-pity I’m trying to nap here.’

‘I really mean it though, Doctor,’ Ryan said. ‘I’m really sorry.’

The Doctor opened one eye to look up at him and wriggled their conjoined hands. 

‘I know, your remorse is keeping me awake, knock it off.’

Ryan looked down at her hand clutched tightly in his, unable to tell if she meant it or not. He’d never met anyone like the Doctor before and he knew he wasn’t as close with her as Yaz was. Yaz could literally do no wrong. Although he was pretty sure Yaz also had a massive girl-crush on her.

‘Yaz has a crush on me?’

‘What?’ Yaz squeaked, turning red.

Ryan stared at the Doctor, who stared up at him innocently. ‘Wait, are you  _ reading my mind?’ _

‘Yeah.’ She at least had the grace to look guilty. ‘Well, sort of. I’m a touch telepath and you’re holding my hand. Trying not to, difficult to ignore though, those painkillers are  _ strong.  _ Can’t really tell what you’re thinking and what you’re saying at this point.’

Ryan suddenly wished she hadn’t woken up.

‘Yeah, me too, but your anxiety is hard to ignore.’

The Doctor wriggled herself so she was lying on her side, mercifully moving off her hip so the sonic stopped digging into Ryan’s leg. 

‘You should have said something,’ she mumbled, eyes already sliding shut again, hand still clutched in his; seemingly enjoying the contact. ‘I’d have moved.’

‘I feel like you two are having a secret conversation or something,’ Graham said, staring from the blonde alien on his lap to his grandson, then at Yaz who was hiding her face in her jumper, pink with embarrassment. 

Ryan saw the Doctor smirk into Graham’s leg and he grinned despite himself. He didn't blame Yaz for having a crush on her, she really was the most extraordinary woman he’d ever met. Maybe he had a bit of a crush on her too, despite her quirks.

‘My quirks are my most redeeming feature,’ the Doctor mumbled, already half asleep.

‘Knock it  _ off.’ _

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a message if you liked it! They literally brighten up my day <3


	28. I said amen and hallelujah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you didn't expect another update so soon! Mwahaha.
> 
> This isn't the long chapter I'm currently fiddling with that I mentioned before. I know lots of people wanted me to continue the last one but I'm not sure I'd be able to, so I wrote this one to explore the Doctor's Touch Telepathy a little bit more :)

The first time it happens the Doctor is removing the DNA bomb from Graham’s neck, tongue sticking out in concentration as she points that weird homemade metal tube at him, the tip glowing orange and rotating. 

The whole situation is so bizarre, Graham feels like when he and Grace got onto the train earlier they must have caught the wrong one and ended up in Cuckooland.

‘Oh you’ve been there too? I loved the flamingos.’

‘What’s that, Doc?’ Graham asked, confused.

‘Cuckooland. Great place.’

Graham brushed it off. He must have said it out loud. I mean, there’s no way the Doc had actually  _ read his mind,  _ right?

 

* * *

 

Yaz woke up to someone lightly shaking her shoulder. She felt groggy and was lying on something uncomfortable, a hard surface digging into her back. She assumed it was her mum waking her up. She’d probably had a nap after a shift and dinner was ready. Or maybe it was Sonya wanting to know where her hair straighteners were.

She’d been having the strangest dream. That woman they’d met on the train had accidentally zapped them into space and they’d ended up on an alien planet trying to get to something called ‘the Ghost Monument’ which would apparently help them get home. It was a great story really, she should write it down.

‘Not a dream, sorry Yaz.’

Yaz opened her eyes to see that strange blonde woman peering down at her and suddenly the crazy events of the last few days came rushing back. 

It wasn’t until they were safely in the Doctor’s ship (the TARDIS?) and were gripping onto the railing for dear life that Yaz suddenly realised she was  _ pretty sure  _ she hadn’t said anything out loud.

She glanced up at the Doctor who was doing a weird dance around the console, throwing levers and flipping switches as the box juddered and flung them about.

_ Bourbons are way better than custard creams,  _ Yaz thought, as loud as she could.

The Doctor didn't acknowledge it though, and Yaz shrugged and looked back down at the console.

She must have said it aloud.

 

* * *

 

Ryan’s hand  _ stung.  _ The demon kettle in the TARDIS kitchen had it out for him, that thing was a menace. Yaz and Graham always got perfectly hot cups of tea but Ryan got it splashed over him instead like it was some kind of satanic death kettle. 

‘If you call it names like that it’s no wonder you get scalded,’ the Doctor said absentmindedly, rubbing the soothing burn lotion into his palm.

‘Where did you even get it?’ Ryan protested. ‘“The Possessed Appliances Store”.’

The Doctor frowned. ‘Actually I think it was called something like that.’

She wrapped a bandage around Ryan’s palm and tied it in a bow with a flourish. 

‘Ta-da! All done. Maybe ask one of us to make you a cuppa for the next couple of days, the Satanic Death Kettle probably needs time to cool off.’ 

‘Satanic Death Kettle?’ Yaz asked, frowning, looking up from the kitchen table where she’d been finishing her cereal.

‘Yeah, Ryan’s name for it. No wonder its mad at him.’

‘When did you call it that?’ Yaz said, laughing.

‘Just now!’ the Doctor said. 

It was at that point that Ryan realised he hadn’t said it out loud. The Doctor seemed to realise this at the same time.

_ ‘Oooh.  _ Sorry, Ryan. Might have read your mind a bit there, didn't mean to.’

‘You can read minds??’ Ryan said, staring at her. 

‘Sort of, when I’m touching you I can.’ The Doctor shoved her hands in her pockets and shrugged guiltily. ‘If I’m concentrating on something I don’t always realise I’m doing it. Sorry. Fancy a wander? There’s a rainforest maze I’ve always wanted to try. If you get to the middle you get a trophy. I’ll race you!’

And she darted off to the control room to program the coordinates, leaving Yaz and Ryan to stare after her in shock.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes it’s quite endearing, like when Graham gets really upset after the Solitract incident and the Doctor comforts him one evening, just the two of them sat in the TARDIS doorway swinging their legs into space. Graham isn’t really sure what to say, how to communicate his grief, so he takes the Doctor’s hand and when he looks up at her she’s crying silently, and he knows she feels his pain. 

Other times it’s annoying, like when the Doctor grabbed Ryan’s arm to pull him along when they’re being chased by yet another alien army. 

‘Oi! I have got my shit together!’

Yaz has to be  _ so careful  _ when she’s near the Doctor. Now she knows about the telepathy she’s terrified that the Doctor will read her mind and know how she feels about her. The Doctor promised she doesn’t do it on purpose, doesn’t deliberately seek out their inner thoughts, but Yaz knows that in stressful situations she does it accidentally and doesn’t always realise until the other two look confused.

Like when they’re hurriedly defusing a bomb and the Doctor has her hand pressed over Yaz’s to show her the sequence of switches she needs to flick.

‘Yes I’ve been told that before,’ she mutters distractedly, sonicing the bomb and pulling out random wires, leaving them scattered on the floor.

‘Been told what before?’ Graham asks from where he’s standing at the door, keeping guard.

‘That I’m attractive when I’m flustered.’

Yaz wants to die, Ryan is barely containing his laughter, and Graham is nodding his head as though he agrees. 

And then, once the bomb is disarmed and they’re back in the TARDIS, the Doctor _winks_ at Yaz and she doesn’t even know what to make of _that._

 

* * *

 

Yaz picked up a bug a few weeks after that and ended up in bed shivering violently for a few days, the members of Team TARDIS alternating visits to keep her company. 

Graham started baking in the TARDIS kitchen and brought her brownies and cakes to snack on. Ryan found funny videos on YouTube and saved them to watch with her and the Doctor clambered into bed with her to watch movies. 

It was during one of these movie sessions, with Yaz curled around the Doctor’s warm body as she absentmindedly stroked Yaz’s hair, that Yaz suddenly realised this was the most content she’d been in a long time. 

She was finally starting to feel better and was hoping to get out of bed and start moving around the next day. Graham had been more than happy to have a few days exploring the TARDIS and Ryan had recently discovered the game room which kept him busy for hours, but she knew the Doctor was getting restless.

‘Nah, don’t mind a slower week every now and then,’ she mumbled sleepily.

‘Reading my mind again,’ Yaz said, smiling.

‘Oh, sorry. I’m quite tired, not really paying attention.’

‘You’re tired?’ Yaz said, looking up at her. ‘You’re never tired! I’ve never even seen you sleep!’

The Doctor shrugged. ‘I don’t sleep as much as you lot do. It’s been a while though, it’s probably bedtime.’

She did look tired, now Yaz had the chance to notice. Dark circles under her eyes and pale skin, she yawned and wriggled down so she was lying next to Yaz, pulling the duvet over her head.

‘You don’t mind do you?’ she mumbled into the pillow.

‘Course I don’t mind,’ Yaz said, wondering if the Doctor fancied a cuddle.

‘Always, never say no to a cuddle,’ the Doctor said. 

Yaz realised their hands were pressed together and she tucked her arms around the Doctor, the TARDIS turning off the movie playing in the background. She was soft and warm and the most adorable thing Yaz had ever seen. And she was  _ in her bed.  _

‘I can move if you want me to,’ the Doctor said, already half asleep.

‘Don’t you dare,’ Yaz responded, wriggling until her head was pressed against the Doctor’s chest, closing her eyes.

There was a silence for a minute, and then:

‘Why would this be better if we were naked?’

_ FFS. _

 

* * *

 

There is one moment though, a few months after this when the Doctor takes her to see the Northern Lights in Svalbard, that Yaz is actually glad of the touch telepathy.

It’s the middle of the night, or the TARDIS’s approximation of it, and Ryan and Graham are in bed. Yaz had been unable to sleep and had found the Doctor sat slurping hot chocolate in the console room, fiddling with the monitors.

Her request to see the Northern Lights was met with a grin and within seconds the Doctor was bundling her up in a massive winter coat and fishing a massive pair of snow boots out of the TARDIS wardrobe.

It  _ was  _ freezing outside, but Yaz hardly noticed as she gazed up at the sky, the green and blue swirls of the lights floating ethereally above her. The air was still and the ground was covered in inches of thick snow. Even the stars shone brighter here.

Yaz turned her head to notice the Doctor looking at her curiously. She felt a little like a snowman in her giant coat and mittens, the hood pulled up to keep her ears warm. 

‘What are you thinking about?’ the Doctor asked. The Time Lord was wearing a coat but hanging open and she didn’t have the hood up, not even seeming that cold. 

With the glow of the lights shimmering on her hair, she’s also more beautiful than Yaz has ever seen her.

‘Difficult to put into words,’ Yaz said, a grin on her face. ‘Might be easier if I show you.’

She shuffled forwards and pressed her forehead against the Doctor’s, eyes sliding shut, unwilling to sacrifice the warmth of the mittens to hold her hand.

She heard the Doctor gasp softly, and then soft lips are pressing against hers and arms are around her waist and Yaz feels as though she has to be dreaming, surely this can’t be real?

‘Not dreaming, definitely real,’ the Doctor says, pulling away from her lips for a brief moment to speak before diving back in again.

Maybe this touch telepathy thing wasn’t so bad after all.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I GOT SO MANY LOVELY COMMENTS FROM THE LAST CHAPTER I LITERALLY CANNOT.
> 
> I love all of you guys so much. I mean. Wow.


	29. been chasing dreams but I never slept III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After leaving them in Sheffield for 3 weeks, the Doctor returns injured and unable to speak, showing signs of severe psychological trauma. Can her friends help her through it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone that's reading it I have ALMOST FINISHED the next chapter of 'when she calls your name you fall to your knees' and I should get it up sometime over the weekend.
> 
> THIS chapter was an idea in my head that wouldn't budge until I wrote it down.

It had been three weeks.

Three weeks since the Doctor had said she’d come to pick them up. Three weeks since their last adventure. Three weeks of long shifts and bickering families and plain, boring normality.

Three weeks without her.

Three weeks too long. 

Yaz was stood at her window, mug of hot chocolate in hand, gazing out into the street below. It was dark, around 3am and Yaz couldn’t sleep. She’d just finished night shifts and her body hadn’t got back into its normal rhythm. It had taken days for her to get used to sleeping after months on the TARDIS and now her mind was all over the place. 

She looked down at the phone ringing out in her hand. It had been ringing for ten minutes now but no-one was answering. A selfie of her and the Doctor with the caption ‘TARDIS phone’ beamed out at her. 

She put the phone down on the windowsill, leaving it to ring, and took a sip of her hot chocolate, watching the odd car drive past on the road opposite her window. 

A figure in a running hoodie was making his way along the road but he stopped and looked up at her window. Ryan.

Yaz pushed the window open and gestured for him to come up. Her parents slept through anything and it had been a long time since she’d snuck a boy into her room.

‘Can’t sleep either?’ Ryan asked when he was sat on her bed with his own mug, watching Yaz’s phone ring merrily away.

‘Just finished nights, that and the TARDIS, can’t get back into a normal sleep cycle. I’m basically a bat now,’ Yaz said, playing idly with the fabric of her curtains.

‘We’ve been trying that too,’ Ryan said, gesturing at her mobile. ‘Graham’s had the phone going all day. She isn’t answering.’

‘Do you think we upset her?’ Yaz asked, sitting next to him. ‘Is that why she’s ignoring us?’

‘Nah, I don’t think so,’ Ryan said. ‘She seemed perfectly happy the last time we saw her, no inclination she wasn’t going to come back.’

_ ‘Just a couple of days! I’ll be back on Friday,’  _ Yaz mimicked their friend’s cheery northern accent. 

‘Do you think something’s happened to her?’ Ryan asked, worried.

Then his phone rang.

_ ‘Ryan! It’s grandad. You better get back here now.’ _

 

* * *

 

As soon as they saw the TARDIS outside the house, smoking slightly and covered in scorch marks, they knew something was wrong.

‘Get inside quickly,’ Graham said, meeting them at the door. ‘I dunno what to do. I heard a bang and when I opened the door she was slumped on the steps, she’s in a right state. Can’t understand a word she’s saying.’

Yaz and Ryan rushed into the house. The Doctor was sat on the sofa, head between her knees, rocking herself back and forth, gripping her legs so tightly her knuckles had turned white.

‘Doctor - ‘

Yaz sat next to her and tentatively put a hand on her back. Her head snapped up and she jumped away in fright. 

‘It’s only me,’ Yaz said soothingly, reaching out for her. ‘You’re alright.’

The Doctor threw her arms around Yaz’s neck and pressed her head into her shoulder, muttering something that definitely wasn’t english. Yaz could feel her tears soaking through her clothes and she held her gently, one hand going up to her hair to stroke her head. 

‘You’re safe,’ Yaz whispered.

Ryan sat next to them on the sofa and put a hand on the Doctor’s back as they tried to decipher what she was mumbling. It was a strange language that sounded like bells, almost lyrical and beautiful in its own way.

‘D’you reckon that’s her language?’ Graham asked.

‘I dunno,’ Yaz said. 

‘It’s amazing,’ Ryan said. ‘I don’t think I could make those sounds if I tried.’ 

‘It sounds sad,’ Graham said, a tear streaking down his cheek.

Yaz knew what he meant. She could feel it somewhere deep inside, a tug on the heart strings, a feeling of melancholy. She felt wet on her cheek and realised she was crying, Ryan too. It was the most beautiful language she’d ever heard, but also the saddest. 

The mumbling stopped after a few minutes and Yaz realised the Doctor was asleep, still pressed against her. There was blood and dirt in her hair and a cut on her forehead that had oozed blood down her cheek. Her clothes were ripped and burnt in places and she was absolutely filthy, covered from head to foot in dirt and ash.

‘She looks like she’s had a rough time of it,’ Graham said, quietly.

Yaz leaned back against the sofa, the Doctor curled around her. ‘Pass me that blanket,’ she said, pointing. ‘I’ll stay down here with her, don’t want her waking up alone.’

‘I’ll stay too,’ Ryan said, tucking the blanket over the two women. 

‘And me,’ Graham said. ‘We can all fit on that sofa, just about.’

The three humans made themselves comfortable on the sofa, the Doctor curled up on Yaz’s lap, head resting just under her chin, breathing quietly. Yaz kept her fingers wrapped around the Doctor’s wrist so she could feel the slow but steady beats of her hearts and closed her eyes.

 

* * *

 

The morning dawned only a few hours later, the early morning light shining through the window and bathing the room in a soft golden glow.

The Doctor had moved during the night and now had her head resting on Yaz’s lap, one arm curled around her friend’s leg. Graham and Ryan both had their heads back against the sofa, snoring loudly, but Yaz hadn’t slept, she’d stayed awake to keep an eye on her injured friend, one hand gently stroking her hair as she slept. 

She turned her head to look out the window where the TARDIS was shining softly outside the house. She looked as though she’d been repairing herself throughout the course of the night. The scorch marks on the wood were almost gone and she’d stopped smoking.

‘What happened?’ Yaz whispered softly to the Doctor. ‘What were you trying to tell us? Where have you been?’

Then she saw the marks on her wrist, red and angry in the light, blisters forming around the soft skin. Yaz almost reached out a hand to touch them before withdrawing it, worried about waking her up. There were deep welts in her skin and the tissue looked angry and inflamed, almost as though she’d been tugging at something unyielding and unforgiving.

Almost as though she’d been suspended from chains. 

Ryan snored himself awake and looked confused for a second, before looking down at the Doctor and remembering where he was. 

‘She awake?’ he asked, quietly. 

‘No, still asleep,’ Yaz whispered. ‘Look at her wrists.’

‘Oh god - who would do that to her?’

‘Some sick bastard,’ Yaz said, suddenly angry. ‘Whoever it was better hope I never get hold of them.’

The Doctor went from asleep to awake in 2 seconds flat, bolting upright and throwing herself off the sofa, backing away from her friends on her hands and knees.

‘Hey. Hey, it’s alright,’ Ryan said, reaching his hands out towards her. ‘You’re alright, it’s just us.’

The Doctor drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, suddenly looking ashamed. She tried to speak again but that same musical language came out and she gritted her teeth in frustration.

‘It’s alright,’ Yaz said, climbing off the sofa and kneeling in front of her. ‘We don’t need words to understand you. Right now I’m guessing you’re probably hungry, yeah?’

The Doctor nodded and Yaz gestured to her wrists. ‘Shall we get you in the bathroom and I can have a look at that?’

The Doctor looked down at her wrists as though she was noticing them for the first time. Graham, who’d woken up when their alien friend had catapulted herself from his sofa, stood up, eager to have something to do.

‘Yeah, I’ll put the kettle on and make some breakfast while Yaz helps you get cleaned up, right, Doc?’ Graham said. ‘We’ll get you some clean clothes too. We can put those ones in the wash. Can’t have you running out of rainbows!’

The Doctor didn't look up at him, she stayed sat on the floor staring down at her wrists as though she was lost in some awful memory. 

‘C’mere, let’s get you cleaned up,’ Yaz said softly, carefully helping the Doctor to stand with her hands gently gripping her forearms, avoiding her wrists.

The Doctor nodded mutely and followed Yaz through to the bathroom, limping slightly, Graham and Ryan shooting each other concerned looks behind them. 

Yaz ran the bath, figuring it would be easier than a shower, and helped the Doctor remove her clothes, leaving them in a pile outside the bathroom door for Graham to wash. She got her into the bath and didn't miss the wince as the warm water hit her battered skin.

‘Is the temperature okay?’ Yaz asked, softly. The Doctor nodded, looking up at her. Yaz felt that she was really  _ noticing  _ her for the first time since she’d come back. The Time Lord smiled softly, a small smile that only barely tugged at the corners of her lips but Yaz noticed it and she smiled back, the Doctor’s eyes sliding closed as she ran the showerhead over her hair, gently easing out the tangles and carefully rubbing shampoo into her scalp.

It was quiet in the room, far from the usual energetic yelling and bouncing around that Yaz was used to in the TARDIS and it felt unnerving.

‘D’you want some music on?’ Yaz asked, suddenly. ‘My friend recommended a band to me recently but I haven’t had the chance to check them out.’

The Doctor nodded and Yaz opened her spotify playlist. 

‘Sorry if they’re terrible,’ she said. ‘My friend has a bit of a bizarre taste in music.’

But the music was gentle with just enough of a beat to warm Yaz’s spirits as she rinsed the Doctor’s hair and she caught the Doctor tapping her foot against the side of the bath.

‘Clean clothes outside!’ Ryan yelled through the door. ‘They’re mine so sorry if they’re a bit big.’

Yaz held up Graham’s largest, fluffiest towel for the Doctor to wrap round herself. She tried to avert her gaze from the Doctor’s body to give her some privacy but she wasn’t fast enough and didn't miss the bruises and burns that covered her skin.

The Doctor looked lost wrapped in the towel and Yaz sat her down on the edge of the bath so she could grab the clothes Ryan had left outside, a baggy pair of jogging bottoms, t-shirt and and old hoodie. Once she was dressed, Yaz carefully lifted the Doctor’s hands to inspect her wrists. They were clean now but still looked painful and red. Graham had left the first aid kit outside and Yaz carefully cleaned her wrists and bandaged them. The cut on her face wasn’t so bad and Yaz gently lifted up her chin to inspect it, the Doctor’s eyes glassy and unfocused.

‘Hey,’ Yaz said softly. ‘You know who I am, right?’

The Doctor smiled that tiny smile again and reached up to squeeze Yaz’s hand. She opened her mouth but the word she spoke was that strange lyrical sound that felt as though she was speaking inside Yaz’s head.

‘Is that my name?’ Yaz whispered and the Doctor nodded. ‘Can you say it again?’

The second time was clearer and Yaz leant her forehead against the Doctor’s, the blonde’s eyes closing, suddenly looking exhausted.

‘I’m almost done,’ Yaz said. ‘Let me sort your hair out.’

There was a box of Grace’s toiletries stored under the sink and Yaz found a brush in there and a small bottle of leave-in conditioner.

‘Her hair is different so this is a bit of a punt,’ Yaz said, echoing the Doctor’s words. ‘Should be fine.’

Graham had made breakfast when they made their way back into the kitchen and he nodded approvingly at the two women. 

‘You’re looking better, Doc.’

The Doctor wasn’t listening, she’d darted to the window as soon as the blue of the TARDIS had caught her eye and was staring at it with one hand pressed against the glass.

‘TARDIS is in a better state than you are,’ Ryan said, teasingly. ‘She was a bit battered last night but is much better this morning.’

‘Pancakes? Doc?’ Graham called.

 

* * *

 

Full of food and rehydrated, the Doctor was slumped on her chair, almost lying on the table.

‘There’s a spare room upstairs if you want a lie down, Doc,’ Graham said. ‘You’re looking like you could do with a nap.’

The Doctor shook her head and made her way to the sofa, curling up into a ball and closing her eyes, suddenly looking very small in her too-big clothes. Ryan lifted her head carefully to slide a pillow under it and tucked a blanket over her. She was asleep immediately. 

‘She alright in there?’ Graham asked, nodding towards the bathroom.

‘Yeah, very quiet,’ Yaz said. ‘And she’s covered in scratches, looks like she’s been burnt in some places.’

‘Did she tell you what happened?’ Ryan asked.

Yaz shook her head. ‘No, she only said my name in that weird language, didn't say anything else.’

Her phone rang and Yaz groaned when she saw who it was. 

‘Urgh I told my mum we’d go shopping in town together this morning.’

‘I think she’s probably going to be like that for most of the day,’ Graham said, nodding at the Doctor. ‘We’ll keep an eye on her, you go off with your mum. We’ll call if anything happens.’

Once Yaz had gone Ryan went upstairs to shower and change. ‘I’ve got the late shift at the warehouse,’ he said to Graham. ‘You gonna be alright with her?’

Graham sat down in the armchair next to the sofa with his newspaper. ‘Babysitting the Doc is a privilege,’ he said proudly. ‘I’ll see you this evening, bring something back for tea, chips or something.’

Once Ryan had gone, Graham had a quick glance at the Doctor, still curled up under her blanket.

‘You rest easy, love,’ he said softly. ‘You’re all right with me.’

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES I'M CONTINUING IT


	30. been chasing dreams but I never slept IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2! This will be in three parts :)
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYONE'S LOVELY MESSAGES. YOU GUYS ARE THE SHIT.

_ The distress call had come in while the Doctor was fiddling around with the controls under the console. As much as she loved having her friends around, sometimes it was nice to just spend some time with her ship. The age of the TARDIS meant it was in constant need of repairs and the Doctor often got distracted and forgot to put aside the time. Or rather, she put aside the time but then got distracted by one of her companions, like when Yaz and Ryan had persuaded her to have a bowling match with them. The TARDIS had been cross that her thief had chosen bowling over quantum flux repairs, but the Doctor argued it was her own fault for having a bowling alley in the first place.  _

_ ‘Ooh what we got?’ the Doctor said excitedly. ‘Grab your jackets, fam.’ _

_ She looked up. _

_ ‘Oh. Never mind, just me on this one then.’ _

_ The TARDIS flew them straight there and the Doctor shrugged her coat on as she exited the ship. She was underground and the air smelt like sulphur, the same putrid smell associated with volcanoes.  It was cold and she could see her breath in the air.  _

_ ‘Hello? Anyone around?’ she called out. ‘I got your distress signal. Come to help.’ _

_ She was in a cavern with a high ceiling. It looked like some kind of underground settlement but there was no-one around. Emergency lighting on the roof lit the cavern in a soft glow, battered computer screens in the wall flashing on and off, sparks of electricity shooting out from them and landing on the floor. _

_ ‘Ooh, there you are,’ the Doctor said, inspecting one of the screens. ‘Distress signal came from here.’ She frowned. ‘But that makes no sense? Only configured to be picked up by a vessel containing Artron energy? But why…?’ _

_ The realisation that she’d just walked into a trap occurred too late. She turned and sprinted back towards the safety of the TARDIS but an electric trap snapped around her ankles and sent her crashing to the floor, arms flailing. _

_ The trap shot out tendrils that wrapped around her legs and arms, gripping her tightly, the sonic in her pocket out of reach. She tried to awkwardly push herself with her feet and the tendrils zapped her with electricity. She gritted her teeth and tried to push the pain away as it buzzed through her body. _

_ ‘Is this someone’s idea of a laugh?’ she yelled angrily when the last jolts had faded away. ‘Let me out!’ _

_ Two aliens stepped into her field of vision, both clad in metal, masks over their faces. She didn't recognise them and awkwardly looked up at them from her uncomfortable position on the floor.  _

_ ‘Hi. This isn’t funny, let me out please.’ _

_ They clicked at her and the Doctor frowned. The TARDIS didn't translate all languages, there were always a couple she had problems with, that strange rhythmic chanting used by the Judoon being one of them, but she had a wide database of insect-based languages that involved clicking. _

_ ‘Who are you?’ _

_ Then one of them pointed a gun at her and her vision went black. _

 

* * *

 

She woke up on the sofa screaming herself hoarse, head pounding, stomach turning, bile in her mouth.

She didn't even register Graham reaching out towards her, managing to pull herself off the sofa and crawl into the bathroom where she threw up her pancakes into the porcelain bowl, her hearts pounding.

She rested her head against the cool ceramic of the bowl until her stomach had stopped heaving and she could  _ breathe  _ again, the last fragments of the nightmare leaving her drained and exhausted.

‘Come on, Doc,’ Graham said softly from behind her. ‘Up you get.’

She let him lift her because she knew she couldn’t do it herself, her chin falling onto her chest as Graham carefully slid an arm around her waist and guided her back towards the sofa where she fell and curled into a ball, facing the back of the fabric, away from her friend. She could feel him dithering behind her, and the small part of her that hadn’t been completely destroyed wanted to turn around and tell him to sit down cause his hovering was making her dizzy.

She didn't though, she just closed her eyes and tried to think happy thoughts.

‘I was gonna put a film on, Doc, you fancy it?’ Graham asked from somewhere behind her head. 

A DVD case suddenly dropped in front of her face. She didn't bother reading the title, just nodding. She’s a guest in Graham’s house after all, she’ll probably sleep through whatever he puts on so what does it matter?

 

* * *

 

_ She woke up on an uncomfortable metal floor, her coat stripped away and lying in the corner. Her head felt hollow and it look a lot of deep breaths for her to be able to properly open her eyes and take in her surroundings, vision blurry and mind hazy.  _

_ ‘What’ave’you’iven’me,’ she slurred, squeezing her eyes tightly shut and opening them again to try and reboot her brain. Her arms were aching and she glanced up to see them suspended above her head, attached with shackles and chains to the wall. She could taste blood in her mouth and she spat it onto the floor, running her tongue across her gums to make sure all her teeth were still in her mouth. _

_ That strange clicking sounded again and she looked up to see the two aliens standing above her, holding something that looked an awful lot like a cattle prod. _

_ ‘You gonna zap me with that?’ she asked. ‘Cause that’d be really rude.’ _

_ One of them roughly kicked her leg with the tip of a metal capped boot and she jerked, the pain sharper than she’d anticipated, more intense and focused on that spot. _

_ ‘Pain receptors,’ she breathed. ‘You’ve enhanced my pain receptors. Why? Why are you doing this? What do you want?’ _

_ Then the business end of the cattle prod rammed into her stomach and she knew nothing but pain. _

 

* * *

 

She woke up later that evening to a cool hand on her forehead. She felt hot and feverish and realised she was shivering a little, her hearts beating too fast under her skin, her mind not focusing on anything.

‘How long has she been like this?’

Yaz. Yaz is back. 

‘A couple of hours. I’ve tried to keep the blanket off her but she keeps pulling it back up, I can’t get her to eat or drink anything, she was sick earlier.’

‘Hey, sit up for me,’ Yaz said, tucking her arm around the Doctor’s shoulder to support her.

The Doctor sat up slowly, just because it’s Yaz, her head buzzing and her skin crawling, like there was ants underneath it. She looked down at her hands, at the noticeable tremor. She felt her forehead, hot and clammy, the sweat rolling down her cheeks.

‘Hey, you look like shit,’ Ryan said from somewhere to her left. She heard Yaz tell him off for being so blunt and almost  _ felt  _ his shrug. 

‘You do look in a bad way,’ Yaz said, her cool hands cupping the Doctor’s face. ‘Can you help us? What’s wrong?’

The Doctor looked down at her hands again, at the bruises on her arms where they’d held her down and jammed their needles under her skin.

She looked up at Yaz and said the word but Yaz shook her head, her expression gentle. She couldn’t understand her. Her wonderful Yaz couldn’t understand her.

‘Can you write it down?’ Ryan asked, handing her a pencil and some paper. 

When she’d written the word she realised it was in Gallifreyan and snapped the pencil in two in her fits, about to rip up the paper in frustration, but Yaz took it off her carefully.

‘You’ve been teaching me,’ she said softly. ‘Let me try and read this.’

It took her a few minutes and multiple turns of the page to look at the shape of the word and the lines and circles that made it up, but Yaz wrote her definition underneath and held it up for the Doctor to inspect, feeling like a student about to be assessed by her teacher.

_ Withdrawal. _

Ten points to Yasmin Khan. Despite everything the Doctor felt a swell of pride and she beamed at her.

‘Do you need anything? Can we get you anything from the TARDIS?’

The Doctor shook her head. There probably was something that could help but she had no idea how she’d go about explaining Time Lord physiology to her three human friends when she couldn’t even speak properly, let alone get off the sofa to get it herself. Her jelly legs are making it very clear that that won’t be an option.

‘So what do we do?’ Yaz asked, smoothing down her hair, damp with sweat. 

The Doctor tapped the watch on Yaz’s wrist and pulled a face.

‘Cold turkey?’ Ryan sounded scandalised. ‘Nah, there has to be something else.’

The Doctor shook her head. She just needed to go back to sleep, her body would do the rest for her, flushing the remnants of their nasty drug out of her system. She laid back down on the sofa, pressing her forehead into the cushion, trying to quell the beginnings of the headache that was growing behind her eyelids. 

There was a dip in the sofa as Yaz got up, the Doctor already missing her absence, but she returned shortly afterwards and then there was an  _ amazing  _ cold, wet flannel pressed against her forehead and Yaz was rubbing her head soothingly and the Doctor felt as though she could stay here forever. 

‘You’ll tell us if you need something, yeah?’ Yaz said. The Doctor nodded, eyes closed, already feeling the allure of sleep pulling her under.

 

* * *

 

_ The cattle prod torment continued for the rest of the day and by the end of it she’s too tired to even scream. Her left arm is dislocated from the violent jerking of the electricity and she spent the rest of the night trying to pop it back in, gritting her teeth against the pain.  _

_ The aliens came back when she’d just managed to doze off to inject her with something else and she tried to kick angrily at them, screaming for help even though she knew it was probably useless. _

_ They didn't like the screaming and fastened a metal box over her mouth so she couldn’t talk, but she still managed to make angry guttural sounds at them until they strapped a cage over her head and knocked her unconscious. _

 

* * *

 

She woke up a few hours later shivering uncontrollably, distressed noises that she couldn’t keep in coming out of her mouth.

‘Ssh, you’re alright.’

It was dark in the room, sometime after 2am, but Yaz was there next to her, holding her hand tightly. 

‘Just breathe, yeah? You’re okay, you’re safe.’

Her hearts were all over the place, beating erratically, her breathing laboured, her head spinning even though she was lying down. Her body felt like it was simultaneously on fire and also way too cold, the blanket tangled around her legs. She moaned, a tear falling down her cheek and then Yaz was there, pressed against her, arms wrapped tightly around her waist. The telepathy abilities she could usually keep in check were calling to her, she could feel Yaz’s anguish and worry flooding through her body, adding to her own. 

In the end, she wasn’t sure if she went back to sleep or if she actually passed out, but either way, if this is the end, if this is how she dies, she’s glad Yaz is holding her.

 

* * *

 

_ They’ve taken the chains off her wrists and the Doctor curled into a ball on the hard floor, arms wrapped tightly around her knees. She’s cold, so cold, and her toes and fingers are numb. She can’t stop shivering and her teeth are chattering in her mouth.  _

_ She closed her eyes and tried to sing something to keep her spirits up but it hurts too much, her throat swollen and sore from having a hand gripped tightly around it while something burrowed into her mind. She tried to hum but that hurt even more and instead settled on playing the song in her head. It’s one Yaz played her ages ago but she can’t remember the name, only the lyrics. _

I made it through the darkest part of the night, and now I see the sunrise.

_ The aliens clicked their way into her cell and she tried to concentrate on the tune of the music in her head, tried to ignore their cold hands on her skin as the chains clamped back around her wrists. The metal box is gone from her mouth but it hardly matters, she couldn’t speak if she wanted too.  _

_ This time they go for her head and the Doctor ignores the pain in her throat and screams as the pressure in her head builds and builds until there’s only pain and nothing else. _

 

* * *

 

_ ‘...looks like she’s dying.’ _

_ ‘Maybe we should call an ambulance?’ _

_ ‘No, too risky.’ _

_ ‘If she dies on my sofa…’ _

_ ‘She’ll be okay, she has to be.’ _

_ ‘I hate this, I hate feeling like this. There was to be something we can do.’ _

_ ‘We need to let her come out of it herself.’ _

_ ‘Should we get her into the TARDIS?’ _

_ ‘Not sure how the TARDIS is going to help.’ _

_ ‘I was thinking it might be more a comfort thing for her.’ _

_ ‘She isn’t dying, Graham!’ _

_ ‘Doc, if you’re in there, if you’re listening. I love you. Alright? Not in a romantic way, don’t go getting any ideas, but I do. I’m a better man today because of you. I love you.’ _

_ ‘Yeah, me too. Again, not romantically so don’t get your hopes up.’ _

_ ‘Stop saying goodbye!’ _

_ ‘You should too, Yaz. Just in case. Say something to her. Tell her how you feel.’ _

_ ‘Not like this.’ _

_ ‘You might not get another chance.’ _

_ A soft hand in hers, warm breath on her neck, a voice whispering into her ear.  _

_ ‘I love you. Please wake up.’ _

_ And then that comforting blackness that tugged her back down, the anguished cries of her friends already fading into nothing. _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No I'm not going to kill her off. I mean come on.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Also (unpopular opinion), did anyone else expect more from that season finale? It felt more like just another episode than a finale. It was still awesome though. Graham <3


	31. been chasing dreams but I never slept V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo here's the reason this took so long:
> 
> Sometimes, when I'm writing the Doctor and Yaz in a scene together, I realise that they should totally start making out. Except that sometimes it doesn't always fit the story or it's a gratuitous making out scene for the hell of it which I want to try and avoid.
> 
> WHICH IS WHY this will be in four parts instead of three. Blame 13/Yaz, they started it.

_What do you want from me?’ the Doctor slurred, backing up against her cell as far as her chains would allow. ‘Why won’t you let me go?’_

_The aliens clicked at her and she gritted her teeth in frustration._

_‘Oh come on! Haven’t you done enough to me already?’_

_They’d given her more of the drug and her body movements were slowing. She could feel her hearts stuttering in her chest and her brain was turning foggy, blackness creeping up at the edge of her vision._

_‘Lemmego,’ she mumbled, sliding down to the floor, trying desperately hard to keep her eyes open._

_One of the aliens grabbed her leg and dragged her over to him while she fought weakly, the cuffs around her wrists digging in painfully. She could feel warm blood trickling from her wrist down her fingers and she gritted her teeth as the alien flung her into the centre of the cell._

_‘Leave me alone.’_

_Her voice was failing her and she wasn’t even able to scream when the alien pulled her shirts up and something hot pressed against her skin. It burned like the sun but she was too tired to yelp or wriggle away and she could only lie there and take it, screaming inside her head as the smell of burning flesh rose into the air. She tried to feebly kick with her legs but only succeeded in pathetically flicking her ankle upwards. She could feel tears falling down her cheeks and she was biting her cheek so hard she could taste blood in her mouth. She was completely paralysed to the drug in her system and she could feel bile rising up her throat._

_One of the aliens rolled her over and she vomited onto the floor, spitting out blood before she was heaved into a sitting position and the heat was pressed against her chest, still unable to scream._

_Unable to support her head anymore it dropped down to her shoulder and she cried silently, screaming inside her head until the blackness finally took her._

 

* * *

 

‘What do we do if she dies?’ Ryan asked, and Yaz’s head shot up immediately.

‘Don’t talk like that!’ she hissed at him. ‘She might be able to hear you.’

‘I don’t think she can hear anything, Yaz.’ Graham said, quietly. ‘And he’s right, cause I’m not sure she’s going to get out of this one.’

Yaz looked down at her friend cradled in her arms. Pale, cold, and completely unresponsive. Yaz tucked the duvet up over them both and heard a comforting hum in the background as Graham turned the central heating on. It was 3am but none of them had slept, too focused on looking after their injured friend.

‘Yaz…’ Graham said softly, tears in his eyes. ‘I know you want her to get better, but she’s dying, love.’

‘She can’t die,’ Yaz insisted. ‘She can’t! She’s the most alive person I know.’

‘Everyone is the most alive person, until they’re not,’ Ryan said, a hand on Yaz’s shoulder.

‘Why are you saying that?’ Yaz said quietly. ‘Why are both of you saying that?’

‘Because I don’t want her to go, Yaz,’ Ryan said, sounding miserable. ‘If she dies it’ll be like the sun going out. But look at her.’

Yaz brushed the Doctor’s hair away from her forehead. She was so pale, her lips were tinged blue and there were heavy dark shadows under her eyes. One of her hearts had stopped an hour before, at least they were pretty sure it had, they couldn’t feel the reassuring thump under their hands. The other was ticking away slowly, just tiding her over. She was completely limp and unmoving under Yaz’s hands, her veins thick and dark under her skin.

‘She’s just doing that thing she does when she’s injured,’ Yaz said, determinedly. ‘Remember? After the Pting when we got back to the TARDIS? When she was unconscious for an entire day regrowing her ectospleen?’

‘She didn't look like that,’ Graham said softly.

Yaz felt the emotion whelm up inside of her suddenly. He was right, they were both right. She’d been injured before, battered around and bruised but she’d always bounced back with a smile, and she’d never, _never,_ looked like she did now.

‘I can’t lose her,’ Yaz whispered, feeling the tears drip over her eyes. ‘She doesn’t even know how I feel about her.’

‘She does,’ Ryan said gently, tucking his arm across Yaz’s shoulders. ‘She knows. And she knows we’re here for her now.’

Graham sat on the end of the sofa, carefully lifted the Doctor’s legs onto his lap, and together, the three of them held their friend.

 

* * *

 

_She had a dream that night._

_Although it didn't feel like a dream, it felt more like a memory, but a memory that hadn’t happened yet._

_The TARDIS had started singing her to sleep after the aliens had beaten her bloody or performed their twisted experiments on her, her soft singing echoing in the Doctor’s head. This felt like her too, this dream, or vision, or memory._

_‘What’re you showing me?’ the Doctor slurred in Gallifreyan. Her speech had gone days before and now she could only communicate in the language of her people. She could still hear other languages in her head, could still hear Yaz’s voice or Captain Jack’s American drawl or Amy’s scottish twang. It was her. She couldn’t get her useless mouth to make the right shapes to speak the words._

_Language had always come easy to her, not only with the TARDIS, her tutors had been impressed at the sheer number of languages she attempted to learn and the skill with which she could rattle off dates and times and place names. Her inability to speak other languages now was more likely due to the language centre of her brain being unable to control her vocal movements than the TARDIS’s translation circuits being on the fritz. The shape of the words in Gallifreyan were waaay different that the shape of the words in English. Gallifreyan you didn't really speak, it was more about making sounds that had meanings attached to them rather than words._

_This dream/memory was of her and Yaz sat on a hill. It was peaceful and calm and beautiful and the Doctor didn't remember it ever happening, but suddenly she yearned for that image so strongly she felt her chest burn._

_‘Yaz…’_

Get up.

_The Doctor’s eyes opened blearily. She was lying on the floor where she’d been left, her mind unclear and her body in agony._

_‘What?’_

Get up.

_‘Leave me alone,’ she mumbled, eyes sliding closed again._

_20 feet away from her, tauntingly out of her reach, her Ghost Monument moaned._

GET UP.

_‘Can’t you let me die in peace?’_

GET. UP.

_She felt the TARDIS in her head like a rush of golden light and suddenly her vision was clearer and the pain was pushed further back into her head. Not enough to get rid of it completely, but enough for her to shakily pull herself to her feet._

_The aliens hadn’t chained her on this occasion, deeming her too weak to be able to move. Her legs were shaky and she fell heavily onto her hands and knees but the TARDIS urged her on and she stood again, hands reaching out to press against the cold wall of her cell._

_‘Don’t know what you expect me to do,’ she complained, pressing her hands against her head as her mind burned._

Bird.

_The Doctor’s head snapped up. The cell door was glass, thick glass, but glass nonetheless._

_‘You want me to punch myself out?’_

_That image of her and Yaz on a hill projected into her head again and the Doctor gritted her teeth, raised her fist, and punched._

_The pain was instant and agonising but the TARDIS helped her hold it back, compartmentalise it for another time. There was a time to be in pain but this wasn’t it._

_She punched again._

 

* * *

 

‘The sun’s coming up,’ Graham noted as the first early rays crept in through the curtains.

‘Brand new day,’ Ryan said emptily.

Yaz was humming softly, stroking the Doctor’s hair and cradling her against her chest. She was breathing shallower now and her remaining heart was slowing with every minute that went by.

‘It’s alright, Doc,’ Graham said, squeezing her hand tightly. ‘We’re here, you can go, it’s alright.’

 

* * *

 

 

_The glass shattered and she stumbled forwards, barely keeping herself upright as she hobbled awkwardly towards the TARDIS._

_She could hear footsteps behind her, the aliens clicking angrily as they ran at her. She felt their hands grabbing at her once she’d reached the safety of the TARDIS doors and she hurled herself inside, the doors slamming shut behind her while she lay, winded, on the metal grating of the TARDIS floor, the central column moving as the TARDIS dematerialised._

_She closed her eyes._

 

* * *

 

Humming.

Someone humming.

A soft tune, slow and gentle and beautiful.

She felt uncomfortable and fuzzy. There was something heavy constricting her chest with its pressure. Then, suddenly, she felt her hearts beating again, not realising they’d stopped in the first place.

Someone was crying?

_I hear wailing in the streets._

‘Is she…?’

Graham?

‘I don’t know.’

That was Yaz, definitely. She could _feel_ Yaz’s arms around her, could hear Yaz’s heart beating where her head was pressed against the younger woman’s chest.

‘Is she still breathing?’

Ryan?

A pause.

A long pause.

‘Yaz?’ that was Graham. She felt his hand squeezing hers tightly.

‘She’s - I don’t understand - but I think…’

‘Yaz? What’s the matter?’ Ryan’s voice, anxious, frightened.

‘I think her other heart is beating again.’

The Doctor opened her eyes.

Yaz. That was the first thing her tired eyes saw. Yaz, beautiful, warm and looking exhausted, leaning over her, mouth agape, then split into a beautiful smile.

‘Doctor!’

‘Wait, she’s alive?’

Then Graham was leaning over her, then Ryan and even though they were all _way too close_ she didn't seem to mind.

‘Hey fam,’ she croaked, the words forming themselves perfectly in her mouth.

Then they were all throwing themselves on her in some kind of massive cuddle fest and Yaz was kissing her forehead and Graham was crying and Ryan was gripping her legs and even though the weight of their bodies was pressing against her abused skin, she finally felt safe again.

 

* * *

 

The Doctor scrutinised her face in the bathroom, wet hair up in a towel turban. That was probably her most favourite part of being a woman so far. That inexplicable mystery of the towel turban. She remembered Rose used to wander around the console room in one, and Martha used to have her hair up in one when making tea in the morning, but now it was her turn. She poked it experimentally, pleased with how it had turned out.

She hadn’t needed Yaz to help her this time around. Her mind was clearer and, despite not eating or drinking for two days, she felt stronger. Her body had finally flushed the last remnants of whatever it was they’d give her away and her skin was healing, the bruises around her face and throat almost completely gone.

The Doctor tugged the bandages around her wrists off to reveal smooth skin and she held them up to the light to inspect. Completely healed. Well done body.

There was a small knock on the door and Yaz popped her head in, holding the Doctor’s clothes neatly folded in her arms. Graham had washed her trousers and coat and Yaz had grabbed a clean t-shirt and underwear for her from the TARDIS.

The Doctor dropped her towel and grabbed her clothes, never one for modesty. Plus Yaz had seen her naked now anyway so whatever.

She laughed when she realised that Yaz was staring up pointedly at the ceiling, blushing furiously and she nudged her playfully when she was dressed. Yaz wrapped her arms around her, holding the Doctor tightly, faced buried in her shoulder, the blonde surprised at the aggressiveness of the hug. She returned it though, wrapping her arms around Yaz and squeezing her just as hard. This body seemed to like hugs, Eyebrows had never been a fan. A hug wasn’t just a way to hide your face. Humans hugged all the time. Heck, _she_ used to hug all the time.

‘Hey,’ the Doctor whispered into her companion’s ear, remembering her dream. ‘Shall we go for a walk?’

 

* * *

 

Sitting on the hill with Yaz felt as amazing as it had in her dream. The air was crisp and cool and the breeze soothed her skin, itching as it healed. The grass was soft and dewy beneath her fingers and the view was incredible, the city sprawling out below them under grey clouds, patches of sun bursting through.

‘What happened to you?’ Yaz asked, looking down at the Doctor’s hand where it lay in the grass, wondering if she’d mind if Yaz held it.

The Doctor said nothing, gazing thoughtfully out across the hills, but she looked down when Yaz took her hand and squeezed it carefully, running her thumb over the dark purple bruises across her knuckles.

‘I know you probably don’t want to talk about it,’ Yaz said, carefully. ‘But it might help if you did? You’re obviously still shaken up about the whole thing.’

‘I walked into a trap,’ the Doctor said, shrugging. ‘Happens every now and then, the TARDIS can’t protect me from everything.’

‘What did they want?’ Yaz asked, trying to remember her training and keep her voice steady, trying not to let her voice betray how she was feeling on the inside.

‘I’m not sure,’ the Doctor said. ‘I think they wanted to better understand Artron energy. Capturing a Time Lord, who’s literally filled with the stuff, is probably their equivalent of Christmas come early. I think they’re mercenaries though, employed by someone else to run their sick experiments. I probably won’t ever know who hired them.’

‘What did they do to you?’ That question was whispered but Yaz forced herself to look her friend in the eye when she asked it.

The Doctor said nothing.

Then Yaz started crying softly next to her.

‘Hey, woah, stop that,’ the Doctor said, grabbing her friend’s hand. ‘What’s wrong, why are you crying?’

If anything, that only made her cry harder and she pressed her face against the Doctor’s coat and howled into the fabric while the Doctor held her, confused, gently rubbing her back.

‘I’m sorry,’ Yaz hiccuped. ‘I’m sorry you got hurt, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to save you.’

_‘Yasmin Khan.’_

Yaz looked up, startled, and the Doctor winched when she realised that had come out a little harsher than she’d anticipated.

‘Sorry. Look, here’s the thing, you’re not responsible for me, okay? I’m responsible for you. For all of you. The TARDIS too. We look after you lot not the other way around. And if I ever find myself in trouble like that ever again then the _absolute last thing_ I want is to have you there.’

‘Even if we could have saved you?’

‘You did save me, Yasmin,’ the Doctor said soothingly, gently cupping Yaz’s face with her hands. ‘Do you know what I saw, when I was in that cell? Do you know what the TARDIS showed me?’

Yaz shook her head and the Doctor gestured with her arms. ‘This! Me and you, sat up here, right at this moment. You gave me the motivation to get myself out.’ She smiled at her and wiped away a tear on Yaz’s face with her thumb. ‘And don’t think I didn't hear you,’ she continued softly. ‘When you were saying goodbye to me.’

Yaz’s breath caught and she temporarily forgot how to breathe. The Doctor was so close to her, her warm hands pressing against her cheeks, her breath on her face. She could see the ring of hazel in her green eyes and the dark roots of her hair, the faint marks around her neck, the bruises on her knuckles.

‘Yaz…’ the Doctor said softly, eyes dark and impossible to read.

That was when Yaz realised she was putting the ball in her court, giving her the option to back away. This was her choice. Her decision.

She didn't stand a chance.

The Doctor’s lips were soft against hers and warm, Yaz gripped the hands on her face as she kissed her, slow and sweet, savouring every moment. The wind was blowing their hair everywhere but it didn't matter, the only thing that mattered being the woman under her hands, warm and soft and so alive. The Doctor’s hands dropped to Yaz’s waist and she pulled her in closer, kissing her as though this was the only opportunity she was ever going to get, as though she was trying to wipe away the horrors of the last few weeks with Yaz’s mouth and her hands and her love.

Yaz fisted her hands in the Doctor’s hair, tugging it softly so the Doctor moaned into her mouth and she could slip her tongue inside, all heat and teeth and passion. She pushed her back onto the wet ground and swung her legs over to position herself carefully on either side of her hips, hands slipping under the fabric of the Doctor’s t-shirt to paw at her skin.

The Doctor’s breath hitched under her, the cold damp of the grass seeping into her clothes as Yaz kissed her, hands moving up across her stomach towards -

‘- wait,’ the Doctor gasped.

Yaz flew off her instantly, hands coming up in the air. ‘Did I hurt you?’ she asked, mortified.

‘No! S’cold,’ the Doctor laughed, and that sound warmed Yaz’s heart more than she could say. The Doctor laughing was as wonderful as the sunrise or sunset, climbing into fresh sheets, hot showers and a heated home. Things that often were, but never should be, taken for granted.

‘You’re never cold,’ Yaz said teasingly, as though she hadn’t been trying to slip her (probably cold) hands under the Doctor’s bra only a few seconds previously.

‘I’m not healed yet, almost, but not yet,’ the Doctor protested, pushing herself up onto her elbows.

‘I’m sorry,’ Yaz said. ‘I should’ve -’

But then the Doctor’s mouth was on hers again and whatever Yaz _should’ve_ done was forgotten as the blonde cradled her face between her hands.

‘I want a raincheck,’ the Doctor mumbled against her lips, and Yaz smiled.

‘I think that can be arranged.’

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you're glad it's being continued now, huh?
> 
> Also is this the correct roman numeral for this chapter? I didn't bother checking. I think it is.


	32. been chasing dreams but I never slept VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last part! Hope you enjoy :) Sorry it took so long!

That evening Graham and Ryan ordered pizza and they burrowed down under the blanket on the sofa to eat it, Yaz pressed firmly against the Doctor’s side, her hand holding hers under the soft material. She didn't know what this thing was that was developing between them, but it was warming her heart and she wanted to keep it close to her for as long as she could. 

The Doctor was quiet and Yaz wondered if she was asleep again, but she was curled against the side of the sofa with her head on the armrest, watching the TV through half-opened eyes. Graham had turned it on for background noise but now they all found themselves completely enraptured by a game show.

‘Now I know you’re tired, Doc,’ Graham said. ‘Usually you’d be yelling the answers by now!’

The Doctor smiled but didn't say anything and Yaz curled carefully into her side, running her fingers gently along the Doctor’s leg. Ryan noticed and raised an eyebrow but kept quiet.

Yaz’s phone rang and she untangled herself from the blanket to answer it, pulling a face when she saw her mum’s picture on the screen.

‘Hi, mum!’ she said, closing the door to the living room and stepping into the hallway for some privacy.

_ ‘You planning on coming home anytime soon?’  _ Najia asked.  _ ‘We’ve not seen you for two days! Where have you been?’ _

‘The Doctor’s been ill,’ Yaz said, gently running her fingers along the fabric of the Doctor’s coat where it was hanging on a peg in the hallway. ‘We’ve been looking after her.’

_ ‘Who’s we?’ _

‘Me and Ryan.’ Yaz decided to leave out that Graham was there too, not sure what her mum would think of that. 

_ ‘Is she better now?’ _

‘Yeah, she’s getting there.’

Yaz tugged the sonic screwdriver out of the Doctor’s coat pocket and held it in her hands. It was warm and it hummed slightly under her touch, the weight of it reassuring in her palm.

_ ‘What happened?’ _

‘She’s just under the weather,’ Yaz said, vaguely. ‘I think she had the flu or something.’ 

_ ‘Send her my love,’  _ Najia said.  _ ‘I hope she feels better soon. You coming back tomorrow?’ _

‘Maybe,’ Yaz said, slipping the sonic back into the Doctor’s coat pocket. ‘I’ll see how she is.’

_ ‘And you’re still not seeing each other?’ _

Yaz froze with her hand on the door handle. 

‘What do you mean?’

Her mother scoffed on the other end of the line.  _ ‘Your “friend” has the flu so you stay with her for two days straight but you’re  _ not  _ seeing each other.’ _

‘She’s not well, mum!’ Yaz protested, failing to mention the kiss on the hill or the feel of the Doctor’s skin warm under her hands, her breathy gasps still echoing in her ears.

_ ‘Then I guess I’ll see you when I see you,’  _ Najia said, and Yaz could hear the grin in her voice.

Graham and Ryan both looked up at her when she came back in the room. The Doctor had nodded off again but she seemed to be actively asleep rather than actively dying on this occasion. 

‘Everything alright, Yaz?’ Graham asked. 

‘Yeah, everything’s fine. I might pop home for a sec and grab some stuff if that’s alright. Do you mind me staying over tonight? Just in case.’

‘Course not, Yaz,’ Graham said. ‘You’re always welcome.’

* * *

Her mum met Yaz at the door with a raised eyebrow when she tried to duck inside.

‘Thought you were looking after your not-girlfriend?’ she teased.

‘I needed to grab some stuff,’ Yaz said, heading straight for her room. ‘Where’s dad and Sonya?’

‘Both out. How’s the Doctor?’

‘Better,’ Yaz said vaguely, heading to her room and grabbing a backpack.

Her mum leant against the doorframe and watched as Yaz stuffed the bag full of clothes, clean underwear, spare t-shirts and pyjamas. 

‘How long are you staying for? And  _ where  _ are you staying?’ Najia asked, eyeing the bulging bag as Yaz zipped it up and slung it onto her back.

‘We’re at the Doctor’s place,’ Yaz said, heading back into the living room. ‘She hasn’t got family so we’re just making sure she’s alright, me and Ryan. You know how awful the flu can be.’

‘And where is the Doctor’s place?’ Najia asked.

_ Parked on Graham’s front lawn currently,  _ Yaz thought.

‘Really close to Ryan and Graham’s,’ she said absently. ‘Right round the corner actually, top floor flat, really nice views.’ 

‘Funny, I can’t picture the Doctor in a flat,’ Najia said, frowning.

_ Neither can I. _

‘She’s treating you okay though, right, sweetheart?’ Najia asked and Yaz frowned.

‘Yeah, course she is, what do you mean?’

‘You wear your heart right here,’ Najia said, tugging her daughter’s sleeve. ‘And whether she feels the same way or not it’s obvious you have feelings for her. Don’t let her take advantage of you.’

‘She’s not like that, mum,’ Yaz said, touched nonetheless. 

‘Hey, I know you enough to trust your judgement,’ Najia said. ‘I’m just saying. I don’t want you getting hurt.’

‘She wouldn’t hurt me!’

‘Not on purpose, no,’ Najia said, taking her daughter by the shoulders and squeezing them lightly. ‘Just be careful. And when she’s feeling better, bring her round! I should really get to know the woman my daughter’s dating.’

‘Mum, we’re  _ not  _ dating.’

‘Try that again, but like you actually mean it this time.’

‘Bye, mum!’

* * *

The Doctor had woken up when Yaz got back to the house and was watching Family Guy with Ryan. She still looked tired but had more colour in her cheeks and grinned happily when Yaz walked in.

‘There you are! I was wondering where you’d gone.’

‘Just popped home to grab some stuff,’ Yaz said, reaching into her bag and pulled out a pair of her softest flannel pyjamas. ‘Got you these, they’re my comfiest ones.’

‘Oh  _ brilliant,’  _ the Doctor said, face split open in a grin. She started pulling her clothes off immediately and poor Ryan turned his head, wide eyed as she tugged the pyjamas on.

‘What do you reckon?’ she asked him, poking his shoulder.

Ryan looked up at Yaz. ‘Is it safe to turn around now?’

Yaz laughed and Ryan grinned at the Doctor who looked utterly adorable in the pyjamas, sitting happily cross legged on the sofa. 

‘You look great,’ he said. ‘Definitely not like a child at all.’ 

‘Amazing, you sitting down, Yaz?’ she asked, looking hopeful.

Yaz squeezed in between the two of them and pulled the blanket up over her knees while Ryan searched through movies and eventually put on something relatively tame, the Doctor happily leaning against Yaz and resting her head against her shoulder, closing her eyes. 

* * *

The Doctor jerked awake to Yaz gently stroking her hair away from her forehead. It was warm and snug under the blanket but she was shivering and Yaz was whispering reassurances to her.

‘You’re alright, just a bad dream,’ she said softly.

The room was dark and it took a few seconds for the Doctor to focus on her surroundings. She was still on the sofa tucked under the blanket, warm and safe. She spotted the blow-up bed Yaz must have been sleeping on next to her and frowned.

‘You don’t have to sleep on the floor,’ she said softly, catching Yaz’s hand and stroking her soft skin with her thumb. 

‘Well I can’t very well leave you, can I?’ Yaz said. ‘I’m pretty sure you actually died for a few seconds yesterday.’

‘That’s not what I meant,’ the Doctor replied quietly, shuffling up against the sofa so there was space for Yaz to squeeze on next to her. 

The two of them barely fit on but the Doctor didn't seem to mind cuddling up to Yaz, their bodies pressed flush against each other in the stillness of the night, the blanket tucked over them.

She was warm but not feverish like before and Yaz tucked an arm over her waist, the Doctor sneaking an arm underneath Yaz for the younger woman to rest her head on.

Whether it’s the time of night, the sleepiness in her bones or the sheer joy of her friend still being alive Yaz isn’t sure, but she found her hand sliding up the Doctor’s top, feeling the hitch of the blonde’s breath as she gently traced the outline of her breast.

The Doctor shifted closer to Yaz, their foreheads pressed together and Yaz got bolder, taking her breast in her hand and gently running her thumb over her nipple. She could hear the Doctor’s breathing pick up and she kissed her gently, carefully pressing their lips together.

The Doctor had other plans, however, and kissed her hard, her hands going to Yaz’s waist and gripping her tightly, pulling her closer. The kiss became heat and desperation, it felt like the Doctor was hanging onto Yaz as though she’s frightened Yaz will disappear or leave her. 

Yaz finds her hand shoving itself down the front of the Doctor’s trousers and the Doctor moaned loudly before Yaz put a hand over her mouth to shut her up. They are on Graham’s sofa after all and the boys are literally  _ above their heads. _

They giggled and Yaz felt like a horny teenager again as she kissed the Doctor’s neck, hard, her fingers working quickly under the fabric of her trousers.

She pushed the Doctor onto her back and climbed on top of her, ripping open her pyjama top so she could run her hands, fingers, and then mouth over her breasts, one hand still working her up, the Doctor’s hips coming up to meet her fingers.

She pulled the blanket over their heads and kissed her again, and again, and again until the Doctor came apart under her and there there’s just heat and wet and skin against skin and Yaz gave herself over to this amazing woman.

* * *

Luckily, they woke up at the crack of dawn and had time to jump in the shower before the two men got up and caught them spooning half-naked on the couch.

The Doctor snuck off into the TARDIS for a few hours and when the three humans joined her she looked back to her normal self; coat sleeves rolled up, hair tucked behind one ear so her bright earring was on display and hands shoved in pockets while she awkwardly balanced on the balls of her feet.

‘Okay, team. Gang.’

Raised eyebrows from Ryan.

‘... fam?’

‘Just spit it out, Doc,’ Graham said, but he was smiling.

‘Yes. Um. Well.’ She scratched her head awkwardly and looked down at her boots. ‘I guess I should probably start with thank you. For looking after me. And lending me your sofa and cleaning me up and for all the cuddles. Much appreciated. Thank you.’

She peeked up at them from under a curtain of blonde hair and Graham chuckled and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. 

‘It was our pleasure, Doc,’ he told her, and the Doctor grinned and hugged him back, shortly to be joined by Ryan and finally Yaz as they crowded around her in a group hug.

‘Aw this is nice,’ the Doctor mumbled, face pressed into Graham’s shoulder. ‘I never used to like hugs.’

‘Can I vote we go somewhere chill?’ Ryan asked. ‘Like one of those leisure planets or something. Bit of R&R would be awesome.’

‘Yes. Definitely,’ the Doctor said excitedly, jumping back. ‘I know just the place. Infinity swimming pool, slides over hundreds of metres long, candyfloss clouds, you are going to love this.’

Just as the TARDIS began to make that familiar grinding/whooshing sound, the Doctor bounded back to Yaz and grabbed hold of her hand. 

‘Also, me and Yaz are totally together now. We kissed and everything.

_ ‘DOCTOR.’ _

Graham rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah, we noticed. Tell us something we don’t know.’ 

Ryan winked at Yaz as she prayed for the console floor to open up and swallow her whole.

‘Cheers, Yaz. Graham owes me a tenner now.’

_ ‘Oi.’ _

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LET THEM HUG, CHIBBS.
> 
> Come chat to me on Tumblr! catchonfirespontaneously


	33. and now I see the sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheeky bit of Thasmin fluff after all that angst :) Enjoy!

The atmosphere in the TARDIS that evening was more subdued than normal, everyone exhausted and emotionally wrung out by the day’s events. Graham was leaning up against the console in silence as the Doctor fiddled with the controls, sending them who knows where and who knows when. There were dark circles under her eyes and she was frowning as she consulted the scanner, Ryan at her side, watching what she was doing.

Yaz’s head still felt a little uncertain from the effects of the planet, the ache in her head not quite gone, her mind not quite still. She could feel exhaustion and the need to sleep tugging at the corners of her brain and she stumbled against the console, the Doctor shooting out a hand to steady her.

‘You okay?’ she asked softly.

‘Yeah,’ Yaz said, looking up into the concerned green eyes. ‘Might go to bed, actually, got a bit of a head wonk.’

‘It’ll wear off in a few hours,’ the Doctor reassured her, and Yaz frowned at her.

‘Are  _ you  _ alright?’ she asked. ‘Not to be impolite but you’re looking a bit knackered as well.’

‘Me? Yeah, I’m fine. Always fine. Don’t need to worry about me.’ The Doctor straightened up and stretched her arms up over her head, observing her little fam. She smiled at them but it didn't quite meet her eyes. ‘You guys all look exhausted. Early night for you. Leisure planet in the morning.’

‘Night, Doc,’ Graham called from the door, her head bent back over the TARDIS console again. She looked up and smiled at him, before dropping her head back down again, immersed in the inner workings of her time machine.

Yaz fully intended to have a shower when she got back to her room but as soon as she opened the door and saw her bed she fell on it, fully clothed, eyes sliding shut of their own accord.

She could hear Graham and Ryan talking in the corridor before the doors to their rooms opened and shut and there was silence, the only audible sound being the gentle hum of the TARDIS around her. 

* * *

Yaz woke up a few hours later uncomfortable, her keys from her pocket digging painfully into her hip. Why she even brought the keys with her she wasn’t sure, it wasn’t like she could use them to open any doors other than her own. The familiar weight of them in her pocket was more a safety blanket than for any practical use, although she supposed they could be used as a weapon if the worst came to the worst.

Yaz stood sleepily and pulled her clothes off to change into her pyjamas, quickly running a brush through her hair and going into her little en-suite to brush her teeth, scrutinising her tired face in the mirror. 

Once back in bed, she rolled up in her duvet and closed her eyes, the pain in her head not quite gone, the exhaustion in her mind not quite sated.

And then she heard the sounds from next door.

Moaning, occasional thumps, quiet muttering. Not the usual nighttime sounds she’s used to.

Yaz sat up and pressed her ear against the wall. There was no room next to hers, not as far as she was aware, and whoever was in there sounded like they were in pain.

She climbed out of bed and crossed the floor, opening the door to stand in the corridor and staring in surprise at the blue door that had appeared next to hers, the blue door that definitely hadn’t been there earlier in the night. She looked up at the TARDIS ceiling and the ship hummed slightly louder in response. The Doctor said the TARDIS moved rooms around for a joke, to keep everyone on the ship active and herself entertained, but Yaz knew that sometimes there was more to it than that, like when she’d stumbled out into the corridor a few days ago, desperate for painkillers, and the medical room had magically appeared opposite hers. 

She heard someone cry out from inside the room and she carefully put her hand on the handle, the door opening smoothly under her fingertips. It was dark inside but she could just about make out a shape on the bed, the duvet kicked off and lying on the floor. She caught a flash of blonde hair as the figure shivered and Yaz knew immediately who it was.

‘Doctor?’

The blonde hair turned towards her and Yaz saw her friend’s eyes, glassy and unfocused, searching for her face.

‘Oh, hey, Yaz.’

Yaz closed the door and stepped into the room, the TARDIS raising the lights slightly, and the Doctor put her hands over her face in response. She looked awful. Pale and clammy, hair stringy and messy around her face, curled in the fetal position in a vest top and pyjama shorts. She was shaking but Yaz didn't think it was from the cold.

Yaz sat down next to her and dropped a hand into her hair, gently stroking it away from her forehead. She’d never been this intimate with the Doctor before, they’d had the odd hug but that was it, but the Doctor moved up into her touch and sighed before a violent shudder took her and she cried out in pain.

‘What’s wrong?’ Yaz asked. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘Planet,’ the Doctor managed through gritted teeth. ‘Made me ill.’

‘You’ve gotten ill from… a planet?’

The Doctor nodded miserably and Yaz stood up to pick the duvet up from the floor, draping it over her friend and leaving it around her waist, the Doctor curling more into herself and pressed her forehead into the mattress, eyes screwed tightly shut.

‘What’s it done to you?’ Yaz asked quietly. ‘Why aren’t I ill as well?’

‘You’re not a telepath,’ the Doctor mumbled. ‘It got into my head, psychotropic waves, couldn’t block it out without the neuro-balancers, I tried but it was too strong.’

‘What can I do?’ Yaz asked desperately as the Doctor shivered again, the palms of her hands pressed tightly into her yes.

‘Nothing,’ she said sadly. ‘I need to get it out my head. I’m doing it now but it’s  _ really  _ strong, taking me longer than I thought it would.’

The Doctor looked up at her, green eyes watering in pain. ‘You should go back to bed, Yaz,’ she said. ‘I’ll be fine in the morning, hopefully.’

‘If you think I’m leaving you in this state,’ Yaz said, climbing into bed and pulling the Doctor into her arms. ‘You’re wrong.’

She half-expected the Doctor to pull away, worried she’d gone a step too far, but instead the Doctor burrowed into her, pressing her head against Yaz’s chest as another violent shudder wracked her small frame.

Yaz pulled the duvet up over them and the TARDIS turned the lights off, the Doctor settling against her as Yaz gently rubbed her back. 

‘Thanks, Yaz,’ she mumbled into her neck, the sensation of her hot breath against Yaz’s skin sending tingles through her. 

‘Get some rest,’ Yaz whispered, holding her tightly. 

* * *

Yaz woke up slowly with the sun, which confused her. Her room had no windows and the only way she knew it was time to get up was when the TARDIS slowly started to raise the lights. But this light was sunlight, Yaz was sure of it.

She looked up and noticed, for the first time, that there wasn’t a ceiling in the Doctor’s room, only a faint shimmer and then the beautiful purple and pink tones of a sunrise above them. There were three moons in the sky, slowly fading as the sky brightened, and Yaz wondered what planet it was she was currently looking at.

There was a mumble and movement from next to her and Yaz looked down to see the Doctor still settled in her arms, finally asleep. Blonde hair fell into her face and her lips were parted slightly, cheeks sleep-pink as she breathed softly against Yaz’s skin. 

Yaz could feel her heart beating fast in her chest as she looked down at her friend, snuffling adorably in her sleep. She was warm and soft and the weight of her felt so right. Yaz wished she could start every morning like this. 

Yaz gently raised a hand to run the soft strands of the Doctor’s hair through her fingers, the blonde catching the light of the rising sun above them and turning the colour golden. 

The Doctor’s eyes blinked open and she looked groggily up at Yaz, before closing them and sighing softly. 

‘Morning,’ she mumbled. 

‘You feeling better?’ Yaz asked.

‘Hmm.’ A nod, so imperceptible Yaz only knew it had happened when she felt the Doctor’s head move against her. 

‘Got the planet out your head?’

Another nod. 

‘You going back to sleep?’

‘Don’t you dare move,’ the Doctor mumbled, shuffling herself closer to Yaz and sighing happily. 

‘Wouldn’t dream of it,’ Yaz said, snuggling down next to her and pulling her close.

She could get used to this.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing the Thasmin Secret Santa on Tumblr so I'll be posting an EXTREMELY FLUFFY chapter on Christmas Day! I'm super excited to see what everyone thinks :)


	34. Thasmin Secret Santa!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As part of the Thasmin Holiday Gift Exchange on Tumblr for my secret santa. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

‘CHRISTMAS DAY!’ the Doctor yelled, flinging her arms open wide as she stepped through the doors of the TARDIS.

‘Woah,’ said Ryan behind her, staring around at the lights, the decorations, the sheer decadence of the beach they now found themselves on. The twin suns in the sky shone down brightly and it was a perfect, cloudless day. The party was already in full swing and there was upbeat music playing and the sound of drunken laughter and chatter. 

‘And they do this every year?’ Graham said, staring wide eyed at an alien with six arms and four legs who scuttled past, giving him an odd look.

‘Yep. It’s a tradition. Biggest Christmas bash in the galaxy. Free drinks and food, non-stop partying till at  _ least  _ midday Boxing Day, although we don’t have to stay that long, and they don’t call it Boxing Day here, and a live band. They’ve got the Prazzaphones this year.  _ Amazing.  _ I saw them live. Or I will see them live, not sure, need to check. Definitely one or the other though.’

The Doctor turned to grin at them and Yaz felt her heart skip a beat. She looked absolutely adorable in her blue swimsuit, a silver skirt covering most of her legs, a floppy sun hat perched on her blonde head and the most ridiculous pair of shades on her face. She wiggled her gold-painted toenails in the sand (which she’d insisted Yaz paint for her) and Yaz looked down at her own feet, also barefoot, her toes painted a sparkling silver colour. 

‘Right, come on then you lot. Lets get some drinks. Oh, do not drink or eat  _ anything  _ unless I tell you it’s safe. Lots of different species here. See her over there?’

The three humans turned to see where she was pointing. A blue alien was unabashedly flirting with what looked like a giant crab and the Doctor gestured towards the drink in her hand.

‘She’s a Lupo, her species mainly drink antifreeze so be careful. Right, come on then!’

She headed off across the beach, arms swinging happily by her sides and the three humans followed close behind her, Yaz catching up to walk by her side, the sand soft beneath her toes, the sun bright and hot above them.

The Doctor poked at her bare shoulder. Yaz was wearing a swimming costume too but had a blue sleeveless dress over the top, her shoulders out in the sun.

‘You’ve got suncream on, right?’ the Doctor asked, frowning. ‘Sunburn from twin suns isn’t fun.’

‘Yes,’ Yaz said, nudging her playfully. ‘You went on about it long enough. I plastered myself in the stuff.’

‘Good.’ The Doctor grinned. ‘Really looking forward to getting a tan in this body, haven’t had a lot of luck in my other ones.’

Yaz shared a look with Ryan and Graham. None of them had the heart to tell her that she was absolutely, almost definitely, more than likely going to go beetroot red. Yaz tugged at the Doctor’s sun hat so it covered the back of her neck a bit better, just as a precaution. 

A humanoid alien with skin that looked as though it were made of diamonds greeted them, draping leis in the style of christmas wreaths over their necks and handing them a glass of something which, after being thoroughly sniffed by the Doctor, was deemed safe. 

‘Non-alcoholic, fruit juice I think. Maybe roberry? Do you have roberries on Earth? No? You’re missing out. Similar to oranges but red, and sweeter.’

Graham immediately gravitated to the food table and Yaz watched as the Doctor pointed out what was safe to eat. She felt a flip in her stomach when she saw the Doctor’s back. Usually covered in t-shirts and a coat, the swimming costume she was wearing was secured in a bow behind her neck and there was an expanse of bare skin before the fabric reappeared further down in the small of her back. Her strong back and shoulders were on display and Yaz couldn’t take her eyes off the toned muscles under her skin. Ryan noticed and gave her a cheeky grin.

‘Oh shut up,’ Yaz muttered, taking another sip of her fruit juice. It was incredibly sweet but in a good way, the cool liquid refreshing her. 

‘Is that volleyball?’ Ryan asked the Doctor. He pointed to a group of aliens in front of them, both humanoid and non-humanoid, that were smacking a ball over a net with their hands, bouncing from side to side. 

‘Yes!’ the Doctor exclaimed excitedly. ‘Or close enough, rules are the same. Shall we join in?’

She grabbed Yaz’s hand and started tearing off towards the group, leaving Graham to stand by the food buffet with his plate of food, munching happily. Ryan tried to protest, saying that his coordination problems didn't really go well with anything that involved  _ hitting  _ something, but the Doctor managed to reassure him enough into at least giving it a go. 

The group welcomed the newcomers and the Doctor enthusiastically threw herself into the game, directing Yaz and Ryan as to where to stand and quickly explaining the rules as they went along, keeping Ryan slightly behind her until he felt more confident to come out and play on the front line. Ryan soon forgot that he was on another planet and his opponents were actual aliens. He felt like he was in a PE lesson again in the gym with his mates at school, and he cheered loudly when the Doctor scored a point by bouncing the ball off her head. Even Yaz, who he remembered always having an aversion to sports class, was having a good time and she got a high five from an alien with one giant thumb instead of a hand after scoring a point. 

The game ended abruptly when the ball smacked Yaz in the side of the head but she laughed it off and looked ready to keep going, despite the Doctor and Ryan crowding over her. Fortunately it was at that moment that the band started to play, and Ryan inspected her head while the Doctor dashed off to grab her some ice. She was flushed but grinning broadly and looked extremely proud of herself.

‘You two were  _ awesome,’  _ the Doctor said on her return, pressing the ice she’d wrapped up in a napkin to the side of Yaz’s head and holding it there firmly. ‘You’ve done your planet proud.’ 

‘Aw, thanks,’ Ryan said, chuffed. 

The beach was busier now as more people arrived, forming small groups as they chatted together, dancing to the music or swimming in the ocean. Some of the aliens from their team were stripping off to get into the ocean while the others had started to dance along to the music. If Yaz had to describe the tunes they were playing, she would have gone with a mixture of indie, jazz, and just a hint of techno.

‘Great game, guys!’ Graham said, wandering over to them having apparently finished snacking. ‘You got some awesome hits in.’

The Doctor was frowning at Yaz and pressed a hand to her forehead, Yaz trying not to make a sound at the sensation of the Doctor’s skin against hers. The ice pressed against her head was melting, dripping cold water onto her hot skin and Yaz tried to concentrate on that rather than the Doctor’s warm green eyes as they scrutinised her. 

‘You’re too warm,’ the Doctor declared. ‘Need to cool down. Shall we go for a swim?’

She definitely needed to cool down, probably not in the way the Doctor was thinking though. 

* * *

That evening found the four of them lying on the beach in their swimwear sipping something that tasted like, but apparently wasn’t, cocktails. The twin suns were setting the water on fire as they set, the sky a dusky pink colour, the water shining silver in front of them. Stars were starting to flicker into existence in the sky and the Doctor was excitedly talking about the constellations that were appearing above their heads.

The Prazzaphones had taken the stage for their evening set and Yaz tapped her foot along happily to the music. They sounded like a big band and the singer had an amazing crooner’s voice, although Yaz didn't recognise any of the instruments they were playing. 

‘Madam, we have a table ready for your group if you’d like to have a sit down meal?’ the diamond-skinned waitress said, approaching their little group.

The Doctor didn't respond, happily humming along to the music and it took a small elbow from Graham for her to realise she was being spoken to. 

‘Right! Madam. Yes. That’s me. Come on then, fam.’

Yaz tugged her dress back over her head and tried not to stare at the Doctor as she shimmed her long silver skirt back over her hips. Her hair had dried curly from the salty water and her freckles had come out in force, delicately littering her nose and shoulders. Yaz hadn’t realised that the Doctor even had freckles, but she fancied that if she connected the ones along her back she’d be able to draw a star. She was just wondering if the Doctor would let her give it a go, for science of course, when Ryan nudged her. 

‘Make sure you get a dance in after dinner, yeah?’ he asked, looking pointedly between her and the Doctor. 

‘Oh. Um. Maybe. Not a great dancer,’ Yaz protested.

Ryan gestured towards the dance floor where a jellyfish type alien was waving its tentacles around and making a ‘wibble wobble’ sound, its torso moving like jelly.

‘I see your point,’ Yaz agreed after a moment’s reflection. 

Tables had been set out on the sand with lanterns floating above them and the Doctor pulled Yaz’s chair out for her as she sat down. Christmas wreaths and tinsel were decorated throughout the dining area and there was a massive tree on the stage, a silver star glinting on the top of it. They were quite near the front of the stage and Yaz was able to get a better look at the musicians. They were humanoid but with bird heads. The singer was a parrot and Yaz also spotted a Raven, Pigeon, Blackbird and Eagle. 

‘They’re from Avaria,’ the Doctor explained, noticing she was looking. ‘Amazing planet. Remind me to take you there. They communicate in chirps and whistles and - well - other bird noises. But they’re amazing mimics, can copy almost any other language in the galaxy. Hence why the singer is a parrot.’

‘What’s the lyrics?’ Ryan asked. 

‘The TARDIS will translate it,’ the Doctor said. ‘You just have to listen really carefully.’

She almost laughed as the three humans perked up like meerkats, ears pointed in the direction of the band as they concentrated. The diamond-skinned waitress came over again to get their food order and Yaz heard the Doctor double check a few things on the menu with her while she concentrated on the parrot-singer.

_ Under the starlight sky it’s only you. Take me through the universe, take me into outer space, take me through the galaxies it would still be only you.  _

‘What’s the song about?’ Graham asked.

‘It’s a love song,’ the Doctor explained. ‘The protagonist is telling his love he could take her “through the universe” to see all the beautiful experiences it has to offer, but none of them would be as beautiful as her.’

‘What a romantic,’ Graham said, appreciatively.

Yaz felt a hot flush growing in her belly and she suddenly became very interested in the bottle on their table, half submerged in a bucket of ice. The Doctor inspected the label, pulled the top off and gave it a sniff.

‘Anti-freeze. Don’t drink it,’ she said, wrinkling her nose. 

The waitress came over with plates of food and laid them out on the table. Yaz recognised bread and some vegetables but most of it was a mystery to her. 

‘All suitable for humans so dig in,’ the Doctor said, already piling her plate high with a mystery substance that looked like beef but smelt like cinnamon. ‘That one’s halal, Yaz,’ she gestured towards a bowl on Yaz’s left. 

‘They have halal all the way out here?’ she said, astonished. 

‘Of course! When you invite the whole universe to a Christmas party you’ve gotta make sure they’ve got stuff to eat.’

The food was delicious, Yaz couldn’t deny that, and the atmosphere was fantastic as they tucked in, the waitress swapping the bottle of antifreeze for something more human-appropriate. It had gone dark but the beach was brilliantly illuminated in lights, the stars and three moons above them reflecting in the water of the ocean. It was still warm and Yaz found herself watching the Doctor as she chatted to Graham over pudding.

‘... absolutely! Remind me when we get back to the TARDIS. We’ll have to see him in the Cotton Club though. If you’re going to see Duke properly, it needs to be there.’

She was electric, her curly blond hair swinging against her chin, eyes lit up and animated as she chatted about her favourite topic - history. She’d burnt a little on the tip of her nose and her shoulders but the factor 200 suncream she’d insisted they all slather themselves in had done its job well, and her pale skin was a little more brown than usual. 

The band was playing a slow song, some of the guests already up on the dance floor swaying softly to the music, and Yaz felt her heart stutter when she felt a foot brush against hers.

‘Oops, sorry, Yaz,’ the Doctor said apologetically, before going back to speaking to Graham about the best jazz singers of the 1950’s.

Yaz suddenly felt emboldened and she sought her friend’s foot out, lightly pressing their toes together under the table.

The Doctor faltered in her story of that time she’d stolen Sinatra’s trilby hat on a dare, but she carried on regardless and didn't move her foot away. In fact if anything she pressed in a little harder. 

Yaz could feel her heart beating quickly in her chest as she moved her foot up the Doctor’s until it hit the soft skin of her leg.

The Doctor’s breath hitched but she managed to turn it into a cough as Yaz gently slipped her foot under the Doctor’s skirt and traced the outline of her calf with her toe, feeling the taunt muscle underneath.

Graham turned to Ryan to ask him something and the Doctor caught Yaz’s eye. She looked confused but there was a glint in her eyes and Yaz grinned, suddenly feeling bold. 

The grin turned to a gasp when the Doctor lifted her leg up and rested it on the top of Yaz’s knee, and she copied the Doctor in pretending to cough, reaching for her glass of water when Graham and Ryan immediately asked if she was okay, the Doctor grinning cheekily from ear-to-ear.

‘Fancy a dance, Yaz?’ she asked, innocently. 

 

On the dance floor, under the lights twinkling above them and with the band playing something that sounded suspiciously like  _ Blue Christmas,  _ Yaz found herself suddenly unable to look the Doctor in the face. 

‘You got a crush on me, Yaz?’ the Doctor asked suddenly.

Yaz looked up at the sky, the stars twinkling above them, trying to ignore the feeling of the Doctor’s hands on her, one on her waist and the other clutching her hand as they danced slowly. 

‘Oi,’ the Doctor said, playfully nudging Yaz in the side. ‘Earth to Yaz.’

Yaz dared a peak at the Doctor’s inquisitive face, illuminated in the soft light from the lanterns and the christmas tree. There was a smile tugging at her lips and she looked so utterly beautiful with her hair curled and shining, the small sunburnt mark on her nose, the delicate curves of her hips in the swimming costume that were usually hidden from view. Yaz felt her heart beat even faster. 

‘Um.’

‘Um?’ the Doctor raised an eyebrow. ‘Unless you’ve suddenly started speaking Umlan, which is possible considering you just said “shirt” in it, I don’t think that’s an answer.’

‘“Um” means “shirt”?’ Yaz asked, more interested in this new alien language than the Doctor’s question.

‘Well when you say it like that it means “butts”,’ the Doctor said, laughing. ‘You gotta get the tone right with Umlan or you could end up saying all sorts. Buuuuuut, doesn’t answer my question. I could go first, if you want?’

‘Go first?’

‘Yeah. You know. Cause I’ve got a crush on you.’

Yaz’s mouth suddenly went very dry. ‘Wait - you’ve got a crush on  _ me?’ _

‘Why did you say it like that?’ the Doctor asked, surprised. 

‘Like what?’

‘Like you’re surprised.’

‘I am surprised!’ Yaz forced herself to keep looking at the Doctor’s face, even though her cheeks were reddening and she wanted nothing more than to spring back to the safety of the TARDIS, hide under her duvet, and pretend like none of this ever happened.

The Doctor lifted her hand from Yaz’s waist to stroke her forehead gently, her fingers running over the tender mark where the volleyball had smacked into her face.

‘How could I not?’ she whispered, gently. ‘You’re  _ brilliant.’ _

Yaz still wanted to hide under the duvet, but this time she wanted the Doctor there too.

Yaz swallowed and tried to keep her breathing under control as she looked at the Doctor, the blonde’s eyes dark and almost impossible to read. 

‘Don’t leave me hanging here, Yaz,’ the Doctor said nervously, and Yaz realised she was waiting for an answer. 

‘Oh shut up and come here,’ she said, grabbing the Doctor’s face in her hands and leaning forwards to press their lips together. She dimly heard cheering coming from their table but she tuned it out, tuned out all sound around then, focusing only on the warmth of the Doctor’s skin under her palms, the softness of her lips, the feel of the Doctor’s hands tightly gripping her waist and pulling her closer. With their bodies pressed together she could feel the Doctor’s hearts beating out the samba against her chest and she tangled her fingers in the blonde’s hair, feeling the dried salt from the ocean in the thick strands.

She risked peeking her eyes open but closed them again when she saw the Doctor’s were shut, her mouth working against Yaz’s, her tongue slipping inside, wet and hot and so incredible the sensations made Yaz’s legs turn to jelly. The Doctor’s hand on Yaz’s hip was tracing lazy circles through the thin fabric of her dress 

The band finished their song and started playing another, more up tempo, tune, and Yaz pulled away, cheeks flushed and breathing hard, the Doctor grinning cheekily at her, her lips swollen and pink. They rested their foreheads together, ignoring the other dancers around them, focusing only on each other. Yaz wrapped her fingers around the Doctor’s wrist to feel her pulse, the twin hearts pounding away in her chest, her face flushed but glowing.

The Doctor lazily moved her head up to kiss Yaz’s forehead and squeezed her hands tightly. The music swelled as the band played but Yaz felt as though the music was coming from underwater, she was so wrapped up in her own little bubble with the Doctor she didn't feel as though anything else outside of them even existed. 

‘How do you want to explain this to the boys?’ the Doctor asked, shyly, and Yaz laughed.

‘Do you want to feign ignorance?’ she asked.

‘Ooh that could be fun. You mean pretend it never happened and we have no idea what they’re talking about?’

‘Yes! Just like that.’

They started to walk back to their table, hands entwined, Ryan and Graham suddenly becoming very interested in their cutlery when they spotted the two women walking over.

The Doctor paused halfway back to their friends and looked down at their conjoined hands.

‘Can I just check…’ she asked. ‘Me and you aren’t going to pretend like nothing happened? It  _ did  _ happen, didn't it?’

‘Yes,’ Yaz said, smiling, ‘And it is definitely going to happen again.’

The Doctor’s smile was wide and Yaz couldn’t resist reaching up to kiss her again, pulling her close and wrapping her arms around that figure she’d been admiring all evening, hands roaming the bare skin of the Doctor’s back.

‘Did you know that if you matched up the freckles on your back you’d get a star?’ Yaz asked against the Doctor’s lips.

The Doctor gasped and pulled away from her, eyes lighting up, face full of excitement.

‘Get a sharpie. We’re doing this. For science, obviously.’

‘Yes,’ Yaz said, smiling up at her girlfriend(?), suddenly unable to stop. ‘For science.’ 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	35. the crib looking victorian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the TARDIS herself makes an appearance...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW AMAZING WAS RESOLUTION???!!!
> 
> Little bit of backstory - the TARDIS team is being chased through the time vortex by some aliens they annoyed. Doesn't really matter who, you can decide :)

‘Can’t this thing go any faster?’

‘Don’t call her a thing, Graham! And what do you think I’m doing?!’

The TARDIS spun widely out of control, sending the three human occupants crashing to the ground. The Doctor gripped her controls tightly, maintaining her balance as her ship sparked and lurched from side to side, throwing itself through the vortex and juddering violently. 

‘How fast are we going?’ Ryan asked, hauling himself to his feet and gripping onto the console next to the Doctor as she manically turned dials and flipped switches, the TARDIS responding under her touch, the hum of its engines turning into a groan as she coaxed more speed from it. 

‘Difficult to say in human terms. Fast. Very fast.’

‘Faster than the speed of light?’

‘Yes, Ryan. A lot faster than the speed of light. We left the speed of light in our dust ages ago.’

The ship sparked under Ryan’s hands and he yelped and jumped back, clinging to one of the crystalline pillars that framed the console instead.

‘You said we could lose them in the vortex!’ Yaz protested from another pillar, where she’d wrapped all four limbs around it like a snake.

‘We can! They’ve locked onto the TARDIS I’m trying to shake them off,’ the Doctor yelled desperately, the ship lurching to one side and almost knocking her over. ‘Just hold on!’

A new noise joined the din of klaxons, alarms and general sounds of distress. A noise like something powering up, a vibrating sound that set Graham’s teeth on edge.

‘What the hell is that?’ he yelled.

‘Weapons powering up!’

‘This ship has weapons?!’

‘Not mine! Theirs! Yaz, get away from the - ‘

An explosion wracked the ship and flung the four of them violently to the ground. Yaz just had time to hear the Doctor scream her name before she was flung out of what used to be the TARDIS doors into the time vortex.

 

* * *

 

Then there was nothing.

Although that wasn’t completely true. It wasn’t  _ nothing,  _ it was white. Completely white. Pure, brilliant white. The noise from the console room was gone. No alarms, no shouting, no frantic screams from her friends. Just nothing.

‘Um… hello?’ Yaz called into the nothing, hearing her own voice bouncing back. ‘Am I dead?’

The whiteness began to fade into colour and soon Yaz found herself standing in a room she didn't recognise. It was cosy and there was a fire blazing, sending shadows sprawling across the room. It resembled a sitting room with sofas and armchairs. There were clocks lining the walls and instruments Yaz didn't recognise on the mantelpiece and shelves. Books were stacked haphazardly on top of each other, photo-frames with people Yaz didn't recognise in them were displayed around the room and there was a desk with paper strewn across it in those strange circular symbols that popped up everywhere in the TARDIS, the Doctor’s long-lost language. 

‘Hello?’ Yaz called softly. ‘Is anyone here?’

She stepped over to the desk and was pleasantly surprised to find a polaroid of her and the Doctor sitting up against a quill pot. It had been taken recently on Flavia 5, a favourite leisure planet of the Doctor’s, and the two of them were lying on a beach in swimwear holding those delicious mocktails that Graham couldn’t get enough of, smiling happily into the camera. Ryan had taken the photo and given it to the Doctor, who had beamed at the gift. Yaz had wondered what she’d done with it and she picked it up, smiling at the memory.

There was another photo of a woman with immense curly hair and Yaz reached out her fingers to gently stroke the frame, wondering who the woman was. She was older than Yaz, older than the Doctor appeared, but she was smiling softly at the camera and Yaz knew she must have been very special to the Doctor to earn a place on her desk.

_ Does that mean I’m special too? _

‘There you are!’

Yaz spun around and came face to face with a strangely dressed woman with long dark hair piled on top of her head, wearing a raggedy dress and a corset that looked straight out of the Victorian era, fixing her with a peculiar gaze. 

‘Um, hello?’ Yaz tried.

The woman gave a short laugh and bounded up to Yaz, gripping her hands tightly. ‘Hello! What a wonderful word. I love words. I love saying hello. Hello, Ryan!’

‘I’m Yaz…’ Yaz said unsure, feeling uncomfortable under this strange woman’s intense look.

‘Of course! Yaz! The favourite! You humans all look the same to me, no easily-identifiable markings. It’s most confusing.’ 

‘The favourite?’

‘How did you get in here? I’m sure I didn't aim to put you in here. My thief doesn’t usually allow anyone to go into this room, though of course you would be the first.’

‘Your thief?’

‘Yes! You know him. Or her! She’s a her now! How amazing. She thought it was the gender change I took offence to, she thought that was the reason I threw her out! It isn’t. She blew up my control room. I was cross.’

Yaz, thoroughly confused now, was trying to make sense of this bizarre woman’s ramblings. 

‘Who are you?’ she asked, deciding that, out of all her questions, that was probably the most important one and hopefully the easiest to answer.

‘Who am I? Oh gosh. That depends on who you ask really.’

_ Maybe not. _

‘I’m Idris! No wait. That was the other woman’s name… Sexy! I’m Sexy!’

‘Sexy…?’

‘Yes! That’s me. That’s what my thief calls me. Sexy. Nice to meet you, Yaz. Oh I do love saying hello!’

Yaz suddenly bent over, pain shooting through her gut with a burning so intense she almost fell to the floor in agony. 

‘Oh! Oh dear. My fault. Wasted time on saying hello. Come on, Yaz. Places to be.’

She gripped Yaz’s arm and the pain vanished as suddenly as it had appeared, leaving Yaz breathless.

‘What was that?’ she asked, looking around the room as though someone was hiding in the shadows.

‘We need to get you out of here,’ the woman said. ‘You’re not safe here, this was only supposed to be a temporary fix.’

‘Temporary fix?’

The woman was rushing Yaz along, through the room and out into the corridor, holding onto the human as she hurried them through the long labyrinth of corridors that made up the inner rooms of the TARDIS.

‘I saved you,’ she said, pulling Yaz through the kitchen and then  _ through the wall,  _ Yaz crying out as she waited for the impact that never came, appearing on the other side in what looked like Ryan’s bedroom before she was tugged through that wall and into the library.

‘Saved me?’

‘Yes. Literally, not figuratively. You were flung into the time vortex, I saved you to my databanks. Sort of. Not really but if that helps you understand it then that’s how I did it.’

‘Who  _ are  _ you?!’

They were in Graham’s room now, then the squash court, then the living room, then, finally, the console room and Yaz stared wide eyed. 

Her friends were frozen, the Doctor with both arms thrown out in front of her, reaching towards what used to be the TARDIS’s doors but was now a huge hole, the time vortex brilliant in front of them.

Ryan was on the floor but he too had an arm stretched out towards the door, Graham too from the pillar he was hanging onto with dear life, panic and fright plastered all across their faces.

‘What a mess!’ the woman exclaimed, marching to the hole were the doors used to be and frowning crossly at it. ‘This is going to take me ages to fix.’

Yaz was standing in front of the Doctor. She tried to reach out a hand to touch her friend’s cheek, the pain and desperation in the Doctor’s eyes too much for her to bear, but her hand went straight through, a strange golden glow clinging to her fingers as she pulled it back and stared at it.

‘You won’t be able to touch them,’ the woman said, crossing over to the console and flipping a few switches, moving levers and manipulating the controls. ‘We’re out of phase with reality. It’s how I saved you. We’ll be back in phase in a moment.’

The pain struck Yaz again and she collapsed to her knees, a pained gasp leaving her lips as she clutched her belly. 

‘Hang on, Yaz!’ the woman said. ‘Almost done it.’

‘Done what? Who are you?’ Yaz gasped as the woman helped her back to her feet and positioned her behind the Doctor.

‘Why, Yaz,’ she said, smiling widely. ‘I’m the TARDIS.’

Then she shoved her, hard, and Yaz fell.

And fell. And fell. And fell.

 

* * *

 

And finally crashed into the Doctor, throwing them both to the ground, Yaz landing awkwardly on top of her friend as the Doctor stared up at her from the ground, her hands coming up to wrap in Yaz’s hair as though she couldn’t believe what had just happened.

‘But you were flung out the TARDIS! How did you  _ do  _ that?’ she said, shocked.

‘What the actual hell?’ Ryan yelled, picking himself up from the floor and staring at Yaz as the vortex swirled and flashed through the hole in the ship, the alarms getting louder and more urgent. 

Then, suddenly, there was a bright flash of golden light and the four occupants were flung through the hole, landing on soft green grass outside, the Doctor immediately getting to her feet and sprinting towards the ship which dematerialised before she was able to reach it. 

‘WHAT IS GOING ON,’ Graham yelled. 

The Doctor, faced scrunched in annoyance at her ship’s sudden disappearing act, ran back to Yaz and gripped her by the arms tightly, leaning in to sniff her neck.

‘Oi!’ Yaz protested when the Doctor licked her cheek.

‘You  _ reek  _ of artron energy,’ the Doctor said, pulling back. ‘What happened? You were flung into the time vortex then into me. What happened in between? Where did you go? Why do you smell like pure, undiluted time?’

‘I don’t know!’ Yaz yelled, stepping back out of the Doctor’s reach. ‘I am so very confused right now and I can’t think straight and my head  _ hurts.’ _

Then the Doctor’s arms were around her and she was pulling Yaz tightly against her. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered gently in Yaz’s ear. ‘I was so sure we’d lost you for a moment there.’

Yaz wrapped her arms around the Doctor’s waist and buried her head into her shoulder, focusing on the gentle double beats of the Doctor’s hearts, trying to calm herself down. She felt Ryan’s hand on her back and Graham patting her arm. 

‘Where’s the TARDIS?’ Ryan asked. 

‘Probably gone off in a sulk to repair herself,’ the Doctor replied. ‘She’ll be back. Probably with a written warning and a strop on.’

‘She was really annoyed,’ Yaz said, her voice muffled through the Doctor’s coat. 

She felt her friend freeze beneath her and the Doctor pulled back slightly from the hug to look quizzically at Yaz. 

‘Where did you go, Yaz?’ she asked gently. 

‘I don’t know. I was in a room with clocks. There was a fire and a photo of a woman with really curly hair on a desk. The photo of me and you was there as well,’ Yaz said. ‘The one of us on the beach.’

‘You were in my sitting room,’ the Doctor said, clearly shocked. ‘How did you get in there?’

‘That’s what she said.’

‘Who’s she?’

‘The weird woman with the bizarre dress sense.’

The Doctor’s eyes opened wide and she stared at Yaz as though her friend had grown an extra head. 

_ ‘What woman with the bizarre dress sense?’ _

‘Doctor, you’re scaring me,’ Yaz said uncertainly, her friend’s hands digging in too tightly to her arms. The Doctor let go immediately and backed away, Graham and Ryan fixing her with odd looks. 

‘I’m sorry, Yaz,’ she said, running a hand through her short hair. ‘It’s just… I think I know who it was you saw, but it shouldn’t be possible. Did she tell you her name?’

Yaz frowned. ‘There was some debate about that. First she said it was Idris, then it was Sexy, and then…’

Yaz paused, remembering what the woman had said before she’d shoved her. But that wasn’t possible, surely? 

‘Yaz…? You okay?’ Ryan said, giving her a gentle nudge.

‘She said she was the TARDIS,’ Yaz said quietly. ‘She took me through all the rooms. Graham’s, Ryan’s, the kitchen, the library. We ended up in the control room and you three were there but you were all frozen, like time had stopped. She moved some controls around and complained about the hole in the door. She said that I was phased out of reality, that she’d saved me to her databanks, then she shoved me and - well - you know what happened next.’

‘How is that possible?’ Graham asked, looking at the Doctor who had gone a very funny colour. ‘How can the TARDIS masquerade herself as a woman and transport Yaz to another reality? How is that possible?’

‘The TARDIS is grown on my planet, Gallifrey,’ the Doctor said. ‘She’s Time Lord technology with a personality, with feelings and emotions and a mind that can’t be contained. She is the living embodiment of time and space itself. There is nothing she can’t do. She must have grabbed Yaz when she was flown through the doors and pulled her into a different reality to keep her safe, but a reality inside the TARDIS itself so she had control. She pushed Yaz back through when it was safe, when she’d gotten us out of danger and we could land.’

‘The TARDIS rescued Yaz,’ Ryan said slowly. 

‘Yes,’ the Doctor said. ‘She did. She rescued all of us.’

‘Where are we?’ Graham asked, looking around at their surroundings.

They were stood on top of a hill, the sky bright above them, the grass green under their feet. What looked like a valley stretched out below them and there were no buildings or houses in sight, only streams that forked through the hills and ended in a glorious river at the base of the hill.

The Doctor sniffed the air and immediately bent down and ate the dirt before her three friends could stop her. She chewed it thoughtfully, looking up at the sky, monitoring the position of the sun. 

‘New Zealand, 2019,’ she announced eventually. ‘Nice spot for a rest. The TARDIS has taken herself off for repairs but she’ll be back soon, just dropped us off somewhere we could hang out for a bit.’ 

‘She’s good like that,’ Yaz said, smiling up at the Doctor.

 

* * *

 

The TARDIS rematerialised a few hours later when they were eating the sandwiches that Graham had retrieved from his pocket. They’d spent that time swimming in the river or walking through the valley, admiring the foliage and the beauty of the area around them. 

The Doctor immediately jumped up and flung herself towards the ship, the new doors opening automatically at her touch. 

Yaz hung back a bit so she was the last one in, gently stroking the wood of the doors as she crossed the threshold into the ship, the air humming at her arrival. 

The Doctor had thrown herself across the console with her arms spread wide, as though she were trying to hug the TARDIS. Graham and Ryan had gone off to put the kettle on and Yaz could hear the Doctor whispering muffled ‘thank you’s and ‘sorry’s to the console, the controls bleeping and whirring under her. 

‘How do I say thank you?’ Yaz asked, standing behind the Doctor, who stood up and smiled broadly at her. 

‘You just say it,’ the blonde replied. ‘She can hear you.’

‘Well then, thank you,’ Yaz said, looking up at the time rotor. ‘Thank you for saving me.’

The ship clicked and whirred and the Doctor laughed, her eyes bright and her smile wide.

‘What did she say?’ Yaz asked. 

The Doctor pulled Yaz tightly against her and dropped a kiss into her hair. 

‘She said you’re welcome. And don’t do it again.’ 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question - I feel like I need to round off Glorious before the number of chapters gets out of control. I would immediately start a new series of one-shots, probably Glorious II or something. What do people think?
> 
> ladybugbear2- I don't think I managed to sneak any Hamilton references into this chapter! I'll try harder next time ;)


	36. I feel glorious, glorious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF CHILD DEATH.
> 
> (I swear I didn't mean this chapter to get so dark!)
> 
> I think this will be the last one and I'll start a Glorious II to prevent the amount of chapters from getting ridiculously long. Thank you so much to everyone who stuck with it! There will be more :)

It had been a long day. 

The Doctor had promised them the sparkling waters of Oceana II, one of the last few ocean planets in the Lagoona system and it had been absolutely beautiful. They’d swam in the water and had ice creams on the beach, soaking up the sun and enjoying the smell of the fresh sea air. It was when they were out taking their last swim of the day before heading back to the small seaside town to find some dinner that the alarms had begun to sound.

They’d been separated from the Doctor in the ensuing panic as everyone swam frantically back to shore, the alarms warning them of the incoming tsunami ringing out across the bay as lifeboats appeared around them, scooping people out of the water. 

‘Go! I’ll be right behind you!’ the Doctor had yelled, practically throwing Yaz into one of the lifeboats with the other two humans, the captain pushing her away with a sad shake of his head. The lifeboat was full.

‘Doctor!’ Ryan had yelled. ‘We’re not leaving you!’ The boat was already moving away leaving the Doctor stood in waist high water as the ocean churned violently around her, the sky darkening as the clouds swirled and turned grey.

‘Yes you are! Once you’re back on land find the TARDIS! She’ll protect you!’

Yaz had screamed her name until she was a tiny figure in the distance and couldn’t possibly hear her. Graham and Ryan had had to practically drag her from the boat once it had reached the shore and they followed the other inhabitants of the world as they fled across the once beautiful beach towards the town, the sand now littered with abandoned buggies and towels, picnics and spades left abandoned.

They were met at the bottom of the small town by important looking officials with clipboards directing the flow of the crowd towards the shelters, the screams and cries of children and their families filling the air.

‘Our friend is still out there,’ Graham said, grasping the arm of one of the men. ‘She couldn’t get on the lifeboat, it was full.’

‘We have people searching the water,’ the man reassured him. ‘If she’s still there, they’ll find her.’

‘If she’s still there,’ Ryan said, the colour draining from his face.

‘The tsunami hasn’t hit yet, there’s still time, don’t despair,’ the man said, and Yaz got the feeling that this wasn’t the first time the tiny island had been hit by such a catastrophic event. ‘You need to get into the shelters. Follow the people wearing blue jackets, they’ll take you there.’

‘No, we need to find the TARDIS! It’s on the other side of the island,’ Yaz protested.

‘You’ll never get to the other side in time,’ the man’s colleague said. ‘Now hurry, you’ll be safe in the shelters.’

The shelters were warm but Yaz still shivered in her swimming costume, the other two men in their trunks not doing much better. There were people there handing out towels and blankets and Yaz grabbed a spare one for the Doctor, just in case.

‘She might have gone to another shelter,’ Ryan said as the doors began to close, Graham already running forward to try and convince them to keep the doors open for a few minutes more, the officials shaking their head sadly, They were out of time. 

‘Wait!’ Came a familiar voice, and they halted the closing of the doors long enough for the Doctor to dart inside, her arm around a heavily pregnant young woman who was breathing erratically, almost bent over in agony. They were both soaked to the skin and Yaz ran forward with the spare towel, the Doctor wrapping it around the woman without a moment’s hesitation.

‘Come on, let’s get you lying down, do you see your husband here?’ she asked soothingly, rubbing gentle circles on the woman’s back.

The woman looked around and shook her head frantically. ‘No, he’s not here!’

‘It’s alright, don’t panic,’ Yaz said, taking hold of the woman’s other arm and gently guiding her towards a quiet corner. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Trina.’

‘I’m Yaz. You’re gonna be okay, your husband is probably in one of the other shelters.’

The Doctor and Yaz gently sat Trina down, the floor mercifully clean and dry. A few other women came over to reassure her and the Doctor took the opportunity to give her fam quick reassuring hugs.

‘I’m so happy you’re okay,’ she said, squeezing Yaz tightly. ‘The tsunami is just about to -’

There came a thunderous clap from above them, as though someone had thrown their full weight behind a door and the heads of everyone in the shelter turned upwards to stare at the ceiling, the strong metal supports holding fast against the rush of water. The room shook slightly and Graham grabbed the Doctor’s arm out of habit more than anything as screams sounded and the lights flickered on and off for a few moments before remaining on, the shudders slowly fading away.

‘Is that it?’ Ryan asked, hesitantly. ‘Can we leave?’

‘There’s hundreds of gallons of water above us, Ryan,’ the Doctor said. ‘We can’t leave until the water flows back into the ocean. I overheard some people on the way up there. They have systems in place for tsunamis and it usually takes a good few hours before the water disperses and it’s safe to leave.’

‘You’re freezing,’ Yaz said, suddenly realising that the Doctor, like the majority of people in the shelter, was only in a skimpy one-piece swimming costume and was starting to shake. 

‘I’m fine,’ the Doctor protested when Yaz and Ryan immediately pulled their damp towels off to wrap around her. ‘I don’t feel the cold that much.’

‘Is that why your teeth are chattering?’ Graham asked her, nudging her shoulder with his companionably.

‘She says you’re a doctor!’ came a voice from behind them and they turned to find Trina on her hands and knees, one arm clutched around her waist as she cried in pain. The woman who had spoken was kneeling beside her, a reassuring hand on Trina’s back as she stared pleadingly up at the Doctor. ‘Please, you have to help her!’

‘What’s wrong with her?’ Ryan whispered. ‘Is she in labour?’

‘Yes, Ryan,’ the Doctor said, pulling the towels off her and shoving them at him. ‘She is.’

‘Do you know how to deliver babies, Doc?’ Graham asked. ‘Cause the only experience me and Ryan have is Call the Midwife and helping with baby Avocado, although we didn't really do anything so much as just stand there and do a bit of hand holding.’

‘I keep telling you, Call the Midwife is not experience,’ Ryan protested. 

‘I was there when my chil- uh, I mean I’ve been involved with births before,’ the Doctor said, quickly stopping herself. ‘I understand the basic principles, never had to put it into practice though.’

‘I’ve had a bit of training,’ Yaz said, trying to stop herself from raising her hand. ‘Not much, but we did a bit of training on delivery, just in case an ambulance takes too long to arrive or if someone delivers in a cell. Never thought I’d have to apply it to a tsunami shelter on another planet, though.’

‘Right, come on then you lot,’ the Doctor said, striding purposefully towards Trina with a confident air, which in a wet swimming costume was quite an achievement. ‘Let’s get a shift on.’

* * *

It was much later, the majority of shelter occupants asleep or talking softly to one another, that Yaz was finally able to sit back against the wall and relax.

The Doctor had taken no time at all to deliver Trina’s baby girl, quickly and efficiently talking the other woman through the correct way to breath as she coaxed the baby out into the world, holding her tenderly while Trina got herself into a more comfortable position to hold her child. Graham and Ryan hadn’t missed the look on the Doctor’s face as she’d handed the tiny baby (named Daz unbelievably, after the two women who’d delivered her) over to the new mother, that flash of pain and longing that had gone as quickly as it had appeared. Ryan prayed little baby Daz never googled her name, just in case the company that produces washing powder was the first thing she saw if she did.

The Doctor dropped back against the wall next to Yaz and pressed into her. Trina was asleep with Daz on her chest and Graham and Ryan joined their two friends, carrying over more blankets to make a little nest for them to all rest in.

‘Well done, Doc, Yaz,’ Graham said, the pride strong in his voice. ‘Fantastic job.’

‘You’re actually amazing,’ Ryan said, smiling at the Doctor. ‘Like proper. And as for you, Yaz. I mean - woah.’

The Doctor nudged Yaz, who was half asleep and she gave them a sleepy thumbs up, the Doctor pulling one of the blankets up over the two of them and curling into her friend, head resting against her shoulder. It was still and quiet in the shelter now and a wave of calm had settled over the occupants.

‘What were you about to say earlier, Doc?’ Graham asked, knowing he probably shouldn’t. ‘Cause it sounded like you were about to say that you’d been at the birth of your children.’

The Doctor froze so abruptly that Yaz woke up, blinking in confusion at the three of them. 

‘Everything alright?’ she mumbled.

The Doctor shifted so Yaz’s head was pressed against her shoulder this time, but she said nothing and Yaz stayed awake, sensing some tension.

‘You don’t have to answer that, obviously,’ Graham said quickly. ‘I just wouldn’t want you to think that you ever had to hide anything from us, cause you really don’t.’

‘I hide a lot of things from a lot of people, Graham,’ the Doctor replied, but her voice was soft. ‘Sometimes because I have to, because talking about it would hurt too much or would change your opinion of me. And sometimes because it’s something I’m trying to forget.’

Yaz found the Doctor’s hand under the blanket and squeezed gently, the Doctor reciprocating, her eyes fixed on Yaz’s foot where it poked out from under the blanket but also her gaze somehow so far away.

‘It’s funny, what you said about carrying your family with you,’ Graham said, suddenly. ‘You remember? The first time we met you? Cause I’ve been married before, years and years ago. Ryan and Grace both knew this. Fantastic woman she was, absolutely amazing. Her name was Lucy and I thought the world of her, would have done anything for her. She didn't feel the same about me, funnily enough, cheated on me enough times. Just took me a while to realise it.’

The Doctor’s eyes flicked up to his and he knew he had her attention. While she didn't like talking about herself, she always listened when one of her friends had a story to share.

‘See, she got pregnant quite quick after we were married,’ Graham said, and from the expression on Ryan’s face it was clear he didn't know about this part of the story. ‘I was so excited. Went out and got little baby shoes when she told me, decorated the nursery far too early. See, I’d always wanted kids, ever since I was little. Grew up with four sisters and was always getting roped into playing dolls with them. The chemo treatment meant I couldn’t have children of my own, hence why I’m so grateful that I’ve got Ryan now, but back then it was like all my dreams had come true.’

There was silence among the little group, all three of his friends watching him closely, listening to him talk. They all knew how the story was going to end, they’d all guessed, but waited on anyway in cause he proved them wrong. 

‘She was stillborn, my little girl,’ Graham said quietly, the memory still painful all these years later. ‘Born too soon at seven months. Technology wasn’t as amazing back then as it is now or they may have been able to detect it sooner. See, her little heart was just too small, it stopped developing and she died. Lucy realised one night that the baby had stopped kicking and moving about and we went straight to the hospital for her to be induced but it was just too late. She was gone. We called her Elizabeth and we buried her in this beautiful little spot on a hill, overlooking the water. Fantastic view for her to look over. She was wearing the little baby shoes I’d bought, all those months before when we laid her to rest. After that, Lucy didn't want to try for anymore children, couldn’t bear the pain of losing our little Lizzie. We ended up turning the nursery into a guest room.’

Yaz and Ryan were both crying silently but the Doctor was still meeting his gaze, not looking away. Her face was full of compassion and he carried on, focusing on her green eyes as she listened to him. 

‘The pain of losing a child is something I never thought I’d have to experience,’ Graham said. ‘I mean, they’re meant to outlive you, aren’t they?’

He paused, a solitary tear flowing down his cheek. 

‘She’d be 26 now, if she’d lived,’ he said quietly.

The Doctor reached across to take his hand at the same time Ryan and Yaz did and they sat in silence for a moment as they spared a thought for baby Elizabeth and for a younger Graham burying his child.

‘My children were all grown up when I left home,’ the Doctor said after a moment’s pause, and the three humans raised their heads to look at her. ‘Some of them even had families of their own. I had a granddaughter called Susan who travelled around with me for a short while. She was fantastic, just brilliant.’

This didn't surprise them, somehow. Despite her childish personality and excitable curiosity about literally everything, they knew their friend was way older than she appeared to be. 

‘Then there was a war, and I lost them,’ she said, and Yaz swore she felt her heart break in two at the thought of someone as bright and brilliant as the Doctor losing her family in a war, the very thing she loathed more than anything else in the universe. 

‘I’ve not forgotten them, though,’ she said, as though she was trying to convince herself more than anyone else. ‘I still remember all their faces, all their names, even after all this time.’

‘Of course you do,’ Graham said gently. ‘I’ll never forget my daughter’s face. Not ever. She’s seared onto my heart like your children are seared onto yours.’

Yaz and Ryan were openly weeping as the two older adults looked at each other, and the Doctor immediately pulled Yaz against her, wrapping her arms tightly around her and dropping a kiss into her hair.

‘This conversation is far too gloomy on a night when there’s a new little soul in the world,’ the Doctor said, rubbing Yaz’s arm tenderly. ‘Remember the bad times, yes, but celebrate the good. Like how that baby is going to grow up with a mother who loves her and a name that’s reminiscent of a laundry company. But thank you, Graham, for sharing that with us. And I would never feel like I couldn’t tell you things. How could I? You lot were the first faces this face saw, you’re my fam.’

‘Likewise,’ Graham said. ‘Not the bit about the faces though, that makes no sense to me.’

‘Right. Bed time,’ the Doctor said, lying on her side and bringing Yaz with her, curling her body around Yaz’s to keep her warm. ‘Get some rest, we should be out of here in the morning.’

* * *

The morning, although it was difficult to judge time in a place with no natural light, dawned quickly and the doors of the shelter opened, allowing the sleepy inhabitants to make their way back into the light.

Trina’s husband ran through the doors, sobbing with happiness when he found his wife and newborn daughter safe and alive, flinging his arms around the Doctor and Yaz and hugging them tightly when Trina told him who had acted as midwife.

The sky outside was bright and the ocean was calm again, the only sign that there had ever been a tsunami being the upturned trees and random bits of debris that littered the roads. The buildings and walls stood strong, however, they had been built to withstand nature’s force.

The TARDIS blinked at them when they all stumbled inside, exhausted from the previous day’s events and the Doctor wasted no time in sending them into the time vortex before the four occupants dispersed to find clean clothes and to rinse the salt water from their hair.

They reconvened in the sitting room that evening after the Doctor had done a quick trip to the planet of Dominos to get them all pizza for dinner, piling onto the sofa and stretching out, a movie playing in the background as they ate their food. No conversation was had but somehow it wasn’t needed. Sometimes you didn't need words to show affection and sometimes, even in the very depths of space, broken families find new people to make them feel safe and loved again. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The next chapter will probably be Thirteen and Yaz in a bathtub if that'll cheer people up a bit?)


End file.
